What do you think?? I like to write poetry... here's something i wrote 4 a friend. Its called Be Here With Me.

Question

I was depressed
I was lost I Was dysfunctional

You were together
you were composed
You Had a purpose You had a goal but NOW the world’s all flipped I’ve Found myself
and I got my life straight
I got it together

But you ...
you let yourself slip
right through the cracks.
You lost yourself
trying to find me But I can’t help you
Because
I realize now
that it was what I did
that got me back
And you have to do the same
for yourself
on your own

Some nights I cry for you
But you have to do it

You have to crash
and burn
Then emerge from the flames victorious
The way I had to

Some days you pulled me up
But that didn’t help me to survive on my own
And I won’t do that to you
Because I know it doesn’t help


But you were for me,
I can be there your shoulder to cry on.

I can be there.

I will be your life’s guiding light
I can encourage you
I can see you through

And when you get to the end,
I can be there to congratulate you
And be proud of my sister
and my best friend.

And at last,
We’ll be together
And finally,
You’ll be here with me

~Symone M.~

Answer 1

No offense, but It is not really a poem. It is a declaratory statement. Poetry does not have many disqualifying boundaries, but somehow you have managed to cross one of the few. You are telling me when you should be showing me through words.

Answer 2

I like it for its intended purpose and what it attempts to communicate. Which ironically keeps it from working for me as a poem right now. (And mind you, that's assuming you were interested in developing it as a stand-alone work of artistic prose). The thoughts are linear and cohesive; they follow an impressive logical order, and they definitely get your point across. But as a piece of literature possibly suited to a broader audience facing the same dilemma, there's an excellent opportunity to use mood-evoking imagery here to whittle the emotional impact within the ideas you express. (Maybe sit back and allow yourself to think up metaphors that lend themselves comparatively to this subject). Either way, nicely done.

Answer 3

Not bad. I'm sure it could be turned into decent lyrics for a nice R&B song. Although, that's not saying much. Most songs have terrible lyrics, and without a nice beat, they'd be nothing. For example, look at every RAP song. Terrible, incoherent lyrics, and yet with a decent beat, the songs are golden. Amazing, right?

But, anyways, nice poem.

Answer 4

that is fabulous! Continue to write and see what u can do. I would enter some poetry contests if i were u
Keep going its great you rock good luck in the future
Your friend,
Chicken

Answer 5

that was really good, i cant imagine it being read out at the end of some sad movie =\ Lol
did you write it to give to her or "for her" if you know what i mean.
is it based on something thats really happened? either way if your made whats happened into words or have made it up its really good

Answer 6

You sound very selfish and I wouldn't want to be your friend...but to critic your poem I would say that you need to work on structure in order to get it flow better. Creating concise statements is one good way of doing that.

Answer 7

It is great! Keep on going Symone!

Answer 8

I think it is wonderful!!! You should keep writing poetry because it is fabulous. I think your friend will love it!!

Answer 9

wow thats a good wow

Answer 10

Wow - this is great. Your write really good.