Afraid of losing my husband. What should I do?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and have 2 kids together. We have been together off and on since I was 12. I love him with all of my heart but the past few months things have been very rocky, he has been having doubts, ive been having doubts, he started thinking he liked someone else and we even seperated for a little while..he did figure out he didnt actually like her it was just emotions going crazy because of the situation, he also came back and we are no longer seperated, but I am still afraid of losing him, now to clear up any of the "change up your looks" thing it isnt that, i still have the same body from before we got married and i wear sexy lingerie for him and all that, we try new positions and different places, but im still worried. Any other ideas of what I could do. My husband and I also dont really keep secrets from eachother and we are very open with eachother.

I know I already posted this question a few minutes ago but i wanted to edit the question without using the details so people can answer better right away.

AHHH some of those responses about my husband were SOOOOOOOOOOo totally not him! He is NOT a bad guy at ALL, he is amazing, caring, loving, he is a great father and a great husband, yes he thought he liked someone else but realized he didnt, the only reason he opened up to her so much is because she has known us since she was born...we all have known eachother around 20 years ive known my husband for 21 almost. He never cheated on me either. So please dont take this as he cheated and dont take it as hes a bad guy, because he is soooooooo incredibly amazing and sweet, he would never perpously hurt anyone

Answer 1

personaly I think you're both gonna be perfectly fine...it's sounds like maby you's have maby a little something to talk about but nothing major,you guys sound fine though and happy...it's just you're a bit nervous maby because as you said it was on and off for a little while there and since you's had a little rough spot at one point you may feel it'll happen again,but it wont..the way you put it you guys are honest,happy,still involved,and the same as you were before the marrage..plus you have a beautiful family together...it'll be fine,you're just a little nervous and hey who isn't really,anyone who truely cares for someone else always has that tiny fear of loosing or displeasing them it's natral it just means that he means alot to you and you want to keep him happy.....you're ok

Answer 2

After time. MArragies or relationships get old. Not that is sounds like you guys aren't trying to spice them up. I just mean in life in General. Things get in this grove and before you know it. Things have changed into a whole different direction. And to be honest.
You guys have been together for a very long time. Shall I saw 'grown up' together. And every 7 years wither we like it or not. We change.
Might be you guys just need to find yourselves. Before you can find each other again.
I have been with mine for 10 years now. And I can say that when we finally hit that nail on the head. A lot of the other issues we had started getting resolved as well. not to mention the passion we found in each other. was just amazing. All becasue he took up a new hobby. And I perssued more schooling. Not that you have to do just that. just an example to go by.
And that fact that he realized he didn't like tha other women and told you about it. Just goes to show, he loves you and doesn't want to loos you either.
Now comes the hard part of letting that painful decet( which is what is is no matter how you look at it.) go. Cus he did a big thing by being honest with you. Most guys wouldn't do that.
It shows he is willing to do the work it takes to be with you. That he loves you. Now you gotta let go of what has happened( I know it is harder that i sounds. I have been through it myself, but it was worse that what you expalined) But really just try to concentrate on your guys future. Cus the only thing the past does. IS keep you from seeing the future clearer.
Take care . BLessed Be
And Hope all goes well for you and you Husband.
Good Luck
Plentiful

Answer 3

I hate to say it but sometimes it's best to just move on... sure it will be hard but you guys just aren't working... if you ever seperated and he even thought about another women it's a clear sign you aren't in love anymore... too many times couples get married over a feeling.. well that feeling goes away sooner or later and those butterflies and the newness go away... when you survive that thats when you should make the true commitment to a person so you know it's love not just a feeling... my honest opinion is the feelings left and you're trying to put them back and sometimes they falsely stay and go away quickly after.... If you ever feel like your working to keep a relationship together it's not a good one and you should move on no matter how hard it may seem in the long run once you find the right guy you'll be happier than ever with him.

Answer 4

Welllll...I can't really say much because I have a boyfriend as opposed to a husband and I've only been with him for nearly 7 months and he is 19 and I am 18 as opposed to however old you are. Anyway...the thing that your husband and my boyfriend have in common is working...a lot. My bf is a workaholic...19 sounds young but he works in IT and has two small business things and works his butt off because he has this ridiculous and insane drive for working. Unfortunately emotionally he isn't really in control or understanding of his emotions and at times it's almost to the point of abuse which is never ok, however lately he's been extremely bad and one night we finally had a long conversation about him being stressed because his businesses are not going very well at all and he's worried that he's going to lose a lot of money. He has wealth also as the object to achieve in his mind... Anyway, perhaps the reason why your husband totally shuts down is because he works 6 days a week, and with the economy going sour he is probably worried about his own job, and supporting you, and your baby(ies?)... In fact this is interesting, it's in a way a very similar story, my bf has been extremely difficult about me getting a job, pressuring me to the extreme to find one. You are pregnant though and I'm not. It isn't very supportive of him to not understand how physically and mentally stressful being pregnant is, though I believe a lot of women can work up right until the eighth(?) month or so before their babies are due. Perhaps not in your case but if you can do housework comfortably then you probably can perhaps just find a retail job somewhere near to you. I know it's extremely unfair for him to be so uncaring while you are pregnant and probably tired out of your brain though if you've ever been in his situation, it feels like he's doing all the work and you're just taking all the money cause it's convenient. I know thats an unfair thought, you're pregnant and you look after him, getting him ready for work and doing housework etc but thats probably what he thinks. Have you discussed whats going to happen after the baby is born? Are you going to be a stay-at-home mum, is he going to be the stay-at-home dad, are you going to have a babysitter? Whatever way it is, it's going to mean money has to be saved/spent somewhere, if you both work and you have a babysitter, you have to pay for the babysitter. If you stay at home with the baby, then you will be in the same situation you are now except with the baby out in the world, and he will have to support the whole family without fail, which puts more pressure on him. The fact that you've lost your job and you still have potentially a few more months when you could earn money puts more pressure on him and your savings. If he stays at home with the baby, that means he would have to quit his job, and if you don't have a job, where's the money going to come from? In any case...for his sake...just apply to work at some low-key easy going retail shops, cafes or restaurants...just anything that will not stress you out too much. I wish you lots of luck, don't stress out too much, try to see it from his point of view though...he is the one working 6 days and trying to support himself and you and your baby I assume... :) Just give him some space and if you decide to apply for some easy going jobs then let him know and hopefully he will come back to you. PS. Sorry my post was so ridiculously long...just had to say it all, haha.

Answer 5

I have been married 4 years and have 2 children, too. I can say our honeymoon was just first 6 month. We have felt no longer desperate love for each other since then, and even this marriage falling apart because of the change in environments. We have constantly argued and fussed about ridiculous things that could happen around us, and oneday I was devastated to see her call cops on me. Yeah, she thinks I am crazy, while I don't think so. I have been always trying to do the right thing about whoever or whatever. Somebody who is my family in law has to get a life, teach kids to be independent, be responsible for what is going on them, and tell them quit thinking about being jobless losers in their future lives regardless of skin colors. But we have never gone to break up so far, because my kids matter the most. Divorce will reproduce and repeat the horrible history that will put our children under custody of child service, they may have to call some wrinkled skin old muthafuker 'daddy' and make the children take the horrible memory to the grave. I refuse to divorce because I am Just SICK of the circulation of everything done by ill society which make babies, get rid of them without feeling a bit of conscience, or putting them in the child service and make the social workers take over 'daddy' and 'mommy'!!!!!!

Answer 6

You need to reconnect. People will tout communication, and that is the key. But you have to make sure it is the right kind of communication. You say you have an open line with each other but just check what you're sending across it. If all your conversations are about "what are we doing wrong?" or "why aren't we working out?" yeah you're communicating, but it's still putting the emphasis on the negative. Focus on "what are we doing right?" "How can we do more of it? and "What do we really love about each other?" Then you can bring back all the positive things into your life that ha made you two happy together for so long.

Answer 7

sounds like he wants to do what most men do before they married, explore, experience and get a wider view of things.... but someone in a box too early and he wants out - not because there is anything wrong with the box, just because.. and often they come back to the box after a little sniff around because its comfort zone and so on.... you must still be both very young as you don't mention any responsibility for the kids, if he were mature he woudl relfect his actions in his resposbility for them too... And while you are making all of this effort, what effort is he making? Good that you talk, anyway...

Answer 8

There is a difference between being afraid of loosing your husband and having a problem re establishing trust since he cheated on you.

Is the reason for your fear is that you think there still may be some feelings for her? I don't think you are going to like this answer, but you need to talk to someone professionaly.

You have been through alot and you need to talk to someone to help you isolate these feelings.

There is obvious something there you havent discussed.

Answer 9

Don't change your looks but change your attitude. Start living your own life. get a gym membership, take a class, go out w/ the girls- have something for the 2 of you to talk about. Go on a 'date' with your husband at least once a week- a dollar movie, a lecture at the library, go shopping or stroll around a nearby town. Whatever you do you have to get the ball rolling. but, if he leaves, then there's nothing you can do about that and next time he tells you he thinks he likes someone else then you tell him he's disrespecting your marriage and if he goes out to meet another girl tell him to not to hit his *** on the doorknob on the way out.

Answer 10

communicate. Do you love him? do you want to be with him? If you are afraid of losing him, maybe you should talk to him about that. You say he started thinking he liked someone else-if he is married to you, he shouldn't be in the position to like someone else. He shouldn't be opening himself up emotionally to other people in a way that he developes feelings for other women. What kind of doubts are you having? Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a long talk about what you both want in life, or what you both need from this relationship.