I just married my husband 2 months ago and I am 4 1/2 months pregnant. We have been together for 5 years and in the 1st or 2nd year i had a restraining order against him because he was getting abusive. After he had gotten himself together (i thought) i attempted to drop the order but couldnt because he hadnt attended the court ordered anger management classes so as far as i know it still stands. Suddenly, now that we have gotten married, got our first place and are expecting a baby he has gotten abusive again but i dont pictures, etc... my question is, if i leave him now, he is threatening to take custody of the baby. is there anything i can do to prevent that being that the baby isnt born yet? do i have to put him on the birth certificate, etc?
2007-12-11 16:24:42 · 7 answers · asked by Alicia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since you are married he will be the legal father (double check your state law on this) and should go on the birth certificate. If you fail to put him on he can go to court and prove he's your husband and get himself added, or if your state law requires a paternity test he can get a court order for one.
For custody you should go talk to an attorney now. Many offer free consultation. That way you will be familiar with your rights and the process to get custody in your state. Neither of you should be taking the baby from the other, what the court will expect is that you will come up with a parenting schedule so you can each have time with, care for and bond with the baby.
If he wants to get primary custody (majority of the parenting time) of a newborn baby he'd probably have to prove you are unfit (a drug addict, abusive, a danger to yourself and others). If he can't prove that (prove it not just say it) then you should be okay but you will look much more favorably in the eye's of the judge if you offer a parenting plan that includes him and gives him decent amount of time. Some states have guidelines for custody schedules for a newborn, generally the ideal is he gets a few hours every day or every other day with the baby.
Neither of you can file for custody until the baby is born, but you should be talking to an attorney and have all the paperwork ready so you can file first, as soon as the baby is born.
2007-12-11 16:32:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um..first off, if he is abusive to you, you can get a restraining order against him for the baby too, I'm sure, and all you have to go is go to court and tell them how he was abusing you and all this and that, and I'm sure they won't let him near your baby. I would divorce him if I was you, and do not put him on your babies birth certificate either. I don't think you have to put him on there. I'm sure you can do something about that as well, but whatever you do, do not let him near that baby, because he will hurt that too, if he doesn't kill it before it's born, being abusive to you, can also kill the baby as well.
2007-12-11 16:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a restraining order against him now so they have documentation that he has an anger management problem.
It comes down to control and while he thinks he can control you he will be abusive. He cant do anything to you now as you are in control of that child so get out of there before he does something to harm you and the baby.
2007-12-11 16:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by arnie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can put any name on the birth certificate but he can still take you to court for dna tests to prove he is the father if he wanted to and i am assuming the baby is his he more then likely would never get custody because of his history of abuse to you but he does have the right to visitation of his child.
2007-12-11 16:32:04 · answer #4 · answered by Rainy Day Lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until that child joins us in this world, you make all the decisions.
Right now you need to get out of there, and document everything. Cal the cops every time he gets abusive. This will all work into your favor.
Then for the sake of your child, you need serious therapy so you can become a healthy person who has healthy relationships with men.
I know it will be a tough, up hill climb. But you can do it. You are worth it and your child needs you to be making good decisions in you life from now on.
I will pray for you and your child.
2007-12-11 16:30:37 · answer #5 · answered by box of rain 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do not put him on the certificate. keep a record and u have to have proof of what he is doing especially him know u are carrying. u have to start building ur case against him.so if he take u to court u have a good reason he cant have the baby. call the police if he does anything else --good luck!!
2007-12-11 16:35:21 · answer #6 · answered by apple m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would consult an attorney. Leave him now and apply for divorce before he hurts you more. File for custody now, do not wait. Whoever files first usually wins initial custody. Leave the looser. He will NEVER change.
2007-12-11 16:32:26 · answer #7 · answered by David D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋