I met a guy 2mths ago and we have been friends. There has been no sex between us, we both want to but we think it's not a good idea at the moment. I haven't been happy for a long time and now i feel like i could be falling for this guy. One of the biggest reason's why we haven't had sex is cos i'm married and also cos he respects me and believes sex is sacrid. We both agree that we met at the wrong time in our lives.I am 23 and he is 30. My life began at 14 when i met my partner and his has yet to begin. We both feel like we could never be 2gether but when we see each other it feels so right. I don't know what to do. Isn't it true we have just one life do i take a chance, or stay in unhappy marriage.
2007-12-12 01:53:24 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have discussed the problems in our relationship. One major problem is he is an addict he likes to smoke pot not casually, he needs it daily to function properly. 5yrs ago i broke it off with him for 3mths and I explained that i wasn't happy and was confused about what i wanted for myself. He gave up his habbit then and 2wks after getting back 2gether he was back on it. I have discussed sollutions and tried supporting him but nothing get's through. I have 3 children and our first child came along when i turned 16 when he was one was when we split the first time. I have a 3yr old daughter and 1yr old son and i worry about there future. Yes i have expressed this to my husband but i feel he is being childishly ignorant.
2007-12-12 02:46:14 · update #1
Teegan,
I understand your situation, it is really tough. On one side you have an unhappy relation and on the other side you feel you have found what you really feel is the right one for you. You are tempted to go for the new relation. It is possible, but, please note these and take the appropriate steps.
I understand what plight you might be in. You had a very early relation, at the age of 14 and you held on to its difficulties for 9 long years. And now you feel you have found your love of life. You deserve happiness and a new life IF you were unhappy in your relation. It is absolutely right of you to feel so. But your current partner ALSO needs a fair treatment. You have not given many details as to whether you have discussed the unhappiness with him earlier and what steps you have taken, so, only you know what is the best step to take now. I am sure you will take only the right step because you have value and you uphold those.
You can talk to a counselling agency also. If you are starting any talk with your partner regaring the issues between you two, anytime, please make sure you dont get into blaming games or abusive sessions. There may be a lot of hurt or anger, if you bring them out, it will stress you more.
2 months is actually short for you to understand about the new guy. You may feel he is good for you because you are actually stressed out or unhappy. Make sure your steps are right or else you will undergo more pains.
I believe you are very good and have some strong values. I admire you for that. I want you to be happy. :-)
1. Tell your new friend that you want a little time regarding this without any assurance to him as to what will happen after that, ask him whether he would wait. Please note he has a crucial role to play here and he should give you confidence and support all the time. After you start something, he should not back out. There are thousands of instances like that.
2. Because you found someone new and perhaps better, you CANNOT leave your partner of 9 years, however tempting that may be. Because the feelings may change and you dont know when you will be at the receiving end. You have to preserve your values here also.
3. Think back and verify whether your feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction about the current partner was there even earlier or whether you and he had discussed it earlier and try to work out things. This is important, if you had done this earlier, then your dilemma becomes less difficult. Even if you were keeping separate or sleeping separate or any sort of non-fulfillment of the relation is fine to start your talking now. If you had already tried to correct the issues in your current relation and things were not still working for you, then, you have a stronger reason to think what you think now.
4. If you have never discussed your unhappiness with your partner yet, then my dear, you have difficulties in going ahead with your new love. You may have to even forget him. Or else, you will have to give up your values or he will have to be ready to wait for you without any condition or any chance of a possible union with you at all. This is a fact of life, you will have to accept.
I pray for you. I want you to be happy at the end of all this. Take care.. All the best..
2007-12-12 02:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is how long have you "been unhappy"? I mean you need to REALLY look at this. Most time I think it is amazing that the unhappy thoughts only come out when people have met someone that gives them the butterflies... The problem is that most times, your SO, gave you those same feelings in the beginning. I think that all of the energy you have put into this other person should have been put into your partner.... I mean I'm sure you probably are taking better care of yourself when you know you're going to see this other person, so why not do things like that for your partner... (Meaning... dressing better, doing your hair, make-up, etc.)
Or, you can take the chance that 9 years from now you wont be in the same boat with this new guy... Personally, I would turn around and put the effort back into my partner and guess what happens... Things get better between the two of you and it becomes like dating again... Instead of butterflies in your tummy, you get that heart pounding feeling... So the choice is up to you, either do the easy thing and give up or do the hard thing and put the work into the life you have with your partner...
MOST people just give up, because after all... it is WAY too easy to do so... If you want to be happy... it takes work... it is not a one way here... Happiness is a two way street.
2007-12-12 02:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-02-04 10:41:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is to short to be unhappy. Make the most of it and put your happiness first. You need to make the decision whether to leave your husband for this other man or work on your marriage. You know if you decide to leave your husband for this other man there is a chance that it might not work out and then what ? you have ended your marriage. Maybe the two of you want one another cause you know that you really can't cause you are married. Only you know how you feel and only you can make this decision. You need to choose either to end your marriage for this other man destroying however many years you have invested with your husband or do you owe it to yourself to work on your marriage cause deep down inside you love your husband but just need to rekindle the flame. Good luck!
2007-12-12 02:17:04 · answer #4 · answered by Blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Im a firm believer in making a marriage work, unless he abuses you, then no I wouldnt stay with him. As for this new guy, I think you need to cut him out of your life until you make a decision about your marriage. Right now you are needing love and attention and this person is there giving it to you. You need to sit down and talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Maybe things can be worked out and you can rekindle the love that you once had with him. Im sure that you still love him, its just hidden underneath alot of problems that you and him have. But, dont make the mistake of sleeping with another man or even continueing your relationship with him until you have resolved your marriage. Good luck!
2007-12-12 02:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by Ang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What to do? Get a divorce and be ALONE for a while to figure out what you want in life and what makes you happy. Men don't make us happy, they add to our happiness. If you rush from one relationship to another how can you have time to evaluate what YOU want or need? If you don't do this you could waste another 9 years.
When people ask why you shouldn't marry young....this is the exact reason. We don't fully mature until our late 20's and sometimes 30. You are only 23 and too young to really know yourself yet. Your 20's should be time for self exploration, finding out what you like and don't like. A time to educate yourself and see the world a little. If you think you've changed since 14 just wait and see who you are at 29!
Start being you. Figure out who that is before you rush into any serious relationships and you'll be happy when you DO fall in love.
Good luck :)
2007-12-12 02:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perfect question for me to answer. My dad was in a relationshop with my mom for 20 years, he lived an unhappy marriage that no one ever knew about. Then he lost it had an affair left us kids and my mom and decided not to pay her anything or pay us kids any college money because we wanted nothing to do with him for what he did. My advice to you is if you love this other person more then your partner. Sit him down and say look I found someone else. I never did anything with him but that is why I am talking to you so I dont hurt you like that. i think we need a divorce and I will pack my bags and leave. If only my dad did that to my mom I wouldnt be so angry with him. Because he was strong and did the right thing before it got too bad. You only live once and dont go to the point where you are unhappy and do a silly mistake. Talk to your partner about it. They will get over it one day. More so then if you cheat and leave him when you are still married. then when you are completly divorced go get the person you are in love with. Good luck and I hope you make the right desicion.
2007-12-12 02:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by my life my joy...bailey :-) 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So,,,your question is . Can this wrong make a right?,,NO,,you are married. Unhappy, but married. If you want to end the marriage, ended first. In my opinion you should Identify why are you so unhappy because it might not even be the marriage, it could be you yourself and issues that has nothing to do with your husband. In that case, even if you get divorce, your next relationship will fail as well. To start a new romance, when you haven't solved the first problem (ur marriage), is to be unfair to the new person.
2007-12-12 02:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't say whether or not you have children. If you, stop seeing this other man immediately, and start working on your marriage! You owe it to them to give them a stable home with both parents, unless there is adultery, abuse or severe addiction.
If there are no children, I still think you owe it to your husband to try to work things out. If you are unhappy, you are at least partially at fault -try to work it out.
If you are so caught up in the "romance" (read:infatuation) of the situation, and no children are involved, and youdecide to leave your husband, at least have the moral decency to break of the other relationship until you get divorced. Also, be fair enough to walk away clean. Don't try to ask for spousal support or get property he had before you married. Split the assets you accrued over the course of the marriage, and leave the poor guy to rebuild his life.
2007-12-12 02:04:59 · answer #9 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You took vows and you have already broken them by cheating. There are many ways to cheat. You need to either commit to your husband or this very moment tell him you want to commit adultry. You are being childish holding on to your husband just in case thing do not work out with this man. Would you not have told him by now? Do not expect respect from this guy who has now seens you cheat on your vows. If I were your husband I would want to know NOW so that I wouldn't waste another breath or day on you.
It is okay to divorce if you are being abused, but to leave for other reasons is selfish and cruel. Adults work on their problems. Finding solutions makes ppl grow closer, more loving, it sounds like love is all in the pants to you!
Also, read your question and you will see your problem in a nut shell. Everything is about poor you and bad timing for you. What about the guy you married. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED T"HAT HE HAS A LIFE TOO. You are selfish and immature and narcissistic.
Why don't the three of you watch the Bridges of Madison County and live another day in that childish fantasy worl of yours.
If this guy is on pot you should not have him around your young children. Tell him what he is doing is causing you and them pain and to get out of your life. He is a loser if he is smoking pot and he is a father. He needs to grow up. Do you want to lose your kids because this moron is smoking dope? LEAVE>
2007-12-12 02:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋