I just started a new job working in a small doctor’s office. The people there are very nice but most of them are extremely religious. Some of the girls I work with have bible quotes as their cell phone ring tone. I am engaged to be married to my partner and many of my co-workers have asked about my wedding. I chickened out and told them I am marrying a man because they assumed so. It has been a month now and one of the girls wants to see a picture of my fiancé. What should I do? I am out to my family and friends but, for some reason, am afraid to come out to these people. Although my work has an anti-discrimination policy, what if my co-workers make my life hell? Also, how do I backtrack what I’ve already told them?
2007-12-12 05:37:12 · 13 answers · asked by scarlett3984 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you like your job and plan to stay for a while, fess up.
2007-12-12 05:44:28 · answer #1 · answered by Tamm 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If no one will come forward there isn't much that you can do. Your supervisor was way out of line for telling your co workers about your sexuality. You can go talk to the supervisor and just tell her that you heard that she told people that you were a lesbian and just tell her that in the future you would prefer that you be the one to tell people if you choose to do so. Go to her calmly and don't let her know that you are mad about it so that things don't get out of hand or she will try to find a way to fire you. If someone will come forward, I would go to the HR dept and let someone know what she did. That was so unprofessional. not to mention immature. How does she know that you are a lesbian anyway? Its not usually on an employment application. If you discussed it with her she may have thought that it was something that you wanted people to know. Since everyone knows now you just need to go to work, be yourself and hold your head high. Watch out for that supervisor, never tell her anything you don't want everyone to know.
2016-03-15 22:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by Mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to go through that kind of stress. You have lots of options:
- You could tell your co-workers that you prefer to keep your personal and professional life separate. I would hope that they would respect that.
- You could come out to your co-workers and explain that you were afraid of what they would think. Maybe you would be surprised. They might be more accepting than you think. Or they might learn something from you. Or they might not care at all. If they do give you a hard time about it, you can report it to your supervisor. If that fails, you could contact an attorney to see what legal protections are available in your state.
- If it is not worth it to you to go through any of this, you can always work somewhere else and get a clean start.
Only you can decide what is the right thing for you.
2007-12-15 08:58:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in a bad situation. I understand why you would have said you are going to marry a man, but this has now kind of gotten you trapped. If you come out to them they will probably be quoting the bible to you all day, and trying to make you change your lifestyle, then they will make your life so miserable you will be forced to quit. I don't think you can keep up the lie you are going to marry a man unless you do as someone else said and tell them you have broken it off. I think it is time to look for a new job because sooner or later these people are not going to accept you. It is too bad you have found a job in a place where you now know it is full of intolerant people.
2007-12-12 06:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Kayla S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just told them that at that time, because you were knew, didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable....
Tell them... if you like this job and plan on being there a while, I wouldn't be afraid....
Congrats on your wedding... I hope you guys are blessed with a wonderful wedding day and a happy yet prosperous life together.
2007-12-12 06:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by Lupe S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah jeez, you really did it this time, didn't you ? Well, I think whatever you say or do now, it will be uncomfortable all around because you chose to be dishonest. Be prepared to get another job, if that's possible. I suggest just coming clean, tell your co-worker(s) that you feared rejection, so you misinformed them about the gender of your spouse, and then tell them, and THEN tell them you don't want no damn lecture about how you're going to hell blah blah blah. And then be the best worker you can be, and put up a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar over your desk LOL just kidding...Or just show them a picture of your fiancee, and say, "...any questions...?" and then start filing your nails...
2007-12-12 05:54:19 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well i understand the position you are in, it must be tough. I would say that now is the time to be honest; come clean with them and tell them you said your fiancee is a man because you weren't sure how they'd react andtell them your private life will not interfere with work and you'd prefer to just keep your private life at home.
or could you try talking to the doctor about it and seeing how he suggests handeling it?
you are being awfully judegmental just asusming they will be homophobic.
2007-12-12 06:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, get through you probation period first. In most states an employer can terminate you within the first 90 days without a reason. Don't let this be the back-door reason.
Once you have passed your probation, if you want to let people into your personal life, have at it!!!
2007-12-12 05:53:39 · answer #8 · answered by BionicNahlege 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Say you don't carry a photo of your fiancee, and if anybody else asks about your wedding, say you want to keep it a private affair. Then change the subject.
2007-12-12 05:46:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
your basically going to have to tell them now that they are asking to see pictures. if they act different towards you than this means that they werent your true friends from the start
2007-12-12 06:08:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you, but prepare for the consequences...if you don't want to tell them, just say you don't want to discuss your personal life...if you wanna get it off your chest, then tell them, but you have to prepare for the worst possible situation. (They might be very nice to you) but they could all turn into the worst people ever. Are you prepared to handle that, personally I don't care what people think fo me, but not everyone is like me. So you have to make that choice for yourself and see if it's wroth it or not.
2007-12-12 08:00:30 · answer #11 · answered by Moxie! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋