I have physical custody, we have joint legal custody of our two kids, ages 12 and 8. I live 7 hours away from where their dad lives. This makes normal arrangements difficult with school, work, etc. He has not seen them at all since July, and they have had many days off from school in order to visit with him, he puts forth no effort. He rarely returns calls the kids make to him, normally about one call for every 4 or 5 messages left by them. So,I have been calling regarding Holiday plans since November. I told him the kids had activities on the 21st, 22nd,and the Christmas Eve Play at Church that they wanted to be involved in, therefore, could we arrange something from the 26th of Dec through the 6th of Jan. After at least two weeks with no response we made our plans. He calls two days ago and says, he can only get time off 21-26, (LIE, I know he gets the next weekend off too) so my plans will not work. Now kids are sad and I feel stuck- cancel activities, or tell dad to work it out?
2007-12-12 05:28:15 · 9 answers · asked by B. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The visitation arrangement states he is to have them from when they get out from school until Christmas day this year...but with no responses, and with him knowing the kids had Holiday plans they wanted to make, I think its crappy that he knowingly waitd to call, and now if I have to follow the agreement, the kids will be the ones who have to make the sacrifice. Visitation is for the benefit of the kids..not the parents. I know he hates me...why do this to your kids? was I wrong In letting them sign up for Holiday activities? We have already been in court three times regarding other issues for which HE was in contempt of the agreement. I am so sad and confused!
2007-12-12 05:33:40 · update #1
Ask the kids what they want and try to make it happen
2007-12-12 05:34:43 · answer #1 · answered by idtshadow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let's go back in time here a sec...because there is a reason for the behavior - and once you address it - you can work on your issues. Who moved 7 hours away?
If it was you, then the father feels as if he has been alienated anyway, and more than likely has the attitude a lot of divorced father's do..."what's the point" she has taken them from me anyway. He feels he really isn't a parent anymore, and therefore doesn't really act like one, nor will he ever respect you...and for everything you want, he will push back at you, just on principle.
If he moved, then he isn't interested in being a parent, and you can't force someone to be a responsible parent.
Legally, you had no right to set up activities for the holidays without his consent - that is what "joint legal" means - you discuss and agree to things like that, or you don't do it at all. If you continually set things up for the kids, again, depending on who moved - the connotation could mean you don't respect him,and his rights as a parent - and therefore it has put you where you are. But here you are demanding respect? Can you see how that doesn't work?
He has informed you of the dates he is available to take the kids, regardless if you think you have caught him in a lie or not - the dates given are within the time that the decree orders - and therefore, the children should be sent to the father. He can deal with the kids' disappointment of missing the holiday activities if it does truly upset them.
Next year, and all other times, if calls go unanswered, send a certified letter. And from now on, when it comes to times like this - don't schedule the kids for any activities until you have worked out the most important one - visitation.
2007-12-12 06:25:05 · answer #2 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you spoken to an legal professional approximately custody preparations and possession of the condo? If I have been you I'd get proper on it. Like now! Since you are taking good care of the kids you must battle for complete custody of the kids with possession of the dwelling till the youngest is of authorized age (almost always 18 right here within the states). What might occur if she abruptly determined to transport again within the condo and desired you out the next day to come?? Your attorneys can figure out all of the element of visitation and youngster aid. She moved out and you do not need to allow her keep there. Get a spine and quit letting her name all of the pictures. She'll hold to stroll in all places you so long as you allow her.
2016-09-05 09:28:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not up to the kids to decide if they go or not. Certainly we like to hide behind the "best interests of the child" but it boils down to what is legal here and that is what is in your visitation agreement/court order. Dont get me wrong I am for what the kids want but we are talking legalities here not moral issues. He is under no obligation to inform you what his plans are unless its in writing, if he is to pick them up on the first day out of school then you already have notice. If he is not following the order, historically, you need to document this and take him to court and get it modified. But dont be the one taking action illegally you may find it to nip you in the butt later.
2007-12-12 06:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by Slick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cancel your kids activities, they're probably really looking forward to them! Tell the dad to figure his stuff out, b/c you've given him more than enough warning. Good luck, and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
2007-12-12 05:32:54 · answer #5 · answered by Katy B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think it would make the kids happy cancel the plans and let them visit dad you always have to remember you are doing it for the kids not him
2007-12-12 05:33:31 · answer #6 · answered by kc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time you get him on the phone, have the children tell him that they want to be in the play. I would imagine he will have a really hard time saying no to them.
2007-12-12 05:35:20 · answer #7 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let the children decide, that way they get what they want and you won't be the bad guy or carry the weight of the decision.
2007-12-12 05:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you're not changing your plans and he needs to come up with a Plan B.
2007-12-12 05:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋