How can I improve this speech to be elected as leader?

Question

Dear comrades,

Animal farm is in crisis! It's time that we break our chains. It has come to my attention that our so call pig leaders have mistreated us for too long. They have broken several commandments, and it is time we put them on trial. They are living in houses, sleeping in beds, wearing clothes, engaging in trade with humans, and using money. Do you want to continue with these pig leaders who close the doors to the freedom we deserve? If I am elected as leader, you will be guided under my wings of freedom and bells of liberty. "No animal in England is free. The life of an animal is misery and slavery: this is the plain truth" (28). No, my fellow comrades, ring the bell of freedom.

Animal farm is in crisis because we are allowing pigs to have control over us with their abusive power. As your leader, I will bring good living conditions to all of us. I will not lie or make any false promises by saying equality will be accomplished. What I can promise is that as leader of Animal Farm, I will lead by obeying. I will not have us continuing to livei n misery. My fellow animals it is time to break our chains! Are you with me? Stand with freedom! Our pig leaders are acting like humans. Should we take orders from humans? No! "Reomve man from the secene and the rest cause of hunger and overwork is abolished."

Answer 1

Rule #1) KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. You must either be a passionate member of the crowd who has charisma, and the ability to represent your fellow man...or...you must know how they think and what will RESONATE with them. If they want to live a better life, the essence of this speech will be offensive.

Rule #2) KNOW YOUR COMPETITION. It's not easy to lead if others crave that role as well. Even if your appeal comes from the fact that you rose up from the masses, you must always be aware of any challengers...and you must always LISTEN to what they say and make your message RESONATE at least a little more.

Rule #3) KNOW HISTORY. The basic appeal of this speech is obsolete. This is because it has failed wherever it was tried around the world. The only way to make this speech more effective is to lie. Is to twist the use of words around so convolutedly that your audience thinks you're saying the opposite of what you really mean. Good Luck!