My mom said it is my fault that my parents are getting a divorce??

Question

I HATE IT. She told me this morning when i was taking a while to get out of bed. she yelled at me and was like " GET OUT OF BED.........YOU KNOW WHAT, ITS UR FAULT WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE" And i've started crying at school, bcuz i dont know what to do. I'm 15, and my mom has been an alcoholic for a long time. She never wants to help herself. My dad is really mad at her and the situation. But when he saw me crying he said it wasn't bcuz of me, and it wasn't my fault. When they get a divorce I really want to live with my dad. But its my fault and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Help me please

Answer 1

Your mom sucks for what she said. I'm sorry for saying that. It's very lousy. If she is an alcoholic, do not believe what she says. Look hun, you have a choice, follow your heart. Follow where you want to go. I think it's best if you live with your dad. Just don't think it's your fault. Your mom is under the influence of alcohol perhaps and is maybe afraid of knowing that it's her fault that your parents are getting a divorce, so she is taking it out on you, just try to be calm and know that your dad is your hope.

Answer 2

It is not your fault. There is nothing that you could do that would make your parents get divorced. Your mother has problems and she is taking them out on you. She is also hateful. You are old enough to decide where you want to live. Your father needs to tell her that she cannot treat you like this and that it will not be tolerated. Do not think that the decisions that the adults made where your fault. Your mothers drinking is probably the reason here. At least the base of the problem. Talk to your dad about what you should do and about not wanting to live with her. Good luck honey.

Answer 3

its not your fault. Your mom is trying to find someone to blame other than taking the responsibility of being an alcoholic. Tell your dad what you told here on yahoo that you want to live with him. You're obviously old enough to acknowledge that your mother has a drinking problem and also that you wish to live with your dad so more than likely a judge would grant him custody. Cheer up sweetie and remember this is NOT your fault. Don't ever let her make you think that

Answer 4

It is NOT your fault sweetheart, please believe that. Your mom obviously has a big problem, and I bet if you asked her now she probably wouldn't even remember saying it to you. That is no excuse for what she did though. Listen to your dad sweetie. He should also do some straight talking to your mom and tell her to stop shifting the blame on to your shoulders. Sounds to me she is the one responsible for the divorce and she is frightened, by lashing out at you she is trying to absolve herself of the guilt she feels. I think you should go live with your dad, he would be able to take better care of you and give you the emotional support you need. Good luck sweetheart, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Answer 5

Your dad wasn't lying to you, sweetie. It's really not your fault.

People don't get divorced because of their children. They get divorced because things go bad between the man and woman, and one or both of them can't take it anymore.

You'd be old enough in most states to choose which parent you want to live with, and right now your mother doesn't look like a great choice. Hang in there. Divorces take a while and they're not fun.

Answer 6

My mom told me the same thing when I was 17. When it came down to it, it wasn't my fault. Although raising a teenager can sometimes add to the frustrations of a ruined relationship. This is why she said it was your fault. She was frustrated and emotional. Rest assured that it is not your fault, it is never the childs fault that a relationship between two people did not work out. If you need to talk to someone, and you don't feel comfortable talking to a counsellor, let me know. Ive been there too. [e-mail].

Answer 7

I know it is very difficult to hear something like that form your mother. It is even more difficult to subside your feelings and realize that she is sick (alcoholic).

Just stay strong!! Be glad that once the divorce is complete that more than likely you will be living in a stable home with a sane parent (your father). For your own sake, stay calm and dont take things to heart. Pray that your mother will get help. Dont bother reasoning with her. When someone is mad you cant argue reason with them.

Hang in there. Things will get better. If at all possible learn from your own mothers mistake and make the best life for your own family.

My heart and wishes for happiness goes out to you.

Answer 8

Listen to me hun. Whatever anyone says it is NOT your fault. I guarantee it ;] It was very wrong of your mom to say that to you but its probably the alcohol talking. Its because of your parents problems that they are getting a divorce and you are not one of their problems. Your dad got it spot on when he told you it wasn't your fault, the fault is entirely your parents! If I was you I would go for living with your Dad, it will be a hard choice to make but you need to think about yourself and your parents. If your mom is an alcoholic she wont be in any state to care for you, she needs some time to get back on her feet.

Good luck with whatever choice you make ;]
Chin up.

Answer 9

It is NOT your fault. My parents got a divorce and they kept repeating to me that it wasn't my fault. If your mother is an alcoholic, she was probably drunk when she said that. And you really want to live with your dad, make sure you tell him that and I'm sure he'll do what he can so that you can live with him. Good luck!

Answer 10

First of all, it is more than likely not your fault. My parents divorced because of alcohol and drugs use by one of my parents. You have to realize that an addict is controlled by the substances that they are taking. It is like an evil demon has possessed them. My addicted parent said similar things to me, all of which are not true. Unless you slept with your mom or something like that, it is highly improbable that you could break up your parents. The problem is between them, not you.

For your information, my addicted parent hit bottom, got into AA and has been sober for 15 years. The person I new before the substance abuse came back out after years of abuse. The same can happen with your mom. She needs to hit rock bottom first. It sounds like the process has started. It takes time, and she will blame everyone at the beginning for her problems. Later she will blame herself, and healing will begin. Hang in there, I know what you are going through!