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I heard that when people first get married their relationship usually goes good but than after a while it doesnt feel the same and some problems might arise. Usually how long after they have been married would they begin to experience some turbulance in their relationship? When do they start to go through some disappointments or confrontations?(I know that it's not the same with everyone but if you're going to spend a lifetime with someone some conflicts are bound to happen and some people handle it better than others) Please tell me when this first starts. First year? Before? After?
(I really dont know anything about this stuff which is why I'm asking.)

2007-12-12 09:33:10 · 14 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

14 answers

I admire your desire to want to know about marital relations. It is good for everyone to learn about what they may encounter once they decide to get married.

Since nobody can foresee the future, all we can do is try our best and plan out a life with the person we choose.

Prior to marriage, there are flaws that can be detected with just about everyone (nobody is perfect).

These flaws are generally revealed while in the dating process. Your mind will accept these flaws or total it out and decide that the person you were serious with won't be a suitable partner.

Very few of us actually marry the person we grew up with, or the proverbial boy/girl next door. Most of us go through a selection process through dating...some opted for living together first before taking the vows.

Now you ask how long does it take for conflicts to arise?

It can happen suddenly, like an unexpected event like an accident or loss of a good job...or it can happen much later...or if you are lucky...it could be bliss for the entire marriage lifetime.

Sometimes things seem very good at the start, and that could be because you are looking at life through rose colored glasses.

The Honeymoon doesn't last very long, and reality sets in very soon...you are living with a total stranger that you decided was going to be your partner for life.

That is a heavy feeling, and sometimes that thought alone can bring on depression.

Sometimes we need to sever ties with our family just to make the marriage work. Some people have made a successful committment by eliminating those outsiders who tend to be nosey and arrogant.

If there is love between the two newlyweds, then that love has to be strong enough to withstand all the pressure of life that will inevitalby affect the marriage.

Always seek excitement and always communicate...and remember, two can do better than one by sharing everything.

2007-12-12 10:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Earlier answers already pretty well summed it up, there is no rule of thumb generally as to when problems start. It all depends on the individuals involved and how they react to issues.

Often the honeymoon right after the ceremony is an idyllic period of happiness and no conflicts and yet there are situations where the first day of the honeymoon results in conflict. Usually though, it's after that when the problems can begin and yet it can also be years later instead. It also doesn't have to be like this.

If there was a long dating period that enabled each to come to know and understand the other and to accept the other's habits and behaviours, conflicts are minimal because there won't be any unexpected surprises early on. But of course when you're dating you can't possibly experience everything so as the marriage unfolds there will be new differences. But that long dating period often prepares the couple for those differences so while opportunities for conflict will come, they won't necessarily result in big fights since they've already had experience with discovering and dealing with differences.

The problem becomes serious when a dating period was short and the partner to be is still idealized at the time of the marriage instead of having become human. That's when the real big surprises happen and of course at that point they're married so there's no backing out. How someone reacts to that often determines the nature of the later conflicts too. If you feel you've screwed yourself by marrying this person you'll react badly to the issues. If you feel your new partner has misrepresented him/herself, there is the potential for very severe conflict. But if you expect differences and you approach them in a positive accepting manner, chances are that the moment passes without undue stress.

Ulitmately conflict happens the moment something really important rears itself. We accept many foibles and just let them roll off our back without comment. As long as differences are just that, occasional trivial foibles (according to our personal value systems), there may never be an issue big enough worth fighting about. But, one day you'll hit something you're not willing to compromise on which is really important to you and that's when the potential for serious conflict happens. That can be the morning after the marriage, it can be years later, it can also never happen though honestly that's a bit of a stretch, usually everyone encounters at least one big difference.

I realize this doesn't really answer your question directly but then as those who came before me said, and I said too, there is no simple, general answer.

Still, I do hope this helps a little.

2007-12-15 23:24:50 · answer #2 · answered by Shutterbug 5 · 0 0

It all depends. If people have had a long engagement where they get to know the little habits and preferences of their future spouse and they have taken the time to discuss major issues like work and having children and buying a house and stuff like that then conflicts might not arise at all except for the every day ones where people get angry easily because they happen to be tired or stressed out or something like that.

If the newlyweds got married because they had a strong physical attraction for each other and they didn't take the time to get to know one another as distinct individuals then conflicts could arise on the honeymoon or as soon as making love isn't as exciting as it first was and the faults that they were overlooking because of the physical attraction now become more irritating.

2007-12-14 10:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by Martin S 7 · 0 0

Being Married is not just a commitment but an art form. You need to be a counselor, prize fighter, mother, father, housekeeper, best friend and so much more.. the responsibilities are endless and so is the love potential. Years go by and days run together and little annoying habits seem to be the end of the world.. but the trick is communication and listening. It isn't so much what you say to one another it's how you listen to the others needs. Conflicts are there no matter what the situation.. between brothers , sisters parents and families... by being a better listener... you take your ego out of the equation and your bond will be stronger.... remember when you fight with your siblings you can always stop talking to them,, but you can't divorce them.. they will always be your siblings.. if more people applied that logic to marriages.... we would all be alot happier.

2007-12-12 11:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by Angelisa Smiles 2 · 0 0

Normally, its the seven year itch, which is widely known in Europe. There was also a film with Marilyn Monroe about the same issue.

So, it is the 7th year when the conflict starts.

If the pair is incompatible, the conflict may start within first three months of the marriage.

If you pass seven years test the chances are you can withstand other turmoils and pass for a marriage silver jubilee.

The current concept of liberty, freedom, human rights (wrongs), wild marriages, and lack of respect for religious laws, makes the marriage a cover-up only, people separate when they find it convenient. If they had respect for family life, the duty against children, and responsibility against society they would try to hold marriage.

Marriage is a bond not to be broken, in happiness or in pain, we shall remain

2007-12-12 20:46:39 · answer #5 · answered by simba 3 · 0 0

You are right, it is not the same for every marriage. It could all depend on how well the couple can talk to one another. I hate to sound like a cliche, but couples need to communicate. If you are upset, speak up. If you have a problem with what your spouse does/doesn't do, speak up.

For me, it was 2 years when my marriage went through our first *major* conflict. We have worked it out, thank God!

I am a firm believer in couples counseling before you get married. Work out what could possibly be roadblocks. Either that or realize that you should not get married!!

2007-12-12 09:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by MsSoccerBunny 2 · 0 0

As you must know every single individual is different so there is not one single answer to you question. It is not easy to live with anyone on a daily, one on one basis, no matter how nice the two might be or how easy going. We are all different and have been raise in different environment.

For example, Amish or Quakers couples would have an easier time of getting along with each other because they would have had similar childhoods. Where as a young couple who were raised in very different homes; for example a Latin young man with a background where there would be much hugging marrying a young English girl where hugging is frowned upon would have a difficult adjustment in their marriage. Not only with touching, but with cultural differences..even meals would be a problem. One would have a taste for hot, spicy food; while the other might prefer bland tasting food. Not to mention religious differences.
So there is not one answer for your question. Choose a mate who has a similar background as yourself if you want to have less things to disagree about, okay?

2007-12-15 11:56:24 · answer #7 · answered by ruthie 6 · 0 0

I have been with my husband for 9 years now.. married 4. Things get better by the day. We have learned to not sweat the small things and to communicate with each other on a daily basis. Things didn't change when we got married. I think it just depends on how much time you have been together and how close you are as friends..not just lovers. Marriage takes work no matter who you are..

2007-12-12 10:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by Aleecia M 1 · 0 0

My husband and I get into spats almost every week...nothing hardcore, just tiffs. The last HUGE fight we had was about 4 months ago...we usually don't have huge arguments except once or twice a year. We've been married almost 2 years now =)

2007-12-12 09:37:39 · answer #9 · answered by Katy B 4 · 0 0

Protestants started in the 16th century, from Catholic Priests (Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, and others) who were upset with what they perceived as corrupted practices. They attempted to reform the church back to its original state. They dropped all the traditions that Catholics adopted over the centuries. They said if it wasn't in the Bible it should be tossed out. They rejected the authority of the Catholic leaders, and claimed the only authority is the Bible itself. They rejected Catholic ritual, devotionals, and spiritual disciplines and claimed that the promise of salvation comes only through faith in Jesus Christ, and not through any works. Theologically they hold to the principles expressed in the Nicene and Apostle's creeds. Jesus is the second person of the Trinity. Jesus died to redeem mankind. Jesus will return as Lord and Judge.

2016-05-23 06:51:39 · answer #10 · answered by margaretta 3 · 0 0

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