My wife hates her job, her co-workers, her boss and her work sitsuation. She is a teacher. For the past 3 years our marriage seems less of a marriage and more like a counseling session and I feel as if I am drowning in her depression. We talk about it (me listening) from the time we get up, to her drive to work, our entire lunch hour and several other times during the day she will call me to tell me the latest horror story about parents or a fellow teacher etc. I am quickly getting to the point where I don't want to speak to her. She tells me that she is worried that she is drowning me in her sorrows and dragging me down...I started to tell her the other day that it was and she became upset saying that I don't support her and that she would me...but I too have problems but there isn't room for my stuff, I don't tell her this because she is too loaded with her own things. I'm a strong person but I'm feeling overwhelmed by her depression. I feel selfish for feeling this way.
help?
2007-12-12 00:27:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is in tears several time per day and I don't feel like I can function after we have a session...it's hard for me to believe humans are designed to go through this day in and day out
2007-12-12 00:29:39 · update #1
Why doesn't she look for another job? If you love her, then support her. Your wedding vows said in good times and bad. Be there for her. That is what a good husband does. I know it gets difficult sometimes, but always try to put yourself in her shoes. Marriage isn't easy, but it's worth it.
2007-12-12 00:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by Snow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is NOT normal. Is she typically obsessive/compulsive in other areas of her life, too? She desperately needs counseling for depression and anger management -- not to mention a new job! You've been supportive, but if she's not going to take steps to help herself, then you are simply enabling her to keep right on doing what she's doing. It is NOT up to you to make her feel better -- she has to do the work.
Time to break the cycle. Tell her, lovingly, that this situation is not normal, and she needs professional counseling to learn how to deal with it. Tell her that you'll be supportive as long as she's taking positive steps to fix things, but she has to begin taking responsibility for her situation and take action, and that you're afraid you've only helped her delay doing what needs to be done by listening to her. She'll be upset with you, probably, but maybe she'll secretly be relieved that matters are starting to resolve. If you have to, make an appointment for her to see the counselor. And strongly urge her to start looking for another job.
Tell her that you will help her do ANYTHING that is constructive -- find a counselor, pay for it, help her write a resume, help her look for a new job -- but you just can't take listening to the endless round of misery any more, it's starting to affect you adversely, and it's time for a change.
Please don't feel selfish. By helping her out of this bottomless pit of depression, you are actually doing her a huge favor and acting with love and compassion. Unfortunately, she probably won't see it that way for a while -- but she will, eventually.
2007-12-12 00:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be really worried about her, too. Help her find a therapist, and offer to go with her for at least the first session. Maybe it's time for her to find a new job, or a better way of dealing with all the problems, but therapy will help her with all that. Let her know you love and support her, but a therapist has the training to fully help her through this process.
2007-12-12 00:58:42 · answer #3 · answered by N L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to seek professional counseling, it sounds like she is deeply depressed & even though you are her husband, you can only do so much before you too are suffering deeply. You are only human and can only do so much. You shouldn't feel selfish at all, as it seems you have been supporting her for quite some time now. Try sitting her down & gently explain to her that you are afraid her situation is getting worse & you are very worried about her. Talk to her about seeking some help. Good Luck
2007-12-12 00:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by Blu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must tell her exactly how this is affecting you The only way to solve this is to tell her to find another job. I went through exactly the same thing with my husband and I know how crazy these obsessive conversations can make you feel. He now has changed his job and instantly became more pleasurable to be with it's been 3 years now and he's still going strong. Hope this happens for you too.
2007-12-12 00:37:36 · answer #5 · answered by holly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are her husband not her therapist. You certainly should listen and empathize but if she is doing this all day long every day then she needs some professional help and you simply don't have the tools to help her. She is destroying her marriage and soon you will be another one of those people she complains about if she doesn't get help.
Good luck.
2007-12-12 00:33:36 · answer #6 · answered by George 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sticky situation. If she is that unhappy in her job she should look for a new one. Also you may want to suggest to her in a kind way that she seek counseling. Let her know that it isn't because you don't support her, its because you want her to find solutions to her depression, solutions you do not have. Just let her know that all you want is to see her happy and think a counselor will help with that. (not exactly lying, but it spares her feelings)
2007-12-12 00:36:19 · answer #7 · answered by funandfancyfree3232 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not selfish and yes, it is not fair to you to live day after day with these complaints. She needs counseling. It's sad that she's teaching innocent children in a public school, but since she is a school employee, her medical insurance will pay for her therapy. Get her there quick.
2007-12-12 06:07:14 · answer #8 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish!!! Your wife needs some help from a professional; she is in WAY over her head emotionally. You have to be honest with yourself and with her... keeping your thoughts to yourself is NO help to either of you. She may need to quit that job; before she's fired. I am sure that they are just as unhappy with her as she is with them. Marriage is about sharing...not about overloading your partner. Get the help you need. Good luck to you both! Hugs, Gina C.
2007-12-12 00:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since she is a teacher, she should go to her boss, if she can't go to her boss, she should go to the superintendent... or the school board... she needs to open up to them about these problems, too... schools have an open door policy, if you have a problem, they are supposed to listen to it... and I am just wondering if she is part of the problem too, since it "seems" she does not like anyone... =(... she's depressed, I am thinking, just like you think she is... if she does not go to the superintendent, I would go and tell them she is depressed and stressed out, and they will call her into the office... it's no good being a teacher if she is depressed like this... good luck! =) you are not selfish, she should open up to her boss/superintendent... speak up!
2007-12-12 00:37:40 · answer #10 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋