My husbad and I have a very satisfying sexual life. We have been married for over 8 yrs. I have 2 kids and life is good. He never cheated on me and he is a home buddy, perfect, compare to all the issues I have seen here. 2 years ago we decided to spice things up by doing a threesome. We were both ok with it. The deal was we would do it with a man first, then with a lady for him. One week before the date I noticed he started to have second thoughts...but I told him it was too late. I really wanted the experience. We did it and it was a disaster, at least for my husband. He couldn't function and told me repeately in my ear we should stop, but I ignore him. This almost broke my marriage. It has taken us almost two years to heal from my selfisness of that night. He is happy now, I think he got over all this,,But I haven't,,I feel guitly we never did the second part of the deal. He doesn't want to do anything else to hurt us again,,But I can't live with this guilt. any advice?
2007-12-12 03:20:53 · 31 answers · asked by Nena77 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow,,,I can say is your husband is a better man than I will ever be. I can't believe he still there. But he must love you very much. These situations are lessons that you should never, ever try to learn again. You have a beautiful family, a husband that obviously loves you and have never requested the second part of your agreedment to be fullfill,,,then why in heaves would you want to do this again? Seeing him with another women will not get the guilt off your shoulders. It will just brake your heart and put you on the spot that took him two years to recover from. Honor your love for him,,renew your vows,,and be happy. Good luck to you both.
2007-12-12 03:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you didn't listen when he told you a week before he was having second thoughts, I mean a whole week is plenty of time to call the whole thing off? Is that why you are guilty. If so then there is no point in worrying about something you can't change. In the scheme of things it's not the end of the world and you are still together, try and forget it and put it down to bad judgement. You would probably have felt the same had it been 'his turn' first!
2007-12-12 11:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know you still feel guilt? It might be a bad idea to keep bringing it up if you have been. You may want to think about talking to a counselor. If you are a religious person at all, ask God to take it from you. Guilt is a horrible thing for you both to live with, and it does affect him and your kids. If nothing else, tell yourself you will stop feeling guilty because your family needs you back. It may be hard to stop, because it's a habit now. Like any habit though, it can be stopped. Give it to God or the Universe.
2007-12-12 11:28:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's always helpful to think of situations like this as having entered into a contract. Contracts are always subject to any change on which both parties agree. Since the first half didn't work out well, it sounds like it would be a great idea for the both of you to waive the second half. You'll need to ask him, but if he's OK with not following through, then you have nothing else to feel guilty about (since it sounds like he forgave you for not stopping with the man when he asked you to).
2007-12-12 11:26:39 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, my hub and I are considering doing that as well.
First, you should not have gone through with it since he had second thoughts. Once undressed I'm not sure I could have said no either, but a week, a day or an hour before the deed? It should have been at least post-poned.
That said. He has forgiven you, forgive yourself. Make it up to him...I'm sure he has fantasies he'd like to experience that don't involve a third.
Good Luck
2007-12-12 11:32:44 · answer #5 · answered by CarrieKnowsAll 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have got to be kidding! Is over lady. Leave it alone. Honestly you want to repeat that whole fiasco again, just so that he will feel as guilty as you? Misery loves company. Be glad you didn't get no disease from it. If your marriage was so happy and satisfied, why was there a need to complicate things in the first place. It doesn't sound to me as he was enough for you to start with.
2007-12-12 11:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes! Forget the second part. YOU made it a disaster. Situations like this demand total agreement. You can back out the last second if one or the other has a problem with it. Thank your lucky stars you're still married. Don't even mention the second part. That will only remind him of the first part. Good luck.
2007-12-12 11:25:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit down with him and talk to him about the situation and about how you feel. I it seems like he is still traumatized then you should seek couseling. I have heard that his happens a lot in couples. Lets say that you complete the part of the deal you might feel that way about him. I have heard from people who have experienced this that they will wonder if the other person was better than them and usually if one of them liked the other better they seek them. I hope that you two get through this but that is why I have never done it because I know myself and I will feel the same way that your husband is feeling.
2007-12-12 11:29:54 · answer #8 · answered by bnm0044 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is just another piece of proof that betrayal is betrayal, and when one invites others into a marriage, it is forever changed. Sex in marriage is a lovely, private thing, and you changed that---------forever while you are in this marriage.
No, he's not over it, and neither are you.... nor will you ever be. That is one giant hole in the road of your marriage. You may get past it, and as time goes on it will be farther and farther into the background, but it will always be there, and you will always feel guilt. So, sweets, learn to live with it, cuz it ain't evah gonna go away... what WERE you thinking??????
2007-12-12 11:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off the suggestion for a 3some shouldnt of even come up, dont get married if you want more than one man in bed. number 2 i would suggest counciling, at least for the sake of your kids. and third, it was totly selfish of you to do what you did, that even shouldnt of even taken place, the minute he decided he was having second thought YOU should have been supportive and not selfish, so any guilt or possible problems you have now is on you hunny you broutgh this on the two of you.
2007-12-12 11:28:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋