Let's say you and your significant other get married and your both known for being a good looking couple in every aspect, but 2 years into the marriage your wife/husband starts letting themselves go (not caring about how he/she dresses or keeping up with regular grooming) while you on the other hand maintain your good looks. Is it shallow/vain to tell your partner that you no longer like the way their looking (but of course you still love them) and that you want them to start taking care of themselves?
2007-12-12 00:30:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it's not shallow. And the answers that you have received that I read missed your point I think. I know what you are getting at where they did not. You know that people do tend to "let themselves go" after a period of time once married. It is common for this to happen and I think it's because people start feeling more and more comfortable with their significant other as time goes by, therefore they let their grooming and such slide more and more. I don't think it is a bad thing necessarily but if it gets to the point of disgust then it's time to stand up and say something. Laying around the house in pj's on a Saturday or any day off from work is fine but it would be nice and considerate to keep clean and comb the hair and use deodorant and so on at the same time. I can see where it can get out of hand if it goes farther than that. Speaking to your spouse or partner should be allowed and not be taken offensively. That's my take on this issue.
2007-12-12 00:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Known for being a good looking couple?? By whom?? lol
It comes off as conceited and yes a little shallow.
If the person seems to be depressed that's one thing. If life is getting too busy and the person doesn't have time to do simple grooming they need to learn to say no to something. If they just don't have time to keep up with the latest fashion because of children or other responsibilities I would think its just a simple shift in priorities. Depends on the person and the situation.
2007-12-12 01:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, it's not shallow or vain. does your partner notice her own changed appearance over the years? perhaps she is busy or became lazy. you remember her as good looking, and you just want to bring that out in her again. just telling her so won't help, though. she sounds as if she needs a little motivation. it could be something like treating her to a hair salon. there she can also get a manicure and a pedicure. [sometimes they do make-up professionally, as well.].arrange a dinner for two; where it's romantic and intimate. or you can have it at home, with candles and jazz or classic music in the background. the music really sets the mood. have this every once or 2 weeks. it can gradually become more frequent because she'll be looking forward to it. it should be a pleasurable and relaxing experience, without any pressure. you want to bring out the woman in her...- then make her feel like one. wouldn't that be the essence of femininity... when she's around her man?
2007-12-12 01:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by viXXXen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wanting your sig.other to take care of themselves in a healthy manner so they live longer so you can be with them longer, no not shallow. Wanting you sig. other to dress better or groom because of their looks, yes shallow. Of course if the hygiene issue is so bad that you can't stand to be around the smell then that is a problem too and not really shallow.
2007-12-12 00:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't read the rest of the answers but I can almost guess what they are going to say. I in the other hand understand what you are asking. I think as long as you communicate with love and sensibility it's not shallow. I think we have a responsibility towards our partners to let them know when we feel they are being careless about their hygiene or looks.
It is our duty, who will do it if not us? That's why marriages fail. People just stop caring about their looks because they already have their man/women...No way,,I look awesome for my wife all the time,,,,,and she looks stunning for me....
2007-12-12 01:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you fall in love with them or their looks? Do you really care what other people think of your partner? A slight suggestion is fine or ask why they quit making themselves look like they did before. It is natural for a person to relax and get comfortable after a relationship goes on for awhile. Ofcourse they looked better when they first met you, it was advertising... lol. Im not saying you shouldnt still try to look good for your partner but it sounds to me like thats what you really care about and yes thats shallow.
2007-12-12 00:36:32 · answer #6 · answered by puglyparker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's seems that the person's partner that let themselves go has gotten really comfortable around the other person which is good. a person shouldnt competley let themselves go all the time. i dont think that its shallow to want your spouse to look nice. they should just keep up with regular everyday to day grooming and good clothes. since communication is key, i would say that a person should talk to their spouse ask why they let themselves go and just say that they should just look presentable.
2007-12-12 09:36:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many will disagree with me, but no, I do not think it is shallow to expect your partner to not neglect themselves. Other than normal ageing or changes in ones appearance that is out of ones control, I truly believe we owe it to our partners to look and feel as healthy as possible. For one to deliberately let their appearance go is an insult to themselves so how can a person that does this expect their partner to respect and accept them this way. Mind you, I am not saying it gives the other partner the right to be cruel about pointing this out and of course it is not a reason for divorce, it is just a matter of concern. Ones appearance usually shows how the person lives and feels about life. If one is too fat, this shows a lack of self control. If one is avoiding personal hygiene it shows a lack of self respect. Who would not be concerned about this?
2007-12-12 02:00:02 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although you may be concerned for your spouse's health and welfare...it doesn't SHOW in your question...so...yes...it does seem shallow. If your real concern is for their health and welfare and not for how they LOOK... you can help by taking an active interest in improved diet and exercise. I quit feeding my husband the foods that he overate...by cooking less and having healthy snacks around. I got him off his butt and out for walks and basketball. It only worked to a certain extent...but it was better than the alternative! Good luck to you both! Hugs, Gina C.
2007-12-12 00:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
you care more what other people think of you as a couple than whether you two are happy
i would be more supportive and want to know why they feel the way they do and if anything was wrong since they had changed so much
not what are our so called friends thinking?
grow up
2007-12-12 00:33:23 · answer #10 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋