Fallen Daughter. Any Thoughts?

Question

If I sing will it leave a scar?
Beauty never looked into my eyes and took me for its own.
I wanted the glitter, the glamour, the transience,
something to cling to as life lost meaning.
Feeling wanted became a thrill I never knew.
A prayer builds behind my eyes and leaves my lips
but heaven is a closed door for me.
I will extend the invitation but I will not accept it.
That joy, that pain is for you alone,
that love a chastening rod.
I wish on a star but it falls
and in the ensuing darkness I am alone with myself.
Afraid of the mirror I turn away.
I have torn the curtains from my eyes to unveil
a world that does not want me.
My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?
Forgive me, they are borrowed words,
but the message still rings true.
I have forgotten that which I used to hold,
forsaken that which professed to love me.
She said, "I adore you,"
then raped me with her mind.
Imprisoned in my own thoughts,
feigned insanity becomes a haven.

God preserve me, I am away from that which you have ordained.
The Pagan's bible now I clasp...
narrative of a fallen daughter.

Answer 1

I love the idea that you began the poem with a question. The "borrowed words" lend strength to the poem and the idea of "fallen daughter," like the "fallen angel," gives the poem a host of references and enhances the emotion expressed by the poet and felt by the reader. Finally, the juxtaposition of the fallen in the beginning with "haven" at the end, sums up the horrific comparison of, if I may borrow a title, "Paradise Lost." Congratulations on a wonderful poem.

Answer 2

Obvious this is extremely personal and individual. One can hope you've shared this; or will; with the person who seems to be the object.

A few mixed metaphors but all very narrowly directed at situations and circumstances that "drove" you to express. The fact that you have expressed publically; pretty much dictates that you should now open it to those in question.

You need not forgive; certainly not "forget" but you probably should divest yourself of the "Weight" so as not to carry it for life.

That said; for us here; not knowing the situations; it's difficult to judge that person in question. Certainly my opinion is; you should use this piece theraputically; medicinally; and release it.

Steven Wolf

Answer 3

Your angst gets a little old, but never more beautifully written. You over do it a little bit, but the exaggeration does portray your mood. Ever the drama queen, Evadne, ever the drama queen. And about HER again, get over it already. However, I do like the line "feigned insanity becomes a haven." It suits your personality very much.

Answer 4

He should know what suits you. i love the borrowed line, "became a thrill i never knew." it fits here. we are the writings borrowers are we not. that is what poetry is; the borrowing of words already heard, shaped into the emotions that we feel. here i go, trying to be philosophical. don't want to end up like Pof Sholtyfolty (

Answer 5

Oh god how terrible and wonderful...I'm so sorry..geez..Have you ever thought of letting your mom read your poetry..My sister did something like that purposely left some of her stuff behind..words she wouldn't dare say out loud...Poor crumpled up paper doll..your beautiful in your sorrow but what I wouldn't do to see the true beauty of happiness on your lovely face...

Answer 6

We are both fallen daughters. Bet Larouxe wishes he was a fallen daughter, we both know how dramatic he can be.
Loved the poem and wish i could say more about it but can't find the words. I'm not as verbose as others here.