Help with this hate I have towards someone?

Question

I usually don't get too upset about things. I try to be nice and show respect towards everyone. That being said just yesterday someguy where my gf works said some really degrading remarks towards her infront of her boss and a few other people.

After taking my gf home I started to think about what he said more and more. I tried to brush it off thinking thats a stupid thing that people do or what he said isn't so bad. That didn't help at all. I just started to get more raged. It came to the point where I wanted to kill this guy.

I went to his work place went behind the counter swore at him. I kind of wacked him in the face grabbed him around the neck with my right hand and told a lot of F words. Anyway if he had acted disrespectful and not said sorry I would have beat him. I really was ready to kill him too. Its not over and he could say other stuff behind my back. I need advice to calm down and not become to upset about this. How can I deal with this in a healthy way?

Answer 1

Regardless of what other's may think,my bf would have done the same thing!. That guy had no right,to degrade her in front of her boss,or anyone else. He got what he deserved. Now that you've proved to him,that you will not tolerate anyone disrespecting your gf,the job is done. Take her out on the town,and have a good time,and put it all behind you. (Good Luck)

Answer 2

This man talking badly about your gf is just an idiot. You shouldn't have even confronted him its not going to change him. I think maybe what bothered you was the fact that you feel like you should be able to protect your gf from things like this. Blowing up like you did will probably make this person feel like the victim and he will feel none of the regret you think he feels about the things he said. The best way might be to remember you cant shelter her nor can you stop people from saying stupid things. Know in your heart that you love her and she knows you want to keep her from things like that but you both know that's not possible. She should have confronted the boss, as soon as the remarks were non-work related/factual the boss should have put an end to the conversation and told the person his actions were unacceptable. It is her employers responsibility to keep the work environment safe for her. |You ontheother hand violated this for the foul mouthed man so her issues being brought to the boss now might be compromised. People that talk crap about others are only trying to make themselves feel and appear better.Do not give them the satisfaction of a response. Its like a bad child wanting attention good or bad it doesn't matter.

Answer 3

If I could offer you words of wisdom that were so fantastic and inspirational that upon reading them they would remove your extreme anger from your life forever, well, I would surely be the next true Messiah, and world peace would be at hand.

Alas, the road to peaceful life and loving relationships is not a matter of just obtaining a good map and possessing a desire for a more pleasurable life experience.

Succeeding internally differs quantumly from every other form of success. I often laugh out loud at the trickster god's sublimely perfect perverse humor. It seems that every thing that is true is also false - due to Paradox. It's like finally discovering the road map to peaceful living, but then noticing that the flip side of the map contains an indentically correct - but different - route to the same destination.

Considering again your question, I find myself declaring you to be either primitively niave, or maybe mired in a particularly insane and hopeless desparation with life, or perhaps you are a curious visitor from a younger civilization where violence and chaos dominate. In any event, a long journey awaits you.

All that is required is that you commit yourself entirely to becoming a person of peace and happiness and above all else, love. When you are ready, really ready, life will show you all that you need.

So we know this about the answer to your question: it is as simple as it is difficult.

Answer 4

Wow....understandable that ya got pissed.....but man ya went about it the WRONG way.

Ya need to confront him and his boss and explain (quietly) that you don't appreciate the things that were said about her. That she was not there to defend herself.

As a feamle, I think it's cool ya want to protect yer gf....but seriously, getting phsyical about it will only get you in legal trouble. Assault charges can be brought against you, especially if ya went behind the counter....not sure what kinda counter yer talking about,....but there is a chance yer on video.

No one can be forced to like someone, but it is yours and her right to expect to be treaed with repsect in the work place. Trash talking in front of other employees and costomers is just wrong.

Talk to your gf, after all she is the one who has to show her face there and put up w/ the disrespect. She has every right to tell her boss that she doesn't like what was said and expects an apology. Filing a complaint may be the only thing she can do now since you seem to have taken it upon yourself to react as you did.

Not knowing the full details makes giving a detailed answer kinda hard. Might be time for her to look elsewhere for a job.

Answer 5

The best thing you can do is tell your gf to talk to her boss about harassment issues in the work place.
What you did could cause her to work in a hostile environment which will end up being a no job.
You need to find an outlet for your own emotions, like at the gym.

Answer 6

Hi, this is a normaal reaction to feeling you need to protect the honor of your girlfriend.
I would like to suggest that you think about it first.
Take a step back.

She was the victim and not you. Advise her how she can deal with this situation and keep your cool. It will only make things worse for both of you in the long run. You don't want it to get too out of hand otherwise you could be up for charges, which would be a great shame for an idiot don't you think?

Some guys get a kick out of disrespecting girls I wouldn't give him the room to let it bother me. he's not worth it.

Remember keeping cool these days isn't easy.

Answer 7

it sounds like there is more going on then just that guy. are there other things in your life that you feel you have no control over? this situation may be your way of taking some kind of control. the anger could be pent up from not being able to take control with other things. maybe you could start excepting the things you cannot control, things usually work themselves out. and if something dosen't go your way then maybe that is not what you need in your life. sometimes we don't know what is best for ourselves.

Answer 8

I used to be in law enforcement,the first thing I was dismayed at is the fact that you committed assault.The saveing grace though is that at least you gave reasons that motivated your actions.I posess a degree in socialogy and criminology.With that being said I feel qualified to adress this matter.As long as you have a strong relationship with I assume to be ur girlfriend gives you a position of confidence and that in of itself helps in dealing with these type situations or(jerks).I'm not saying I don't impethizem,I just don't think you realize that this jerk not only deminstrated to one of no class but,set himself up to be greatly humiliated.After makeing the insult grants the position in which to redirect to expose his own stupidity.And there are a number of ways and methods inwhich to inlighten this individual his decrepencies in charicter and shortcommings.Satisfaction of the highest order will be yours.Methods that's used to accomplish this and sucssed is for you to decide and will no longer put you in a position to feel obligated to respond in a negitive way.Should the individual chose to continue to escilate hostilities will only worsen for him.

Answer 9

Talk to your gf, your behavior could land you in jail for assult and her fired. YOu don't want that cause this guy will just proceed on to degrading someone else. YOu gf should go talk to her boss and express her feelings on what was said. There is a no tolorance for making someone uncomfortable like that in a work place. Your gf needs to deal with this and not tolorate this behavior, she needs to stand up for herself. You can't fight her battles for her, yes you want to protect her, but she needs to put a stop to this in her work place. What was it he said to her?

Answer 10

A very wise man once told me that the reason that I hated some people was because my "mind's eye" saw something in them that reminded me of something that I disliked about myself. His advice was to ask that person out for a drink, or dinner, and lo and behold, I found one of the best friends I have ever had in my life. Hope that helps!