Is it always right to forgive someone? Is this not accepting what they have done?

Question

If someone has seriously hurt you by an act of betrayal or any other act is not forgiving them accepting what thye did to you. What I mean is that if one forgives this person then it validates what they have done. One can say that yes this happened against my will, and therefore not forgive this person. Is it it alright to not forgive someone and to deny them the right to be forgiven. I have thought about this for a very long time. I now need some advice on what I should do.

Answer 1

forgive, forget and leave it all behind you....the person that betrayed you will someday feel remorse...

I have struggled a vary long time because my two brothers were so creul to me all my life and stolen everything I ever owned and made me homeless, they alienated people I loved from me, they exploited my parents when they were old and they stole my inheritance from me after our parents died.. I am still dealing with it,, sometimes it is so hard to forgive and forget...but if we do forgive it will eat us up inside and make our lives very bitter.
what comes around ..goes around..

Answer 2

Kim
Forgiveness does not mean that you accept or condone the action of the other person. Often, forgiveness is the manner in which you, as the offended person, are able to move on past the incident. Forgiveness is an acknowledgment that a wrong has been done, and ideally, the offender has asked for pardon and shown a repentance for the action. However, there are times when you will need to forgive someone that has not shown any repentance or remorse. This is when it is necessary for you to be able to move past the incident and make a wholeness of your own life. In effect, you are saying that even though the offender did something hurtful, you will not let that action run your life or influence your ability to move on. It is not condoning the action but rather taking a higher stand than the one who offended. This is at times very difficult to do and in some cases it takes time to pass before a form of forgiveness can follow. I hope this will help you. If you continue to be perplexed as to what to do please seek out your clergy or a professional therapist to guide you.

Answer 3

the term ''forgiveness'' itself means that it was an act which was not accepted. But "forgiving'' is complicated. You may forgive, but you have to forgive whole heartedly, or else its not forgiveness. For example you love someone so deeply, and that person hurts you, it leaves a scar in your heart, and then you forgive, but deep inside it keeps recurring back and although you have forgiven, you keep stabbing back in whatever ways you can...that is not forgiveness..it is only verbal. Forgiving is absolutely whole heartedly, free from all the scars of the past, you forget and leave everything behind you and start afresh. So, you have forgiven and you have denied the right to be forgiven ...which is not valid. You have not forgiven. So leave the relationship, keep space, away from each other and think for sometime if you really have let the past be past, if you have, then yes, you are ready to forgive, if not you would only hurt yourself and the other person by ''verbally'' forgiving him / her, and practically hurting him / her whenever possible.

Answer 4

there are a couple of ways to go about this.
1) Forgive the action and forget the person (if it's possible to cut them out of your life) or...
2) Forgive them in the hopes of, or their promise to change.
I can see why forgiveness could be perceived as validation, but if you are still communicating with that person, point out your concerns and observe their reaction. That should give you an indication of their feelings.
there are so many levels of betrayal and it seems this one was very high on your list. The betrayer may not see it as a major incident, unless you point it out to him/her. Communication will give you insight, then decide.

Answer 5

In forgiving someone you are not condoning what they did. You are basically saying, yes, you did such and such. It hurt me but so that I can move on, I will forgive you. Haven't you ever wronged someone? I did without meaning to but caused my sister great pain. I apologized to her & she forgave me. I certainly didn't think that her forgiveness meant that what I did was OK. It just meant that she realized I was sorry I did what I did & forgave me for it so that we would be on good terms again.

You don't read about it very often, but once in awhile you can read of a person who lost someone dear to them to a murderer. And it may be many years later, but the survivor forgives the murderer. So ask yourself, is the forgiverer saying what was done was OK...obviously the answer is no.

Answer 6

hi all circumstances are different and its hard to give true advice without knowing what your really advising on, all I can say is that if it helps you heal to forgive the person than that's all that's important. Forget their feelings its got to be about you, if not forgiving them is filling you with confusion and hate it may be better to accept some level of forgiveness in order for you to move on and be happy within yourself again.

Answer 7

More often than not.... it happens on its own sooner or later.
Few people in this day and age will carry grudges with them to the grave. Betrayals and whatnot in life tend not to really be important enough to warrant a focused stream of hostility toward the proditor....

There is no right nor wrong about it.... basically. You will forgive eventually.... so you can free up RAM to use elsewhere in your life.

Answer 8

I recently went Through the very same thing it took me places in my mind that no one would want to go and yes, I'm a Christian and the Holy Spirit minister to me so gently, calmly, and sweet. I've not always been the best of people I've had to ask God to forgive me and he did and not only did he do that he through it in the sea of forgetfulness to remember it no more and how can I not afford the same one that hurt me and others that I love the same opportunity. If they ask God to forgive them he's faithful and just to do it and he's thrown it in the sea of forgetfulness never to remember it no more. He's wondering why I'm walking in anger because vengeance belongs to him not me He sees it all I only see a small portion. It's all I can do to keep myself straight and walking righteously in this world and how can I judge his work surely he knows everything that happens under the Sun and he can and has handled it. So I encourage you to forgive whoever did wrong to you and keep looking up to the hill where all of our help comes from who is the Lord. Amen

Answer 9

I believe that you should forgive always. It is for your healing process. I know, I learned the hard way by carrying unforgiveness fat too long. It's not easy to forgive sometimes but you must. As for forgetting, once you have truly forgiven someone the offense that they committed doesn't seem to carry the same weight anymore.

Answer 10

Yes, forgiving people is hard but it's part of being a good person. Without forgiveness in your life your enemies will multiply by the minute and many friends lost. In short, how can you live peacefully without forgiveness? The bad effect is your conscience will be affected...loss of sleep and concentration...soon you'll find yourself in a fight. Anyways, no one's perfect...

For now that's the question I'm leaving to you now...Think deeper about it...:D

~...BJK...~