Just a submission; while aware of my abilities; always seeking; and judgements are taken lightly; as a mortals notion.
"Am I so "strong" as to be like a bird that never "lites"; forever lofting; soaring and "resting" on thermals?
Is "grounding" a sanctuary, or a binding upon me, and more relevant; what more do I wish for?
Certainly in the Ethereal; there is isolation; even if not "resolution"; yet one can be surrounded; and extend to great lengths; every sense they are imbued with.
Seeing always those others so bound; does it "wrench" us; or give us more cause to remain in flight?
A personal choice I most suspect; "To be or not to be" comes to mind."
2007-12-12 02:07:40 · 6 answers · asked by DIY Doc 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The strong bird you are, I doubt that you'll ever be grounded, or bound by no less than your true heart's desire.
But, clearly, as you have alighted here, you wish 'To be'.
(xoxo)
2007-12-13 05:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by SunDancer 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like a nice philosophical musing, especially when it uses good vocabulary. Your first line (stanza) is great; I like the simile, and it sets up something to ponder. Very nice -- though if Y!A allowed italics, it would look much better than using quotation marks.
Unfortunately, things break down in the middle. The first part of line two continues the simile nicely, and asks another good question. However, I think the second part of line 2 is actually *less* relevant, as you never explore that question more fully. While it might be more relevant to you as thinker, it is not relevant to the work as a whole.
Line 3 talks about the "ethereal" as presumably the alternative to "grounding," and I think here is where the concept starts to unravel for me. I don't read a coherent statement there.
Line 4 is pretty good, it comes back to the philosophical musing and begins to tie everything together.
Line 5 is ok, but it kind of leaves one hanging. I would rather see something more substantial. If you conclude that it's a "personal choice," then what choice do YOU make? That's where the climax of the work should be found, and it's just not there. Leaving it all unresolved is a little *too* cerebral, I think.
Finally, I must say you over-use the semicolon. In almost all cases, it could have been dropped or replaced with a comma. It comes off a little pretentious, and frankly undermines the intellectual integrity of the poem (from the perspective of a grammarian).
However, pretty good work overall; a few 'tweaks' could make this very powerful indeed.
2007-12-12 11:25:28 · answer #2 · answered by Sir N. Neti 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this is just beyond my intellect, but I really don't have a clear idea of what you're talking about. I think you're talking about whether it's better to be alone and above everyone, or safe and among people who may not understand you. I think "the Ethereal" is always a risk, usually resulting in periods of isolation, but eventually you'll find a place where you belong, as long as you keep looking.
Also, you're obviously very smart and poetic, but you should work on writing in a clearer and more accessible way.
2007-12-12 10:43:59 · answer #3 · answered by thatpirategirl 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you are a strong bird, even you would have to "lite".If you are seeing others bound, especially if they are familiar faces, it has to be "wrenching", but we all know that life is about choices. And, if those that are bound choose to remain in their situations, I would choose to spread my wings and take flight before I became bound by their situation also.And, be thankful that you are the strong bird that you are. XOXO
2007-12-12 10:48:10 · answer #4 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You have way too much time on your hands if you are a major contributor here and plant a nonsensical diatribe in this forum. GO GET A JOB!
2007-12-12 10:13:24 · answer #5 · answered by Tom _ Red Sox fan 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋
2 points...thanks
2007-12-12 10:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by lil_sister58 5 · 1⤊ 5⤋