How can I tell my husband what is right without hurting his ego?

Question

My husband says that I always want it my way after things like tellng him to go to Walmart instead of the gas station to buy items or not to throw away things with his SS# . I am only trying to be resourceful and helpful, but he feels that I won't let him make decisions and takes offense. What should I do?

Answer 1

Sounds like he might be a little embarrased that he needs you so much. I guess you could try to boost his comfidence by asking for his help and opinion more often. Dont point out his mistakes, I guess.

Answer 2

You should try to remember that men don't get married for the advice; try to be as loving and affectionate as you can be towards him.
Most people, male or female, don't take well to someone trying to improve them.
If your husband said, "Why don't you go to the gym a bit more?" or "Could you try to pick up the house, in a way that I'll notice?" or "Maybe you shouldn't eat that?" you'd probably be more than a little offended.
Most attempts by a spouse to improve the other spouse backfire. You could try telling him you're concerned about having enough money saved, or that "it's so sexy when you go to WalMart and not Sunoco, because I know then that you care about us," - something like that might work.
Or, you could try doing a few of his "favorite things" before and after you venture a few improvements. That's probably the best way to get his attention.
Otherwise, you'll end up with a partner who resents you and will act out in unpleasant ways (more careless w/$$, infidelity, fighting, withdrawal, etc).
Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

We know that we are smarter and more aware than than our husbands. This can drive them crazy. What I do is say things in a way that makes it seem like it was his idea. Instead of saying "you should" try "we should". For instance, "I saw on the news that identity theft is on the rise. We should us the shredder for things that show our personal information." or "We've been talking about ways to save money. Buying milk at Walmart will save us $2."

Sometimes, if it isn't too serious or costly, let him make his own mistakes doing his own way. Experience is the best teacher sometimes.

Answer 4

You may need to let him make a few costly mistakes so he can learn for himself what is the best way.

Another possibility is to actually show him the prices of the same item in the two different locations to help him understand that there really IS a difference, and that it affects your budget.

Having said this, there have actually been studies done on how men shop vs. how women shop, and one of the main differences is that guys prize convenience over value--surprised? I thought not. And Wal mart is lots of things, but it's not very convenient, especially for a man who doesn't know where to find everything the way you do. He doesn't want to bother with going all over the store. So, if it is not a serious matter, you may need to just accept that if you send him out for toilet paper or whatever, he will get it wherever he sees fit. Try to keep things in perspective and let him do his thing when it really doesn't matter that much, but if you send him out on a specific errand, tell him--or write down--where to go, where in the store he can find the item, how much he should expect to pay, and not to get anything weird on impulse...that is what I have to do with mine!!

Answer 5

Be patient. Men can be stubborn. Ask him for the receipts of things he buys at the convenience stores, and then show him how much money he is throwing away by shopping there instead of walmart. Convenient stores will always have high markups on items they sell, with minor exceptions like a candy bar or pack of gum, which stay pretty steady. Show him recent cases of identity theft and fraud from someone digging through the garbage and stealing his SSN. He might think people don't dig through your trash, but trust me, they do. I think Walmart sells a small shredder, if he refuses to hold on to those things, buy a shredder and get him to shred everything before he throws it away. A good example of someone stealing your credit/identity, if you subscribe to a magazine or shopping magazine, they sometimes send pre approved credit offers. All someone has to do is steal your magazine one day and poof, there goes your credit and good name, and that's from something that didn't even have the SSN on it (this has happened several times with a company that has several different magazines). Like I said, be patient, show him how he's wrong. Men love to have proof, and lots of it. If he is going to continue to throw away his ssn, then instist he gets lifelock or some other credit protection to safeguard you.

Answer 6

My wife does the same thing to me. I think is the way things are said. Sometimes she look at me like if I was the biggest moron on the planet, just because i put gas at a station 2 cents more expensive than the one she wanted too...It's all in how to communicate...I actually don't mind that she is resourceful.

Answer 7

Let him make decisions for a whole week and see how he goes! If he makes heaps of mistakes then he will know that its better for you to make MOST of the decisions, as long as you both discuss them first.
If he does good then you both should share the decision making equally, you will both then appreciate each others abilities and life will be much smoother.
If you are 'nagging' him, with your ways of doing things, explain to him WHY you do it that way, he will probably them understand why you do things like that.
Communication is the key here, don't let him (or you) get defencive, keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 8

Maybe it's the way you are trying to help him that is offending to him. If you are being Nagy or constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure things are done correctly it would irritate most people. Try to only step in when it's needed ( the social security thing is a good example) and give him his space and freedom to make his own judgments and decisions other wise. We are all human and far from perfect. Relax and let him be his own person.

Answer 9

Are you sounding bossy? Tell him that you would like him to go to Walmart because it is cheaper there and he can save money. Tell him that throwing away things with his SS# on it is a good way for identity fraud to happen. Do not give orders give explanations. Explain that you are not trying to tell him what to do and you are sorry if you came across that way.

Answer 10

u can keep telling him...but just cuz u do doesnt mean hes gonna listen....i often find that the more u tell um what not to do the more they wanna do it.....lol

if hes wants to buy stuff at the gas station...let him...its his money hes spending....but then if he complains that yall have no money...remind him of how he could save if he shops at wal mart.

and.....since he wont do it...and ur his wife...whatever mail he wants to throw away....u do it ...or just cut out the pieces with his important info on it before he throws it out

a shredder for christmas would be ok...lol

or just let him learn from his mistakes and keep ur mouth shut.....and when it bites him in the a** u can be there to say "see i told u so"!

Answer 11

If you really want to solve this problem, I think you need to take a closer look at yourself. I am a man but that does not mean I am not sympathetic to your cause.
But I ask you to read your question again..., very carefully! Because the main problem I see is rooted in the question itself.
You ask: How can I tell my husband what is right!
What gives you the right to determine what is right for others? Man or woman.
That's the problem with humanity in itself. Everyone else thinks they know what's right for others.
You married him for better or for worse. That means letting him be what he is and him letting you be what you are.