why do i feel so much hate towards my boyfriend after we had sex?

Question

I just feel HATE towards my boyfriend , to the point where i feel i could KILL him. IS there any psychological reason why i feel this way. And the only reason i'm with him is not cuz i'm physically attracted to him just hes kinda stable. But NO physical attraction whatsoever. WHy do i feel this way?

Answer 1

If you are not even attracted to him and are only with your boyfriend because he is "stable"...you are USING him. That is not a basis for any kind of relationship. The anger is more towards yourself and what you are doing with your life than him. You are transferring your anger on to him because it is easier to be angry and blame him than yourself. You need to back out of the relationship and get your head on straight.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You are confused because 'sex' as you call it was never meant to be carried out in the way you describe.
Real sexual satisfaction can only be achieved in a proper long-term relationship between 2 people of the opposite sex who do ' love ' each other properly and are not just after a quick sexual 'kick'.
A fully committed marriage partnership is the best way to achieve a happy and fulfilled life in many different ways including a very enjoyable sex life when you and your husband can work together to be assured of a complete orgasm for you both nearly every time you both agree to indulge in intimate sexual activities of any kind - as long as you both want to try it ( and to agree to stop if either of you begin to feel uncomfortable with it )
Remember God created you and your boyfriend and he created the intimate sex act to be enjoyed by both of you in a long-term marriage arrangement.
Your sub-conscious knows what you are doing is wrong and NOT according to God's plan for all of us - his creation of human beings.
Therefore you are not experiencing the ultimate orgasm and hence feel un-fulfilled and angry with the sexual partner.
Please, for your own sake, stop this relationship now or else have a proper discussion with the boy concerned about his long term plans for the 2 of you re possible marriage and a life-time committment.
Good luck and may God bless the 2 of you.
PS: If there is NO physical attraction then why on earth are you having sex at all ???

Answer 3

He's the wrong guy, hun.

Perhaps it's the fact that you don't feel an true intense love for him that you're wretched for having intimate contact with him. If you were in love, you would be physically attracted to him as well as comforted by him.

Stable is cool and all but not good enough to build a lasting relationship with someone unless you're in your 70's.

Your psychological reaction is merely your own disgust that you did that and instead of channeling that gross out inwards towards yourself, you're projecting it onto him.

Edit: And don't let anyone try to make you think you're crazy or need meds. You just don't have love for him and it's good that you can feel that aversion for someone you don't love. If only more women out there like you...I say you're perfectly normal and DO have self respect or you wouldn't be feeling this way. Kudos to you for being able to realize it!!

Answer 4

I've been irritated by my better half after sex... but it is usually because he didn't hold up his end of the deal, if you catch my drift. Perhaps you aren't really hating him, so much as yourself for what you are doing. Being in a relationship only for stability is essentially a lie, to him and yourself. I would seriously take a step back and re-evaluate the situation and relationship you guys have. You'll have to decide on your own whether or not it's worth what it's doing to you emotionally. Ultimately, no one on Yahoo! or anywhere else can answer that for you. Put your big girl panties on and make your decision, because in a blink of an eye, you'll be 50 and realizing that you've never been happy. No one deserves that.

Answer 5

Your mad now because you traded your body for stability. You are directing the anger at him because you were not attracted to him in the first place.
You do have some sort of problem if you give yourself away for security and then get mad at the person for taking what you offer.
I feel sorry for your boyfriend. If he loves you and is attracted to you, you have given false hope. and are using him.
If you have any mercy you will leave this poor guy so he can find someone that will be good for him.
I am hoping you learned not to have sex for the wrong reason. I am sure your boyfriend has feelings too.

Answer 6

I think you would agree that anger is an irrational response to what you described. You should think about the circumstances of the sexual encounter. Did he do something you did not like? Did you feel pressured into having sex? Was it your first time? Do you feel disappointed? The answers to those questions may help you rationalize your anger. From that point you may have to talk to your boyfriend and see if he has similar feelings or at the very least avoid a repeat of the problem. Good Luck!

Answer 7

It's difficult for anyone here to know exactly why you're feeling this way, ?confused?, but I can throw out some possibilities.

For one, you are probably angry at yourself for being in a relationship that doesn't meet all your needs. It's not him you want to kill but rather your dependence on having a stable, yet not particularly attractive partner. In psychiatric terms, there's one part of you that hates another part for choosing security over passion.

Sex can be an emotional event. The idea of "giving" yourself to another isn't just semantics. It feels like we are sharing ourselves with something foreign, something that has it's own identity. That can be frightening, or at least bring up anxiety around the whole idea of sexual relations. Being turned on by another person helps us get over that fear of letting someone else into our inner world.

Not feeling the stimulated draw toward sharing our bodies can seem like an attack, someone somehow breaking through our defenses and taking our dearest possessions. I think you might be feeling like you left the gate to the castle open, which is in direct conflict with your need for security. This could make anyone angry at themselves. But since true hate of oneself is too difficult to process, we turn that emotion, naturally, upon the invader who takes advantage of the open gate.

You may also have some history with people taking advantage of you which intensifies your emotions even more. We can be hurt by our parents making choices that leave us vulnerable or feel like our defenses have been breached. Or perhaps someone outside the family has taken advantage of you in the past. These are all subjects worth looking into as you try to figure out why you get so angry with your boyfriend.

Obviously, the easy answer is that you need more from your relationship than security. Perhaps you can get it from your boyfriend, or perhaps you will need to go elsewhere. However, your intense reaction to something that is assumed to be a part of a loving relationship indicates to me that there is more to your situation than just that. I encourage you to talk to a therapist who might be able to help you understand the roots of your anger and find ways to have more fulfilling relationships.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Did he talk you into or otherwise coerce you into having sex with him? If so, that is why you feel this way. If not, then it sounds like you have some issues. It is probably time to dump the guy, who you obviously don't love anyway, and work on your personal problems before you get involved with someone. Good luck!

Answer 9

Were you abused as a child?
DId the men in your life use the women in your life?

It could be a host of things.

I have been married (and am currently) but have never been in love simply because I don't allow myself to because every male in my life (or any man I've met, really) has never done right by their wife or by women...so I have a block up and i cant seem to fall in love and i, too, pick men who seem stable and have it all going for them, but no one I really love

So it could be that you have some issues that may be worked out with a counselor or therapy.

Answer 10

Well I think there are some psych issues going on, but first I believe you have issues before you made the comment about sex. you are only with him for his money so that in its self is a issue. you are with him for all the wrong reasons. I personally think you should get out of this relationship because if he finds out that you are disgusted with him and using him he may hurt you.