I'm doing my best to get along with my husband we are seperated. We have a two yr old together who he asks to see ect. My daughter from a previous marriage he knew since she was three she is now 7 he doesn't want to see her for visitations because thats not his biological child and we are probably getting a divorce. He doesn't even ask about her. He went away to the military in july where he forgot me and his kids were alive in basic training and ait never called wrote letters that were cold. Causing this whole problem now that he is home we have meet a few times in twon he asks about our daughter but never mentioned mine i said would you get her a x-mas gift he says would your first husband buy my daughter a present i said my first husband did raise your daughter This really disturbs me since they were close how can he forget her so easy. What would a judge say i don't even know if i should bring it up as it really isn't his obligation to see her.i don't know i hurt for my daughter
2007-12-11 15:58:58 · 28 answers · asked by poo~poo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is 35 me 30. he is the only dad my 7 yr old has known because her real dad went away when she was 5 he just stop seeing her and moved never called ect. She acts like she doesn't miss her stepdad but i know deep down this all has to really hurt her.
2007-12-11 16:00:51 · update #1
he is hispanic and my daughter from the previous marriage is white because my first husband is white. I don't know if this is a cultural thing or all stepdads forget their stepkids when they divorce there mothers.
2007-12-11 16:02:05 · update #2
Legally, he has no obligation to your daughter. He doesn't have to visit her or take her for visitation.
Morally, he accepted her as his daughter and allowed her to call him daddy - what he is doing to her is really sad - but you can't do anything about it.
It sounds like maybe you were at "fault" for the divorce (in his eyes) and he is using this to get back at you and hurt you. Of course, I could see why you would want to leave this jerk!
From now on, stop trying to force him to have a relationship with your daughter who is 7. Get your 7 year old into therapy and find yourself another daddy figure for her :)
2007-12-11 16:30:32 · answer #1 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is sad and i feel sorry for your daughter. I understand because i was in a similar situation with my kid. My ex remarried and had another baby when my daughter was only 4 or 5.. Of course, while the baby was still a baby it wasn't a problem. When she got a little older she had a hard time understanding why Sara got to go with me all the time but she couldn't. My ex and i talked about it and we agreed to let my kids sister come some of the times with us. I didn't mind and she was good company for my kid too. When she got a little older then she understood why Sara came all the time and she didn't get to. My kid is now 19 and her little sister is 14 and we are still good friends. After all her dad was my daughters stepdad for alot of years. I know your case is different. Your ex sounds like a real ***. It's going to be his loss in the long run. There's no greater than the love from a child. About all you can do is try to explain to your daughter that he was her stepdad and her sisters biological dad. And hope she can understand. Make sure she knows that you and her sister love her no matter what. Maybe in time he'll wake up and see what an *** he's been and make some changes. Good luck to you. You are right to feel the way you do.
2007-12-12 00:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a jerk and your better off not staying married. Apparently he only seemed close to your daughter if he could walk away so easily. I'd be very restricitve on how he sees his actual daughter if he forgot about her so easy during basic and AIT what is to stop him from treating her the same way. You have to think about protecting your kids and their emotions and health. This guy doesn't deserve your love or your kids love. There isn't much a judge can do about your daughter if he never adopted her! You can try and point this out if you two ever go to court over his biological daughter it will help to give a character reference to what a piece of s*&t he is ... I am sorry you're going through this my best suggestion is to talk to a family lawyer and see what your rights are for both kids.
2007-12-12 00:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must be a rough blow for her as she most definitely feel it is her fault, that she isn't lovable etc. I hope you can get her some counseling- tough with kids so young.Do you have a brother, and uncle a dad yourself? She needs to be around other men who can show love-it doesn't have to be a dad. Poor dear.
He has no obligation, legally, but is obviously a jerk. He is using this to "get back" at you, pure meanness as he knows it will hurt you the most.
Get your finances in order, get good counseling from women's groups/or a lawyer and get free of him. If he can do this to your first daughter he can do it to his own kid too. I would ask for supervised visitation for the younger one as you can't trust what he may say which would be hurtful to her.
2007-12-12 00:09:15 · answer #4 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of comments about what an jerk this guy is, but you have to understand that he never loved your first daughter like he loves his own daughter. It's nature. When a male lion takes over a pride in the wild, it kills off all the other cubs so it's own offspring can survive. Get it? So while he may have been nice to her while you two were together, it was more of "as a friend" or as a favor to you and not because he felt she was his kid too. This isn't true with all step parents, but it is for most of them. I think you just need to accept this and not try to force someone to love your daughter who clearly doesn't.
2007-12-12 00:14:02 · answer #5 · answered by Loki's Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like you are a very attentive Mom since you are sensitive to your daughters feelings. You are not responsible for your soon to be ex and his behaviour.As far as your kids, children do far better than we give them credit for .Whatever happens, be honest and as brief as you can be depending on their ages..If you can avoid bringing up the topic, then maybe it is best to avoid.esp if you harbour any resentment towards this man. However,I think your children will love you all the more if you are just honest with them and tell them that you do not understand nor do you know why he has changed. Good luck to you.
2007-12-12 00:08:45 · answer #6 · answered by just me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can answer this because my parents were divorce and I believe it was the third or fourth world war for 40 years.
Children born from first, second, etc should not segregated. Children are gifts from God and our future. This is not about divorce that is between the parents, this is all about the children not feeling different and unwanted. Throwaway children.
Is your husband so heartless? Speak to him over coffee and if he is still a jerk. Get help.
2007-12-12 00:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay not to sound all Dr. Phil on you but coming from a broken home is better then living in one. If he is acting like that then why would you want him around your children? Don't you want positive influences? If she sees a man acting like that towards herself and you then she is going to think that is the way they act and when she gets older she is going to go looking for that. Your first priority...yourself. Take care of you and get you in a good place. Second those kids. Be their mom and quit worrying about who is going to be a dad. His loss. I am sure your kids are one in a million and if those guys want to give up on them then that is their loss. Military sucks and the only reason my husband and I are getting through this is because we 100% leave it to God to build our marriage up. He guides us and we have been unstoppable since we let him take the reigns. Girl get you a good church! Then a good church man! You are probably an awesome mom. Use that and forget what they are getting from them for Christmas. You be their gift. Be an awesome mom!
2007-12-12 00:12:27 · answer #8 · answered by Army wife and mommy of 4!! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
HAVING step-kids does not guarantee that you love them. Or even like them most of the time.
It's sad for your 7yo if she is being hurt, and it sounds like your ex is being selfish, but it's totally out of your hands. All you can do is try make her feel like everything will work out - without telling her what a jerk her step-dad is.
He doesn't have to spend time with her or buy her presents so stop expecting it.
2007-12-12 00:15:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes wrong and he is being very immature a judge cant help u in this situation since thats not his daughter.U just keep being the best mom you can be for your daughter so at least she will feel loved by someone and pray for this loser ask god to soften his heart.
2007-12-12 00:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by cocoa 4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋