What is it with women who love violent men?

Question

In the papers today we have a case of a prisoner who was released early from prison only to kill his Girlfriend days later.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=501317&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

The man had previously served 5 ..... yes 5 .... jail terms before he was put in jail for attacking his girlfriend. However before that sentence was due to finish, he was released early due to overcrowding issues.

He then killed his girlfriend by beating her up so badly her own mother barely recognised her.

Now my question is this.

The man had served 5 jail terms. They had only been together for 10 months in which time the girlfriend called the police 5 times about his violence. He was then eventually jailed for that violence, but upon his release he moves straight back in with her.

At what point when your boyfriend has served 5 previous jail terms for violence and has beaten you up continuously for 10 months do you buy yourself a clue and think ........... hmmmm ......... one day he might kill me with this voilent temper?

I feel sorry for her, but at the same time, if you put your hand in boiling water and get scalded, you dont keep putting your hand in the same bucket do you?? Her case is tragic, but if youre stupid enough to keep playing with fire, then why is it such a surprise when you get burnt.

(I know I sound particularly harsh on this story, but at the end of the day, grown adults need to take some responsibility for their own actions. As much as the man needs to be condemned and jailed for life for his actions, the girl in this case had plenty of clues and yet inexplicably chose to ignore them. Why? You hear of cases like this all the time. Why? Why does it keep happening?)

Michael M - I like your way of thinking ;)

But in all seriousness, I think you have a point. There is a primal instinct of wanting a 'big tough' man to protect them. But in this day and age its unnecessary.

Sparkly arshe .......youre statement

"You really can't judge. Unless you have been a battered woman , have you?"

is ridiculous. Does that mean I shouldnt comment on George Bush as a president because Ive never been a president? Of course you can judge, even from the 'outside'. In fact I probably have a better more even headed views of the matter by not being a battered woman.

Nadadime - As a famous black American girl once said ......... 'You go girl!!!' hahaha .....

Answer 1

Its women who settle for anything bar lonliness..

I find it sickening, and infuriating.

Answer 2

My concern is what else was written:

"Mr Straw replied that the judge had indicated Mournian - an alcoholic and heroin addict - would have killed whenever he was released."

Surely this is a statement that declares an admittance that they knew he was going to kill....just a matter of when he was released.

A statement I truly not understand.

As for your points - there is that question - why do women stay with violent men - I think it shows that women often feel compelled to stay through fear that to refuse a violent man will have tragic/serious consequences since the law and the police can not be there to help all the time - these women are clearly stuck with them unless they move far from where they live - why should they up and leave - they should be protected....these are the victims for goodness sake!

Answer 3

Its very easy to judge someone that is in a relationship like this but if they are beaten and threatened with violence they are hardly going to run. And the person in control knows this and uses that to his best advantage.
Maybe the woman is financially dependent on the man so what does she do stay and get hit or leave with nothing.
Sometimes when you see a couple together and the guy is either drunk or on drugs you think what the hell does she see in him but that is one of life's mysteries what attracts someone to a waste of space.
Maybe because when they met they were not like that and change once they have the woman i control.
I do not think that the sentence for violence is tough enough but if they want to get back together its their life after all.

Answer 4

I think you kind of mean what attracts these women to these men in the first instance. I understand the defences made about escaping from something once you are in it, but I too have often wondered why these women are attracted to someone who will kick them around the living room in the FIRST PLACE!

I think it is a primitive instinct, it must be! I also think that most women believe that they can 'change' their men into what they want, and it is not for some time that they realise that you CAN'T!

I also think, that they believe these people will somehow protect THEM, yet they fail to realise that he whom shouts loudest usually runs fastest when threatened and lets face it you have to be some kind of a wimp to only be able to 'pick' on women!

It's all done up with insecurity, the women are insecure so they seek out these idiots and the men are insecure so they 'give them what they came for'!

Yes, I too am sympathetic (to both parties actually), it's all about up-bringing and this is why the same old mistakes keep being made, nobody learns, no body gives a shite; people are too pre-occupied with themselves to think about thew CHILDREN in this world.....and the NEXT GENERATION OF MORONS WE ARE BREEDING!

Answer 5

10 months is not very long and the telltale signs were there, she should have got out of that one. That said fear can totally destroy any reasoned judgement and in this case it was fear for a very good reason. I must say that psycho's like this frighten me.

I have been in a violent relationship, what at its worse involved being bitten, slapped, punched and even threatened with knives on more than one occasion. The reason for staying was the threat/mostly implied threat that I would not see my children again. However I never felt, or rarely felt out of control of the situation. I always elt that if worst came to worst I was big enough and strong enough to get out before any serious damage could be done to me, probably chanced it a bit on one or two occasions with a knife pointed at me though. This poor woman, and probably in a majority of cases, was physically weaker than her partner, so their is no way ther than to not be there that she would be able to contain the situation. In my case I got used to the mood swings and the 'cycle' that would occur. My saviour, or should I say my partners was prozac. I'm unsure from reading this case what medication if any this violent individual was on. In my scenario the children were never harmed, the violence was solely directed towards me, but in many situations the violence ends up not only against the partner but towards the children as well - and even other family members who try to intervene.

My brother was stabbed by a partner many moons ago, resulting in the slight puncture of one of his lungs, he was lucky it could have been worse.

I have a daughter in her late teens, and she has a boyfriend who seems ok. But the prospect of her getting into that kind of situation does worry me.

Answer 6

i agree with you, however, the others are right, it isn't that black and white. I know personally, I would be out of that relationship in a flash, but maybe other girls would be too scared or whatever.

I think it may be more psychological breaking of the victim rather than physical. I'd imagine the relationship is extremely autocratic, with the victim feeding on any rare form of praise and taking it to mean a lot more than it actually does, thats just my guess anyway

Answer 7

A friend of mine had been badly beaten up for years,finally left him in Spain and went on a visit with their little girl to see him.During that time he raped her at the same time as trying to strangle her.Lucky the neighbours saw through the window as they got the police round and prevented a murder.Although he'd been in court for it and only got a restraining order she's still under the delusion he's gonna change and they're gonna be one happy family.
This is how abused women generally think. It's the delusion they can save and change them with love.

Answer 8

this is not a cut and dry situation. although i am not aware of all the details in the case. only what you state. there are a number of reasons this woman may have taken him back. also the system failed by allowing him to be released early to his victims residence. that should not have occured. if he had no other place..he should have remained in prison. second he could have threatened to harm her if she did not accept him. she may have had no self esteem..been abused all her life... and attributes his violent attention as better than no attention at all. do you know that most women are killed once they have left their abuser.? so before you judge.. you need to know all the facts. and these women do not LOVE violent men... they love men..who happen to be violent. BIG difference. think about it.

Answer 9

There are many reasons a woman stays in these relationships.
* Fear of the abuser.
* They have low self esteem and feel they don't deserve any better than they are getting.
* He said he was "sorry and he would never do it again", so it must be true.
* Finances
* Some women actually think that they can "change" the man who has been abusing her.
* Shame of their situation.
* Some women don't know where to go for help, in spite of the fact that there are organizations to help them.
These are just a few of the reasons some women use.

I was abused once.....that is all it took, ONE time. I deserved better, I would not allow him the chance to do it again.

Answer 10

Most emotionally healthy women would steer clear of a man like that. If, however, the woman was raised in a violent/abusive home, she is primed to repeat it in her adult life, in most cases. There are some really weird dynamics that go on in relationships like this. I think most of the women involved in these partnerships have lost the ability to actually assess dangerousness, or react to it by getting away the minute violence raises its' ugly head. One has to be a pretty messed up human being not to want, or know how, to preserve and protect oneself, sadly.

Answer 11

In violent relationships the violence never starts on the first date, because no one would put up with that.

To start off with the abusive partner is the most wonderful and caring partner ever, they are attentive and do the most romantic things to show how much they care. Then slightly they will change and it will start with trying to change the way someone dresses, and alienating the victim from their friends and family and any support they might have. Only when they have the victim truly where they want them they will be violent.

The woman in this case would have been too scared to leave, probably believing that he would find her anyway and if she left him he would make it worse for her