I hear so many stories of people that are in a relationship and fall in love with someone else. How could I have prevented this? And the most terrible thing is that it is mutual! This guy got caught having sexual dreams about me by his girlfriend. Mentioned my name in his sleep. Both of us are staying with our partners but I feel miserable thinking of someone else all the time. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before and how did it turn out? I want to stay with my husband and hope that I fall out of love with this guy eventually.
Please dont give me responses like I am so evil and bad. There is honestly nothing you can do about love hitting you right in the face. It could happen to anyone at any time. Anyone that can tell me about their similar situations and their endings would be appreciated.
2007-12-11 17:16:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yeah, this neighbor and I hit it off like we were meant to be together. my wife got pissed, her hub gives me the stink-eye all the time. we have realized our spoused should be together and the two of us would have a better marraige than our current marraiges. with 5 kids between us, it would be really messed up.
it is all fantasy for a while, like when you first fall in love. then when you start thinking about it, it's like your real marraige, it starts to suck and you deal with it.
I just started to think how I would really screw up my life, my wife's, my kids and that overshadowed the silly thoughts of this neighbor. start looking for the things that attracted you to you husband. and look hard for things that suck about fantasy man.
2007-12-11 17:26:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Misssexy,
Most animals are not monogamous. A marriage contract like any other legal contract is designed so that each party gains something without detriment to the other. There are it seems, too many pressures from friends, family, age and drive to make love, that marriages can be rushed into. Nowadays, living with a partner and sharing responsibilities "so long as love lasts" is an open marriage.
I see life as a preparation for my next life. I have never intentionally harmed any living being. However, it is easy to cause unhappiness to yourself and others. I've heard of couples getting married say "Well there is always divorce" which is rather shallow but can cause immense pain if there are children involved in the decision.
If I were able to live my life over again, I would not marry, have children or work myself to death (almost) to support the family
Open communications, with or without a disinterested third party, doctor etc. may save and open up your marriage or help identify why your heart is following its animal instincts.
Have the four of you ever considered trying a polyamourous (pansexual) relationship. That lifestyle is fun and extremely nurturing and helps demonstrate the love that humans can have to one another..
I wish you a most happy life especially FOR YOU. Living (sacrifying) for others will become too heavy a burden . You are uniquely you and you are OK.
I hope this helps. Hugs, jenni.
2007-12-11 18:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by jenni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, just remember, it may not be as wonderful as your fantasies about it are. That's why they are fantasies - they are all blown way out of proportion! In your mind, everything is perfect. And if you act on these feelings, you will likely find that you end up hurting 4 people in the end. The exes will be extremely hurt & angry. And then when all the thrill & excitement has worn off in a few months & all the irritating habits & annoyances come out into the open, you'll be like "Uuuggghh, what did I get myself into!?"
You're falling for this guy because he's new & exciting & a mystery. I bet you felt the same way about your husband when you first met him, didn't you?? Then things got comfortable & you found out the truth about what he's really like when you see him 24-7. It's not going to be any different with the other guy. You're attracted to him because it's something forbidden and challenging and secretive. It's like a little kid sneaking around trying to find his hidden birthday or Xmas presents - he knows he's going to get his **** beat to hell if he's found out - but the thrill of the unknown drives him on.
I bet you would not be happy to find out your husband & his friend's girl friend were cheating on you behind your back. So, think about that for a little while. I will not say you're bad or evil - it's true, you cannot help developing feelings for people. But you can help your actions!! So, unless you want to ruin the lives of everyone involved, do not act on this fleeting impulse.
If you seriously cannot live without this other guy, then I suggest you divorce your husband FIRST. Then after you've gone through that miserable fiasco, and only then, should you even proceed with following your "heart" to be with this other guy.
I was in love with another man when i got married. I lived & breathed this other man for SEVEN years of my life. There was never a moment when he was out of my heart or my mind. And it (among other things) ruined my marriage. Of course once I was available, I tried to move forward with this other guy I thought I was in love with. Funny thing is, I realized I couldn't stand him. There mere thought of him & I actually being together made me nauseated. So bizarre. After 7 years of fantasizing about how perfect he & I were going to be together & how he was the one I was meant to be with - I got a huge reality check. I was deluding myself with asinine fantasies about something he would never & could never be. There was something missing in my marriage & I thought this other man had everything I could ever hope for. Gawd was I wrong!! But, it all worked out for me in the end. I met someone else who really was the perfect man for me. So, I'm glad I ruined my marriage. If you're not utterly happy with whom you are with, you shouldn't be with them.
2007-12-11 17:40:25 · answer #3 · answered by Rue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its love. I think its lust. You may disagree with me but I really don't think you know the guy as well as your husband. certainly not enough to know if its true love. I suggest you commit to your husband and avoid his friend as much as possible. you may have some issues that need to be worked out. maybe your having some problems with your husband so you became vulnerable and ended up liking another guy. or you could be the type of person that loves what they can' t have and when you finally have it you don't want it anymore. either way you should work on that marriage of yours. go to counseling if you have to. marriage is a promise to spend the rest of your life with someone so try as hard as you can to keep it together.
2007-12-11 17:21:03 · answer #4 · answered by Sleepyguy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not evil or bad...you can't help the way you feel. You said you wanted to stay with your husband...if that's true, I would imagine you're going to have to try and put his friend out of your mind. In time, you'll think of him less and less...but only if you stay away...you can't forget about something that's always there. Does your husband know? Do you guys have kids?
2007-12-11 17:27:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are committed to your husband and your marriage, then you will put as much distance as you can between you and his friend. You have been strong to this point. But there will only be so much you can take if you continue to tempt yourself with this other guy. And there may come a day when you look back on this critical moment and wish you had been stronger. Good luck!
2007-12-11 17:25:18 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really feel sorry for you and think that you have a committment problem....And of course this type of thing happens all the time!! Why do you think we, in America, have the highest divorce rate in the world!!! Ugh, why is it that the women who already have a good man think they deserve to have another!! Start thinking about the good things your man already does for you, besides if your husband's friend is doing this about you, then he will do it again about someone else - dah!
2007-12-11 17:24:17 · answer #7 · answered by luvwaterandmtdew 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your not evil or bad for feeling this way I'd just say that your thoughts aren't directed in the right direction. Obviously your conscience is convicting you. Listen to it. This type of thing destroys lives and creates life-long emotional damage. Especially if there are children involved. Deep down I think you know what to do.
2007-12-11 17:20:57 · answer #8 · answered by stpolycarp77 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It happend to me and I acted on it. the emotions you feel are very real. I left my wife and went for it feeling this was ment to be... happens for a reason... its the time for me... well... she left her husband and kids. I left my wife. we are together and in love but... at a cost that you would not believe... kids...ex's... friends... families... yeah we love eachother. and that love came a a high cost. you feel guilt everyday.
do you really want this? i feel sorry knowing this woman im with paid the price for me. Guilty for her kids. my love that id do anything for... i wish i could give her back what she lost.
2007-12-11 17:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by rufstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u play with fire you and many others will get burned, but I would say you settled for someone lame, I would investigate and speak with all ur husbands' friends old gfs and you will have a better insight if you decide to recover inside the burn unit
2007-12-11 17:23:48 · answer #10 · answered by Hazel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋