How do I deal with pain?

Question

I have had a person that I liked a lot, fool with my emotions from the beginning lately, but this is not the first time I've experience grief in this area. I am tempted to be hateful; I feel full of anger. It is impossible to move my mind somewhere else. It's like I have to have someone new to love all the time, or I am miserable: It's always been the case. I don't like most of my family much; most of them were abusive. If I don't have anyone to care about, I'm a grouch, and I'm full of thoughts and worries about myself. It is tempting show bad character, cause of the way I feel inside, but I don't want to make a fool of myself. Life is not grand for me, and never has been; I am tempted to just be bitter, alone, and full of hate, but I keep fighting it, at least until someone comes into my life, then I latch on, which can irritate most women; I don't think it is all that wrong. I workout at the gym like a son of a bytch; I feel great, but I just feel like shyt in the morning.

I've been like this since a child. I used to do substances to make me happy, but I quit a long time ago. Drinking doesn't help; it makes me sick after a while. It's like perpetual loneliness, and I'm terribly cynical, and sarcastic, and don't trust anything easily. My family was mean to me a lot growing up. And I was bad kid I guess. I also got into a lot of fights at school as a kid, cause people didn't like me. I was bullied a lot. I live in Hawaii, so the prejudice against white people is real high here; was told to go home and pushed, heavily, all the years in school as a kid and a teen. Now I have a hard time with holding down a job, due to un-comfort.

Answer 1

Have you thought about moving out of Hawaii?

If there't a lot of people you hate, then you should leave and live somewhere else because you'll be depressed because not only would you have to see them everyday, also you'll probably will miss out on women who would be interested in you.

There's alot of women in Florida and California so move there.

Answer 2

You had the double misfortune of being bullied at school and also at home. There was no one taking care of your emotional needs as a kid. You had to use a lot of energy to survive, that could have been used in learning how to navigate socially and emotionally.

Result - you are very "independent" and won't be tied down or forced to do anything. But you are also extremely dependent on women for emotional regulation. This is problematic because women aren't always going to be available for regulating you, and many of them won't want to do it.

the solution is to learn to regulate your own emotional states most of the time. Right now it looks like the emotions swing to extremes. Then you ruminate about certain events and it swings again naturally toward anger or hate. If you got better at regulating the emotional states, the pain and the bitterness would subside.

It's not an overnight thing, takes some practice. notice when you feel intense hate, and ask yourself whether ALL the hate belongs to the person right this minute, or whether some of it belongs to someone in the past. If that's the case, can you reduce some of the anger you're feeling and put it where it belongs...on the abusers who can no longer hurt you. Give it to them in your mind.

Answer 3

Well it's you again and I can see now that you might act right this time because if your a bad boy then you will just have to make a new profile.OK here is to what you asked. I will say this to you. We all really want to find that really nice someone to love but, then we are always temped to look even so. It's not wise to look once that someone comes alone and when they do come alone then you won't care to look because you will or should be satisfied with the person that you are with and this is how it should be. You should look for that someone and always try not to be a bitter person. Always remember that it is not your past that makes you .While your past in important. It is who you are right now. Keep on going with your life and don't be bitter. Try to seek out a women that will love you for you. Find a girl that makes you laugh and one that will never be clingy but will make you happy and secure in your home life. And be a gentleman to! Whatever you do always be a good boy! Women like men that do not talk dirty.You get the picture! God Bless You!

Answer 4

You are a male Leo. You have psychological issues. It comes with the astrology sign. You are great at video games. Pretend this is a video game and you must win. That means staying sane and not doing anything crazy. Don't be paranoid like people are watching you. It's simply not true. It is your over active imagination. It's a Leo thing. Trust me. I follow astrology. What you are experiencing as far as needing someone to replace the old and finding happiness...that's all normal, right? We all experience that. Try to suck it up and be a man. When you think you can't handle it...just remember that everyone thinks the same thing and wants to give up. They have free clinics for psychiatrists. Get on some medication for depression. Zoloft, etc. Xanix is great for helping you sleep. If your in need now...just go to an emergency room and tell them that you need xanix to calm down and that you've been prescribed it in the past. Tell them you also need a prescription for an anti depressent because you're feeling very down and don't know what to do. ok? And dude. Write me if you need a friend. Just stay calm, cool and collected. Not all women hate a man that latches on. Here's a great zodiac link that I used to find my girlfriend.

http://www.astrologyone.com/item/love/

Answer 5

Wow.....this is not easy..so much of our pain is related to our childhood...I know my dad was a alcoholic who was very mean when he was drunk..oh how I understand you. I am the same..I really must have a man to love...seems the more I show my love, then bam! I get hurt....life is no easy ride. U need a real friend to talk to...please that is the best help..a person who will listen and help..not judge and make u feel like that kid again. U R not! Remember to start with loving yourself..u can do it! I did...it takes time..but all good things seem to be hard..I did seek help..that also was great..I could vent, cry..scream...say whatever I felt..oh it was a great relief and it really did help..at 1st I thought oh this is B.S but turned out my main problem was I never thought I was good enough....and that stemmed from my childhood my father would call me names I cannot say on here..when I was so young I did not even know what they meant...please get help..U have a whole life ahead...it will not always be great, but u will be able to deal with it. I hope I have helped..there is so much involved in this Q. But hey I am here 4 u and so r others!!!!!!

Answer 6

Wow, you sound a lot like me. When I was younger my dad was very abusive. My mother didn't stick up for me or protect me. My sister always said it was all my fault because I wasn't good enough. I was always looking for someone to love me. I was not often without a boyfriend. I think I did this to compensate for the loss of love in the family.

Everyone has a need to be loved. I was mistreated by some of the boyfriends that I had. It would have been easy to give up and just not date anymore and become cynical. But I needed more. I knew I couldn't just give up on it all, so I kept looking. Sometimes I would stay with a guy just because it was better than being alone.

I also turned to drugs and alcohol to satisfy my empty self. It never works out. When you come down, you feel more alone than you did before you started. I finally went through an Alcohol treatment program and started going to AA.

This was the beginning of recovery. I had learned that I can stand up for myself and not let my family abuse me. I started going to counseling/therapy and learned that I can be happy with myself for who I am. I don't let my family get to me anymore and I have learned I can walk away if I feel they are not treating me right.

I finally met someone who loves me for who I am and it is nice to have family. I am sure that one day you will have family too. Just don't give up and don't become bitter. It will come eventually. Do try to get help in learning how to not let others bother you so much. Counseling does help.

I really do hope that your path in life can improve. I do feel for your situation and I understand a LOT more now. surprising too is that we are both Leo's. (at least I assume by the name anyway.... and you look like a Leo.... we are hot! LOL)

Answer 7

Hey, in a way I know what you're talking about. I could never find love or even just a really good relationship. It definatley can make a person bitter. I used to write in a journal practically everyday, I felt better because I took my frustrations out on a piece of paper, not a person. One day a person I was talking to said that if you're not happy and you want change you must change something about yourself. Things just don't always happen without you giving things a headstart. So I took a look at myself. Not only did I not take care of myself healthwise, I was completely stand-offish, not that I meant to be but that's how I was being viewed. Perhaps you are pushing the right people away and that's why you're not happy. It's so easy of us to do it without realizing. Just don't wait for that person to come along, get out there and look for them. You'll find the person of your dreams and you'll be suprised to find that you're the person of their dreams as well. Nothing's a fairy tale though, you kinda have to work for happiness.

Answer 8

I roll up into a big ball of misery and self-pity and hide away from anyone else for fear of snapping at them and turning into a complete b**ch!! I suffer from chronic pain in the lower back - have had it for years. I try and keep mobile and if it is absolutely necessary, I will take an anti-inflamatory. Otherwise, I take an over the counter back pill in order to work. When I go home, I smoke some herbal remedy and soak in a nice warm tub with epsom salts or baking soda. And then crawl into bed with a good book and a heating pad. Whatever it takes, but I don't like to take prescription drugs or any form of pain killer whenever possible. ((Sending hugs - I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better - lots of love!!)

Answer 9

If you don't want to talk to someone, find something to do that can both kind of take your mind off things, yet help you think about them at the same time. That doesn'tsound like it makes much sense, but it's possible. When I'm aggravated or feel like this, I run, play soccer, or ice skate or something. Those are just a couple of the things I grew up with, and I love doing. When I'm mad, and don't want to talk to anyone, I do things I like. That way I'm not really bottling things up, I letting thme out, in my own way, without running to someone with every little problem I have.. Find something you love, something you're good at, something to make you feel better. It really does work. Hope you feel better soon :) good luck.

Answer 10

I've been asking myself the same questions lately. Let's face it...Life is sh*t. Folks can give all the advice in the world, and it acts like perfume, but it still does not cover the stench of the sh*t around us. What I do to make myself less lonely, is connect with other people, whether it's through conversation or sex, and listen to their life stories. The intimacy (conversational / spiritual / sexual) is very cathartic. Listening to other people's stories helps me to experience some meaning to this sh*tty existence. My perception changes after connecting with someone. There is a feeling of beauty and inner peace when intimacy is involved.