So, I just had my first baby 4 months ago. I've always been thin and didn't gain too much weight and lost most of it quickly, but my hubby never seemed attracted to me.
A few weeks ago, I got really busy with some things, and didn't even realize I hadn't eaten much for like a week, and lost a lot of weight. I'm now back to my pre-pregnancy size because of it. Around that same time my hubby seemed attracted to me again.
I assured myself it was all in my head, but he just told me, out of the blue, that he wasn't attracted to me before, and finally is again. Which made sense, it was very obvious by the way he acted around me. I feel bad because I was pretty much anorexic to get that way, and now I'm terrified to gain any weight because he won't be attracted to me. I know he'll always love and care for me, but it's important to me that my partner is attracted to me.
Ugh, I just feel frustrated, I feel like he's a jerk, but he really is a great husband.
2007-12-11 15:04:36 · 7 answers · asked by nic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was never overweight to begin with, exercised throughout my pregnancy and right after and still do. I also eat healthy.... when I remember to eat! I went from size 5/6 to 3/4.
2007-12-11 15:26:19 · update #1
Thanks, ksoileau, My husband really isn't a jerk. If he was I'd kick his sorry trash out. He is such a sweet and tender guy, very honest (as you can tell), and is all around amazing. I just feel bad about what he said.
2007-12-11 15:35:10 · update #2
Men are very visual creatures so it is understandable that his attraction to you changed. We all have preferences and there is nothing wrong with that; however, if you are happier with a little extra weight, that's fine, but if you want to lose/keep off the baby weight, do it for yourself, not your husband.
If he is only interested in you when you are a certain size, he is not a very good or respectable person. If he leaves because you are happy and healthy at a different weight then be glad to be rid of him.
Best of luck, and go eat a cheeseburger.....lol
2007-12-11 15:14:45 · answer #1 · answered by princess 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nic,
Congratulations on the new baby.
"I feel bad because I was pretty much anorexic to get that way, and now I'm terrified to gain any weight because he won't be attracted to me."
This is something you must discuss with your husband. It is an I message and it isn't condemning him, but it is pointing out an unreasoning fear for you.
Weight gain with pregnancy is so common. Some lose it quickly and for others it takes more time and effort. You are already small and most probably tend to be underweight.
You are still going through hormonal changes and you have added emotional and physical stressors on you. You have to find out from your husband that his love is unconditional.
Rejection for any reason is hurtful and can drive a husband and wife apart. If you both can understand each other better, there may be no further reason for you to fear something like weight gain. I wish you well. Take care of yourself and the baby.
C. :)!!
2007-12-12 06:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you could take his "turn off" as a result of prego wgt gain....but do u really think ur guy's that triflin & shallow?
Men go thru changes just as we go thru changes (emotional/psychological/sometimes even physical) during our pregnancies and after which too... It may have taken him a minute to simply adjust to his new role and responsibilities and, well, the timing was just "off" and it seemed to be due to you being "puffy"
Regardless, congrats on your new addition and don't assume that because your weight is an issue for you, that it's an issue for any one else. If you had been uncomfortable and/or unhappy about your preg wgt (during/after), you may have sent him signals that you weren't interested without even realizing it.
With a new kid, the very least thing on your mind should be your appearance and how he feels about it.......enjoy the baby cuz he/she is only going to be a baby for a moment and you're going to hate yourself if you fail to treasure these moments because of vanity and low self-esteem.
Remember, you are a MOM and whether your 1800 pounds or 108 pounds that kid's gonna love cuddling you no matter what. Enjoy....there's many women who'd sacrifice their waistline and narrow hips just to hold their lost child one more time or to even know the pains of childbirth (because their wombs are barren).
2007-12-11 15:29:23 · answer #3 · answered by 4everFaithful 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact is men, because of evolutionary biology, are visual creatures and yes your looks do still matter to him. It's not that hard though, no human is naturally over weight, or very few are rather. How many animals in the wild, living in their natural habitat do you see that are 100-200 or even 300-400 percent larger than they are supposed to be? No human is supposed to be x2 their normal weight for any reason whatsoever. It's the American restaurant industry and selfishness that keeps people fat. If you feel the need to eat more than your body needs to use in the day it's called glutany, and it's one of the seven deadly sins. Even still, if you do eat too much, you can just work out more to make up for it. I know at the gym I work out at the have up to two hours of free baby siting per day as part of the package. There really is no excuse, and also you know he likes it better, you know it's healthier, etc. Why wouldn't you want to stay in shape except for sheer laziness?
2007-12-11 15:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by Heart of Stone 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you love him, tell him it was spiteful of him not to find you attractive even when you gained weight. I feel so angry when men used their wives's weight as an excuse to be such an @ss. Men who REALLY loved their spouses look way beyond weight and appearance and those who do are just too egocentric and vain without even caring about their wives. If he had asked you to lose some weight for health reasons, that would have been forgivable. But appearances for the sake of being attracted? Gosh.
2007-12-11 18:12:43 · answer #5 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband is a jerk. A little weight from the baby is normal. Sometimes it takes more than four months to lose it also.
2007-12-11 15:17:46 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
"Your husband is a jerk."
Like you, men can't control what they find sexually attractive and unattractive.
A "jerk" would be someone who calls someone names for something he can't control.
2007-12-11 15:30:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋