Should I go home to my wife after work today?

Question

This is the same question earlier.
Last night was a horrible night. My wife was upset because I'm 'slow' in doing things around the house. She was upset so I was going to go to the guest bed and sleep there. When I was about to leave to the other room she called me names and scratched me hard so that I bled from the scratch. I came up to her face and held her down and started screaming what is wrong with her. She settled down so I left to the other room. While i was sleeping she opened the door and said she wanted me out of the house, but she threw a kids camera at my stomach and threw a small book at me as well as a kids toy. She then threw my cell phone at the wall so that's when i got up and rushed her, but she took my wallet and ran to the main bed room. There we were screaming and she wouldn't give me my wallet and I didn't see it anywhere. She tried scratching me again so I held her arms by the wrist down. When i did that I pushed her hands by her face since she was laying down.

She then got up and punched me in the face. I held her down and wanted to punch her so badly but held back and left the room. I then called her mom and dad so that she doesn't call first and say a lie or something. They talked to her and she became calm. We slept in the main bed together. In the morning she said sorry for last night and that all she wanted was my attention. She gave me my wallet back and I went to work. I don't feel like going back home until she fix her attitude. What do you think?
4 hours ago

So the girls who just answered are saying i should just let my wife scratch me to make me bleed and let her keep coming after me knowing that's what she wants to do. make me bleed. how is it abuse if I'm preventing her from hurting me?
4 hours ago

No, I've never cheated on her. The only that she said was that I don't do anything, I don't do nothing for her, and that I'm slow in general.
I do the dishes. She doesn't cook so either I cook or we eat out. I vacuum. I take out the garbage every day. I do the laundry every other time. I clean the bathrooms every other time. Last week I pressure cleaned the porch and replaced the faucet all on my own. She doesn't talk to me what's wrong.

She has one 8 year old daughter from another marriage. My wife said he was abusive and had to leave. Now I'm not sure it was her who started it with him or because of that she's acting this way now. She was divorced 5 years ago. The ex does his fatherly duties and picks up the girl twice a week.

Answer 1

She is incredibly immature. Everyone has off days but this sounds like someone with alot of growing up to do. I think you should go home especially if you have children but I also think this family needs help ASAP. It is not a safe or healthy environment for children when someone is this volatile. She may want more emotional attention and maybe you would have more energy to give her love if she helped you out a little. I usually am with the girls but not on this one. I think men
should never lay a hand on a woman but I also think that women who act like this are really pushing a persons restraints and you guys need counseling.

The only reason I think you should go home is for fear of her acting like this alone with kids if you are not there. I think you should encourage counseling even if you decide you want out of this marriage because if it is truly her than she will act like this with her next partner and that partner might engage in this violence with her while your children are there defenseless with noone to protect them. If in fact you have children.

Answer 2

No! You should stay at a friends and get your thoughts together. I'm not saying break up, because you have kids and you could make it work. She needs some anger management though. She can't resort to violence. Really, call and find out how much the class would be. She definitely should not act this way in front of your children. That's the really sad part. If you are gonna make this work she HAS to control her anger. Maybe you could work on the housework situation. Just make a list of what everyone does after dinner and what she should have done before you get home from work. She can't just make all the rules and expect you to follow them either. You need to agree on them. Does she have a job? If so I can see why she is angry, but she should know how to say what she means and not hit you. Really, stay at a friend's tonight and if you don't think it's too much, take the kids too. When you talk to her, tell her if you were to take her back, there'd have to be changes. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Take care.

Answer 3

Well I agree with you and I see that you are being physcially abused. I wouldn't want to go home to that either your not wrong for having those thoughts. However if you both want to make this work maybe you should go to marriage counseling so that way she can hear someone tell her that what she is doing to you is wrong and maybe she'll realize it. It's good that you try to get away from her and you don't hit her back but above you said you wanted to but you restrained yourself. One of these days however you may lose control and hurt her I'm not saying your a wife beater or anything I'm sayin you have limits and you cannot keep living like this GET HELPA for the mental and emotional and physical health of you and your wife. You should also try talking to her tonight if you decide to go home and let her know that what she did was wrong and how she made you very angry but you had restraint and you did not and could not hit her back. Thus showing her that you do actually care for her and she doesn't see just how much damage these scratching and punching and throwing attacks are not just physically but emotionally. WORK AT YOUR MARRIAGE THOUGH DO NOT GIVE UP I hope everything works out for you and I wish you the best of luck

Answer 4

Hi,
I think she needs help from a counselling agency. She also needs your support and understanding to come out of this.
Please think calmly. She is already insecure and looks for atention from you. You have two daughters. If you leave her now, can you not imagine how she will be or what will happen to your two innocent daughters?
Sometimes we need to grow above issues like this and help others. We get hurt, but we need to keep our duties above that. She needs you, and you love her also. After all this you still love her. It is just that you are worried what she would do tonight.
You can work it out together if you both take help from some expert agencies. Your two daughters need that.
Or, you can put a first step by going home, taking some flowers with you for her, spending some time with her and trying not to react negatively if she says something, does something. Once she feels she is getting the affections she wants, she might change and make the life sweet for you. If you decide to leave instead, dont you think you will have bigger worries?
Take care.. I am sure you could handle this better.. All the best..

Answer 5

There are so many issues here it is hard to count.
First you did well to hold your physical response and you are to be commended for not cracking her one. I know that I would have returned that assault with a like response. You have far more personal restraint than I.
The rule was, never hit a "Lady". If she goes after me with nails, all bets are off.
You need to expalin that she is making demands based upon her schedule and agenda. You do not ascribe to her schedule so she needs to back off and request something different instead of causing a blowup.
DO NOT ACCEPT that it is you who has to move out.
If she does not want to be around you "show her the door."

The concept that you are not doing for her and you need to move out and overturn your home because she decided unilaterally.

This is your house and she can stay or she can go but you are not leaving.

I would not call the police over this. I would make it clear to her that you will never again put up with her agression without a response. It could be percieved that she was baiting you into abuse so she could throw you out. Make sure she understands you will not play that game and will turn her in if it happens again. You should also suggest that you showed significant restraint in not hitting her back.

Finally you need to tell her to count her blessings. Most men wiould have put her butt to the curb for that behavior. put it on her to learn some appreciation before she is shown the door permanently.

Avoiding the follow up is not a good idea. make sure to get this air cleared.

Answer 6

It seems like your wife has issues with abuse. I think you should go home since you live there and she is your wife. Go home and try to talk like adults. Tell her how she is behaving is very wrong and that is against the law even! She can go to jail for doing that to you. You on the other hand shouldn't touch her even if she is attacking you. It makes you the better person and I"m 100% sure she will feel nothing but guilty for doing it to you. So get her some help and work on this together. Your story sounds like games and childish for a married couple.

Answer 7

My advice would be for you NOT to go home after work. The problem here is not so much that you are slow in doing things, it is her abusive reaction to conflict. Her anger and abusive behavior has escalated so much that even you said you almost felt like striking her back. Good thing you had sense enough not to. Women like this usually attack and attack and attack until boom, the guy strikes back! Then what happens? The guy ends up in jail for domestic violence charges. Your wife has shown a total disrespect of you as a human being and her husband. For her to regain that respect you must show that you are worthy of it by not putting up with her treating with verbal and physical abuse. Call her and let her know you are not planning to come back home until she gets help for her anger, and stand by what you say. She must come to know that just her saying that she is sorry is not enough and does not guarantee it will not happen again. When you approach this to her do not do it in a spiteful way, but in a concerned husband who just will not tolerate being treated that way. Then leave and leave it up to her to make a positive move to get help for her anger. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Seek marriage counseling. If neither one of you want to do that then by all means, seperate or divorce. You two should not be together. You stated she threw a kid's camera at you. Do you have children? This can not be a stable environment for them. You better work something out before this escalates into a domestic violence situation and if you have kids, that means CPS will be called in.

Answer 9

It sounds like she has no respect for you and unfortunately that's a terrible thing. You need to sit her down and have a serious talk...let her know that things have to change or you'll be forced to leave. Once relationships lose respect...they only go downhill from there. I suggest counseling if neccessary to find out what the real problem here is. But don't just let it go like it never happened because if you do that I guarantee you it will happen again.

Answer 10

Look domestic violence is never good. It sounds to me like you guys bring out the worst in each other.
You need to see a counsellor and you need to also think long and hard about whether this relationship is worth saving.
Is it common for you guys to fight like this? Or was this just a one off? If it was a one off, maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself and how much you contribute around the house. Do you really do enough? Maybe she just flipped out because it was the last straw?
Do you guys have kids? If you do, then you have to decide if you guys want to make this work for the kids sake.
But remember, it is not good for kids to see violent fighting like you describe. Sometimes it is better to separate rather than subject children to this kind of relationship.
Good luck whatever you decide, but seek some kind of counselling.