I have had one before, but then stopped in hopes of regaining intimacy with my husband. Now he has told me in so many words that he just isn't into sex. Whether it be depression, sickness or whatever, it's up to him to get checked, which he won't. I have someone I can be with one the side, completely physical, no emotional attachment. So why not?
2007-12-11 15:48:15 · 68 answers · asked by secretsecret16 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very tough situation, and I will not judge you because although cheating is wrong, and the fact that you're asking if you should have an affair is reasonable grounds to assume that you are questioning whether it is wrong or right. Life is not easy, and on top of that not having sex is very difficult, especially when it causes a set of problems-low self esteem, hormonal imbalance, stress and the list will go on for sexual frustration. I think cheating is a temporary relief however cheating will only make matters worse. It's almost like a quick fix just like drugs or alcohol, it will not solve the bigger problem which is the fact that your marriage is in danger. I would resolve to the following solutions, 1) communicating either with someone you trust, him, or even a religious figure/family member. 2) decide whether or not it is worth it to resolve this matter, maybe you can fight, but a fight not worth fighting for is useless. 3) ask if you love him, because if you do, then cheating and lying is going to damage your relationship, I'm no expert but I think deep down inside you have the answer...
2007-12-12 04:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if your ready to take that step then you need a divorce obviously . Maybe it's some kind of medical reason why his sex drive is so low. He should see a doctor. This can seriously led to some kind of physical/ medical problem. It's not up to him to get checked out you are partners, husband and wife. Through thick & thin doesn't mean anything to you? Because your husband is feeling this way doesn't mean you should go looking else where. What if test where done and you found out he was really sick? Will this make you feel bad for having an affair? You need to talk with your husband and try to make him see a doc. Not just give up and have an affair. Do you still love him? DO you want to make it work? A Marriage requires compassion. But you have to ask yourself one question... Do you love him enough to try to make it work to stand by his side while he sees a doc? If not then put on those shoes & RUN!!
2007-12-11 16:33:55 · answer #2 · answered by Monique 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, no, no, no and no. There is no such thing as a strictly physical affair. At some point someone is going to become emotionally vested in that relationship and then it gets really complicated.
You didn't really go into a lot of detail about your husband like is this a sudden thing? Or has the sexual part of your marriage been declining for awhile?
There is something at work here that isn't being talked about.
My advise to you is to speak to your husband and request that you both seek counseling, separately and together. Explain to him that you aren't ready for that part of your life to be over and that you want to restore the intimacy in your marriage. Approach all things in your marriage with great love and remember that an affair may feel good for the moment but will leave lasting scars on your marriage and I think on you as well. Regardless of the reasons, having an affair will leave you with tremendous guilt and remorse. And, the person you have the affair with will never fully trust you either should that relationship develop into something more permanent. Good luck!
2007-12-11 16:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by Lavetta B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've posted about this recently, havent you. Why are you measuring what SORT of affair it is? The man has not only cheated on you, but he's had a long term relationship with another woman... why are you still with him? The affair is 'different' because he loves her. Maybe you need to hear that in order to leave him. Men don't 'keep' other women in their lives unless they have feelings for them. You need to think about what you want for the rest of your life. To put up with this nonsense, or to live in peace, or if you're lucky, with a better man than him
2016-05-23 04:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't about being/not being a whore, tramp, adulterer, or whatever. this is about being a decent person and a good wife.
You and your husband need to talk with each other, and maybe with a marriage or sex counselor, to work through this. There are many ways you may be able to both meet your own needs - the best would be getting him interested in sex again, but barring that, maybe some other arrangement can be reached. But for the marriage to have any meaning, you and he need to be open and honest with each other. And if you can't find a solution you can both live with, then it's time to end the relationship and move on.
2007-12-11 15:55:58 · answer #5 · answered by edthespartan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you and your husband get help together. If your husband is depressed, having an affair is not going to help him get over his depression it will only make it worse.
I think that when you say I do you are in the marriage for better or for worse. Rather then having an affair, the two of you need to work out your problems together and seek counseling.
Infidelity is wrong on so many levels and will only make things worse.
And, if you're completely unsatisfied and refuse to seek help with your husband then you need to divorce him rather then stick with him while cheating on him because that will only hurt him worse.
2007-12-11 15:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and have ANOTHER AFFAIR, so how many affair will it take before your satified?? What about STD risks that you could pass onto your innocent husband.
Instead of thinking about an affair why dont you spice up your sex life, 1.Get dolled up and have funky music on when he gets home from work, pretend your going out. 2. Buy a strap on so you can use it on him later, just incase he cant get a hard on. 3. Pretend your somebody else and treat him like "His the *****" Spice up with imagination.......
It gets boring having sex same old same old........I thought the most interesting thing you said "He just isn't into sex" Is he really saying he loves sex but he just isn't into sex with you?
2007-12-11 16:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by Sam J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no contact (intimacy) between you two and you are contemplating an affair, then maybe your married to the wrong person. Did your vows include sickness and health, for better or worse? When you get married, you are suppose to become one together forever, not just when its good for one of you! Don't Cheat! Cheaters never win!
2007-12-11 16:03:55 · answer #8 · answered by ljh_da02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. That's called adultury - and that's a really, really bad thing. You married your husband - you made a vow that you would love and honor him and be with him and only him. I suggest that you gain some maturity, and try restoring your marriage - how would you feel if he cheated on you - you probably wouldn't want much to do with him eitehr! I can't blame the guy! Fix your marriage - you married him, you made the promise and the vow, no for crying out loud, honor that vow. Holy buckets - does marriage mean nothing to people any more?!?!?
2007-12-11 16:07:39 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Mrs. GM2*~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are other ways to for fill your needs without having an affair.Question DO YOU LOVE your husband?If your question is Yes think very carefully before going ahead .If your answer is NO it might be wise for you to think about moving on so that you can be happy in both areas of your life,but when its comes down to the finial answer, only you can make that big decision.
2007-12-11 15:57:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋