What are some problems that married couples encounter?

Question

Ok well I dont know much about marriage but I have noticed that when people mention it they often say "well you know how marriages are" even though they truly love their spouse. What type of problems can they be facing? I can think of a few things that would be problems for me but I'm not exactly sure. Can someone please mention all the things you can think of that can be problems? (I dont much about this topic but I want to be informed so please let me know)

Answer 1

The list of potential problems is a long one and depends on the couple. Marriages that cross cultures and/or religions can be especially challenging. Frequent factors leading to conflict can be sex - one wants a lot the other doesn't, values - one wants all kinds of things the other wants to save, kids - each has a different idea how to raise them, maturity - one is mature the other isn't or both are immature and don't know how to deal with conflict, money - they can't agree what to spend on. Those are just a few of many things.

But I'd like to come at it from a different perspective. These are things that people argue about and can inevitably lead to a divorce but are they really the cause of the problems? I don't think so.

A speaker I listened to once said "all partners are failures including you and me." That was a rather profound statement. His rationale was simple. As small children we hear all the fairy tales and about living happily ever after. As we grow we develop a vision of our ideal partner and that vision carries us through life into marriage. The problem with our vision is that there isn't a single person on the planet who would be able to fulfil those idealistic expectations. So as the marriage unfolds many couples experience shock that their ideal partner is only human and bears no relation to what they were expecting. Many don't recover from that. Many try to get their partner to deliver anyway and become profoundly disappointed when it doesn't happen. The dissapointments eventually lead to resentment and finally to fights.

The challenge in this case is to recognize your expectations are unrealistic before you contemplate marriage and to adjust down so that a mere human can make you happy.

A second challenge is learning how to share power. If the couple comes from a family where one gender held power and the other didn't, this often isn't a major issue but that's generally rare. As long as you're single you deal with our own affairs. You're in charge of your schedule, of what you want to buy, of where you want to go and so forth. Once you marry however, you can't do that any more. Instead it's time to share dreams and plans and negotiate a decision. Couples who learn how to do that quickly survive and become very happy. Many divide responsiblities based on their respective skills and through this means power is shared. Others don't know how to do this and as a result eventually end in disaster.

The challenge for us is to find a way to share power in all things.

A third major challenge is selecting your mate. Far too many of us replace our parents. I've known many little girls who would say they want to marry someone like their dad. Is that such a good idea? As we grow up we develop our own values and needs and expectations and those things can't necessarily be happily fulfilled by replacing a parent. Often that doesn't work at all. That's often how people end up in abusive relationships, they grew up in one and simply went out to find a spouse who was exactly like that.

The challenge for us is to recognize this trap and to deal with it by understanding our needs and finding a partner who can fulfill those as best as possible.

A fourth challenge is a changing role. As we grow up the only role models we have are our parents. If you remember yourself playing house, you tended to sound exactly like the parents and you tended to behave that way too.

During dating we are just friends. We don't have many expectations and the way we get along is based on the way we gradually decided friends should be treated. Later the dating is built on the basis what we may have seen in the movies or read in a romance novel, it's all a lot of fun and often leads to a marriage. Now, suddenly, the next morning you can wake up with a stranger. Why? That morning your partner is no longer a boy friend or a girl friend, but rather a wife or a husband. Far too frequently your partner the next day plays exactly the same role the parent played in his/her youth. That can be a real shock and again lead to a real disaster over time.

The challenge here is to recognize that you need to be the same the day after the marriage as you were the day before. If you aren't you can ask for trouble.

Another big issue has to do how you get into marriage. Many people look at marriage as an end, that is, they say "well, I've accomplished that goal, now I can get on with another." Those people will head towards disaster because they stop "dating" and trying, and begin to focus instead on whatever their next goal is, leaving the spouse behind. Many others treat marriage as a beginning, that is, they say "well, I've got a lifetime ahead now to learn how to share with my new partner and pamper my new partner." Those marriages end happily. And some approach marraige as simply another thing to get done because that's what their values demand. They can end either way, if they continue to be loving et al, the marriage will work, if they instead simply continue to treat it as something they needed to get done it will end in disaster.

One other major mistake people make is to marry someone who they don't completely like. Often I've heard a comment like "well s/he isn't pefect but never mind, once we're married it will sort itself out." It doesn't. If your partner to be has any repulsive behaviours, they will continue into the marriage. Why? Because the act of marriage publicly proclaims that you accept this person in all forms. Later if you want to complain the response you will get is "if that bothered you so much, why did you marry me?"

Fundamentally we have to temper our expectations with reality, we have to understand our needs and select partners who can fulfil those needs, we need to remain the same after we marry as we were before. We also need to learn how to listen, how to be open about our dreams and needs. We need to be caring and able to forgive. We need to learn how to earn love every day rather than just expecting it.

If you take such things into account it doesn't matter what the differences are within a couple because they have the perspectives to understand and deal with the issues in a caring kind and fair way. If these things are not taken into account then anything can start the marriage on its road to doom. Sex, Kids, Money, In-Laws, Parents, all of these and many more will be the triggers that create the conflicts that end the marriage.

I hope this helps a little.

Answer 2

First my credentials....I was married twice, the first failed for reasons I will indicate here. When a couple contemplates marriage, they need to go into it with conviction and purpose. Too many take the committment lighlty...and that is why the divorce rate keeps rising.

There are numerous problems that will arise soon after marriage. That is unavoidable given the complexity of living.
Many will want out when they face the problems.

If both parties to the marriage are fortunate to enjoy good health, then they most likely will be faced with pressure from either relatives or friends. Bear in mind, both parties to the marriage come from different backgrounds, and some friends or relatives may have a bond that is difficult to let go of. People should realize that a couple needs all the blessings they can get, but jealousy is prevalent and outside people love to see failure having failed themselves

The other problems that may surface are related to finances. One of the parties to the marriage may have difficulty with finances and may lean too much on the other. This pressure can lead to divorce.

Then comes ownership of assets, like automobiles and a dwelling. Some take great care in maintaining these items, others are careless and can cause damage that will ultimately break up the marriage.

Then comes children (maybe). That brings more responsiblity and pressure to earn more. That can also lead to divorce if one party has to do too much to keep the household going.

All the above factors must be weighed and worked out, but most important of all is planning.

Some are good planners, others live day to day.

The planners tend to make a better go of the marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Couples After Marriage

Answer 4

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
What are some problems that married couples encounter?
Ok well I dont know much about marriage but I have noticed that when people mention it they often say "well you know how marriages are" even though they truly love their spouse. What type of problems can they be facing? I can think of a few things that would be problems for me but I'm...

Answer 5

1. Money
2. Cultural differences
3. Religious differences
4. Expectations
5. In laws
6. Children/ to have not to have and then after you have them
7. Discipline for the children difference in opinions
8. Values
9. Sins like unforgiveness and immorality in a partner
10. Not trusting God
11. Being disobedient to God
12. Not praying or loving God

Answer 6

1) Habits, he sleeps with the lights on, you can't stand it. He leaves his socks around, you hate it. You take 1 hour to get ready before going out, he hates it...etc
2) Money - who pays the bills? Who decides what to buy? How to spend?
3) In-laws - coming over unannounced, hinting you are not a good cook, asking for money
4) Routine - After a while you see each other as family and you don't feel special. Sometimes you don't even feel loved
5) Children - who does not, who wakes up at night, what will be the rules of the house, how to discipline them
6) Temptation - clear enough, there are other fish that swims around you

Answer 7

Before I got married, my sister gave me a list of questions that she wished she had asked her fiancee...
eg:
With kids, do we want them,boys circumcised or not, public or private school.
Money...seperate accounts or together, managing spending
Religions...will there be a problem?

I think that these are questions that not many people ask, and then come into conflict later down the track.
I thank my sister for this list, as at least my husabnd & I knew what values etc we had before we got married.
However, I forgot to say the one rule that gets me annoyed to this day...no porn sites allowed!!

Answer 8

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are supposed to live 'happily ever after'. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood's long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has 'fallen out of love'?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

If you can't wait a moment longer, check out Save My Marriage Today for answers:

http://tinyurl.com/SaveTodayMarriage

Answer 9

well merging two lifes in not easy.. your talking about two ways of doing everything from handling $$, to what you buy at the store, to holidays, dealing with each others familys.. its alot!
Then you have those personal issues... jealousy, balancing job and family, religion, when to have kids... its alot!
And alot of this may not seem such a big deal till your with some one that has a diff view on it then you do.. and while most of the smaller ones get handled early on the relationship.. ppl change... i just think marriage is hard work.. and not every one that gets married is fully committed to it.

Answer 10

Step Children, drugs,religion,money. Just to mention a few things. I'm on my 5th marriage and believe me, different problems have been faced in everyone. Its diffenetly an adventure.

Answer 11

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