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Don't laugh, but I met a guy on a singles website who I would really like to meet. I live on the West coast, he lives on the East coast - how much farther apart could we be? We've both gone through a divorce where our spouse has cheated and we both have kids and just want to be happy again. I've "known" him for a couple of months now and we talk on the phone and text constantly. He is indeed who he says he is, so no worries there... I feel like I'm falling for him though and I wonder, could this really work, especially since his kids are there and mine are here and we both have close family ties? He says it will work itself out, but I don't want to emotionally invest in something that's doomed. Anyone out there have success with a situation similar to mine?

2007-12-11 17:11:06 · 18 answers · asked by Brooke L 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

18 answers

Heck yeah it could work.

If fact, I know it will work.

But it is likely to work out in a way you will not be happy with. Be careful. This is likely a scam.

Good luck.

2007-12-11 17:14:31 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0 1

It could work. IF conditions are right. You say you and he both have close family ties and are probably approx. 3000 miles away from each other. In this society, it is pretty much accepted that children will grow into adults (which I assume both you and he are), at which point, they often (physically, not necessarily having to cut emotional ties) do leave the place they grew up with their families to start their own lives/families/marriages in a different part of the country - even a different country in some instances - for a multitude of different reasons. And when adults with young children in school relocate, while the children often balk at first, none the less, children are often taken from their schools they are used to and placed in a new school in the district of where the parent(s) have relocated to. This is not unusual, or cruel. It is just a fact of life for many people.

My only concern, and you say it is not a concern at all, is whether this man is REALLY who he says he is. I'm not saying he's not, of course, how could I know. But then again, how could you know? I have heard countless heartbreaking strories of people who have met online, spoken on the phone, exchanged photos, snail leltters, everything so believeable. And sometimes, both people truly are who they say and that's great! But the Internet DOES have a certain amount of fantasy for so many. Because of the anoniminity, it is just SOOooooooo easy for someone to be (for any number of reasons) so very convincing that they are who they say, and if there are emotions involved, it's all the more easy for even the smartest, most cautious person to unwittingly get caught up in someone elses fantasy/trap/scam. So called personal photos can be of ANYONE, so can phone numbers be changed, cell numbers especially (you say you text a lot) can be from just about anywhere, not necessarily where the person says they are.

I don't mean to be a downer, and like I say, I hope my fears are totally wrong. I just have seen too many hearts broken by people that have been so convinced that someone they met online is someone they just aren't.

Yes, your sitiuation could easily work, as far as the concerns you wrote of. Just please, be very, very sure that you truly do know who you've been texting and talking to online. Take a few days vacation and meet him in person somewhere, get to know him in person, meet his kids, his family... before you make the big move. It's easy to fall in love in two months or less. But in the big picture, two months really isn't very long to be as certain as you say you are.

Protect yourself physically AND emotionally before getting yourself too much further involved. If he is who he says he is, he should have no problem with a couple of meetings to get to know each other in person. He then would probably have the same concerns himself and want to check out your story as well. If neither of you are hiding anything, a prior meeting should not be a problem for either of you. Especially, you have kids, you need to know that they are going to be living in a safe envoronment.

Just my two cents

2007-12-12 01:39:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Although this could theoretically work, chances are, it will not. Look, both you and he are entering a new marriage with baggage. I am not referring to the kids - what I mean to say is the previous marriages. This alone will wear both of you down. Give this situation more time. Alot more time. And whether or not anyone else has had success in a similar situation has absolutely no bearing on whether or not this guy is right for you. Go talk with your church Pastor - lay it on the line and ask him what he thinks. If you are reluctant to ask your Pastor for fear of what the answer may be...well...then you already know the answer right from your own conscience. Take my advice, give this some time!

2007-12-12 01:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by Radar4925 2 · 0 0

He's right when he says it'll work itself out. Just give it time and don't be in a real hurry.

Perhaps, when you two feel it's the right time you could meet somewhere in between and just hang out for a while. If your on the West Coast and he's on the East Coast you could meet in Kansas or Nebraska. That way no one person has to pay for all the airfare.

2007-12-12 01:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by stpolycarp77 6 · 1 0

I met a man on a singles websit about 10 years ago, and went cross country to meet him. I was frightened to get married again, and let him go even though I really felt that he was the one for me. He married someone else, and I am still single. GO FOR IT

2007-12-12 01:16:26 · answer #5 · answered by zzsand 2 · 1 0

yes it could work. emotionally risky but this sort of thing happens all the time. people living in different COUNTRIES get married regularly. don't give up your job and friends and move across the continent until you meet him a few times though....or better yet why not just meet someone closer?

2007-12-12 01:15:08 · answer #6 · answered by curiousmorey 2 · 0 0

texting on the internet is not a good way to get to know someone, and it takes a good year or more to start knowing what a person is REALLY like.

i can't see how that can be done between two adults who have kids and who are close with family, each living on opposing sides of the country.

take care...

2007-12-12 01:15:46 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0 1

just make sure you use extreme caution if you do decide to travel over..maybe you could even bring a girlfriend and make it seem like your going to visit him & that area. i would highly NOT suggest you be alone with him at any time! but it deffintley could work out, thats what those sites are for right. i just hope hes telling you the truth when it comes to his reasonings for his divorce. but i hope everything works out fine!!!

2007-12-12 01:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by Bird Girl 2 · 2 0

never been in that situation so cant tell you if it could or couldnt work out


maybe you should have HIM come visit YOU and see if there is passionate fellings in person and that first kiss : )


dont go meet him thats to far and you still dont know who he really is

2007-12-12 01:22:31 · answer #9 · answered by girl19 1 · 1 0

If you and him want things to work out bad enough, you both will find a way to make that happen.

2007-12-12 01:16:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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