i wrote this poem as a comparison of human life to various tnings in the world and nature. please tell me what you honestly and truly think because i DONT what to regret entering it into my school magazine. any improvements are also wanted. THANKS!! : - )
2007-12-12 08:23:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I AM SO SORRY!!! I FORGOT TO PUT THE POEM ON!!! HERE IT IS!! SORRY!!!
A SEED
A seed
A single insignificant seed
A person is like a seed
Waiting to be watered
To be nourished
Nourished by love
A person is like a zebra stripe
No one is like the other
Different, though same in some ways
A seed
A single insignificant seed
Waiting to burst open and make a difference
Make a difference to the world
One out of millions
Billions
All seperate yet together
A person is like a tree
Slowly growing
Being a home to those who are weaker
Smaller
In need
A seed
A single insignificant seed
A seed
A person
A seed
A zebra stipe
A seed
A tree
A seed
2007-12-12 08:38:14 · update #1
not meaning to be rude but it would help greatly if the poem was included in the details of the question.
2007-12-12 08:27:50 · answer #1 · answered by ~ChameleonGirl~ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most poems that are just written can be made shorter. It always helps. Cut ruthlessly and then make sure that if you put a line back you need it rather than want it. It will also suggest rearrangements. BY the time you have finished you will know more about your poem
Here is a starting point:
A person is like a single insignificant seed
Waiting to be watered
Nourished by love
Waiting to burst open and make a difference
Make a difference to the world
One out of millions
Billions
All seperate yet together
A person is like a zebra stripe
No one is like the other
A seed
A single insignificant seed
A person is like a tree
Slowly growing
a home to those who are weaker
A seed
A person
A zebra stripe
A tree
A seed
Now put back as little as you can
2007-12-12 09:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by Richard T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm.. theres a lot of potential in this work. i wouldn enter it in just as yet. re-work it a little. u see the last verse were u went of on a seed this, that and the other, i wouldn go there coz it just doesn make any sense. good poem do just need a lil bit more work. ur use of simile would help make the poem stronger if u used the right one. i see where u r going with the zebra thing but i dont think it works for this poem. good luck
2007-12-12 09:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by snowflakes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Needs a lot a work, but could actually be really good, and I dont say that an awful lot
I love the zebra stripe compaarisont though, that part was really good
2007-12-14 09:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can find around 6 diferrent words etc to make into poems.
It does not sound like a poem
2007-12-19 19:05:51 · answer #5 · answered by I love BU 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of using the word seed, use weed.
A person is like a weed
allways poping up in places they shouldnt be
indeed a weed
if you could only sprout one little flower dear weed
life would have meaning
stupid little weed
i pull you, i spray you with poison
determined little sucker you got some nerve
keep poping your little head out of the cement cracks
Name it--jonny apple weed
2007-12-18 17:55:39 · answer #6 · answered by rjobyu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the two have comparable subject concerns, I cherished the 2d somewhat extra powerful. My critique is that the poem fails to flow beyond, it extremely is somewhat elementary. i'm hoping you will take this as powerful criticism. the certainty which you composed something is already worth. accomplishing excellence takes in simple terms a splash artwork.
2016-10-11 03:51:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is good...but what does zebra stripe have anything to do with seed...I would say like a flower or like a plant...every one is different!
Good Start though
Ashla*
2007-12-12 08:41:13 · answer #8 · answered by Ashla 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's very good, if it was me i would end it.... the beginning of life.... the seed,...........i just think you lose the feel of it a bit cause the end is too drawn out............ i wish you every success.
2007-12-12 09:58:30 · answer #9 · answered by andy F7 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try learning to spell "know" first.
2007-12-12 17:23:08 · answer #10 · answered by brainstorm 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋