She was talking on the phone and I didnt know. So I picked it up to make a phone call and heard her say that she had sex with this guy from her school. I already told her no dating until she was 16, so she knows I wont be happy.
What should I do?
2007-12-11 14:23:58 · 95 answers · asked by Polly. 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Wow, well ask her about it and If she doesn't come out with it on her own then you better tell her that you know. Ask why she did it, and make sure she knows never to do it again, or at least until she's an adult.
2007-12-11 14:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by Maia 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
"You won't be happy"? Wow, I would've ripped the phone outta that wall and hunted her butt down on the spot! What the heck are you thinking? This is a 13 year old, she had sex, she isn't "dating"!
Get a reality check here mom, become a parent ok, not one of her friends. Tell her you heard what she said and you are taking her to the OB/GYNS for a pelvic exam. Establish that she has not contracted any STD's. Have the doctor warn her about her foolish activity. Don't have any discussions about birth control.
You need to establish some guidelines here; what morals are, what self respect is, what you don't do, etc. Obviously, somewhere along the line, that has not been made clear. Then ground her little butt from now until she graduates high school. You think I'm kidding? Let her know it won't be birth control she gets, it'll be off to an all girls school if she gets out of line just once.
This is a BIG problem to say the least. Not just for STD's, pregnancy and emotional issues, but at 13 she should have the basics of some rights and wrongs when it comes to her body. She obviously does not.
2007-12-11 14:31:30 · answer #2 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and tell her you accidentally overheard her say what she did.Then ask her if it's true and get her started on birth control and having condoms with her.Make sure she knows that this doesn't mean you are giving her approval to go out and have sex....you're only doing it so if it does happen again she won't get pregnant.Stress to her the importance of waiting until she's older.My friend's daughter has been informed of all this since she was 11 and she never had sex til she turned 14.Well guess what happened? You got it...she's now the 14 yr old mom to a 6 week old baby...Her and her boyfriend were using condoms but something still went wrong as they are so much more fertile at that age.
2007-12-11 14:30:35 · answer #3 · answered by Janell T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to do is calm down. If you come at her like a "mom" then she'll just keep hiding stuff from you. Kids are having sex and being sexual active so early these days, its hard to believe. Tell her honestly that you overheard her say she had sex with someone and that you'd like to talk to her about it...that you don't want her to do it but now that she has, how does she feel about it? Why did she do it? Was a condom used?
Explain that you're her partner in growing up, not someone to keep secrets from. Even at 13 she's going to make her own decisions but you want her to come to you regardless of whether its a decision you wouldn't make. Tell her if she's not ready to have a baby, she shouldn't be having sex as condoms break and you don't know this until after the fact. A trip to the gyno and/or Planned Parenthood is in order.
2007-12-11 14:31:34 · answer #4 · answered by Moon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here is a perfect example of the more you try to prevent something, the harder they will work to do it behind your back.
The first thing you should do is talk to her. Let her know what you know and how it happened. Explain that you were not spying on her. The next thing you should do is take her to her dr or planned parenthood and make sure she is not pregnant. You should also consider putting her on some type of birth control.
Explain the purpose for this is not that you are giving her permission to have sex...however if she makes the choice to have sex she will be protected against pregnancy. Explain that she will still have to use condoms to prevent std's.
Good luck with this
2007-12-11 21:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by smokeyjoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything until you calm down. Have your cry and be done with it before you talk with her. Don't take her actions personally. Try not to be emotional when you talk with her.
You know that she is sexually active, which as bad as this sounds, is a good thing. You know what you're facing so you can do it head on. You need to educate her about how she can get pregnant, how AIDS is transmitted, how STDs are transmitted. Try to make her understand that those things don't just happen to older people, they can and often do happen to people as young or even younger than she is.
Try to convince her that even though she has made this big step, it doesn't mean that she has to do it again for a long, long, long time. However, you know your daughter. You know whether she will rebel if you put your foot down. For me, the hardest thing my parents ever did was to tell me that I had disappointed them with my actions. I'm in my 40s now and it still works.
Good luck. I'm not a parent. We weren't able to have children. Probably a good thing because I have no idea how to handle this situation.
2007-12-11 14:34:40 · answer #6 · answered by K. F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you absolutely sure that she had sex? She may have just been saying that because her friend might have had sex and she wanted to look "cool."
Well, you can't really do anything to stop her from having sex if she is. You'll try to stop her, but she'll find a way. Instead, teach her about the safety that she can practice while having sex. Teach her how to use a condom and that kind of thing. Maybe even talk to her about the bad things about having sex at such an early time in life.
I hope this help a bit.
2007-12-11 14:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by Revan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she may have had sex without dating the guy, so she may have thought that was a "loop-hole". The problem is that too many teens are doing this too often, and it stresses the parents. I suggest you sit down and talk to her, just ask her normal questions, and observe her responses. See if anything is troubling her; and bring it to attention that you know "so and so", (don't mention you know she had sex with him). Ask her about him, and get to know what she feels about him. As to what you should do, that's to your discretion, but I truly do suggest you let her know that having sex so early can be a very big problem, especially if she becomes pregnant. But make sure you lead into the fact that you know very slowly, and only at the right moment.
2007-12-11 14:29:48 · answer #8 · answered by Austin Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all she might be making it up to impress her friends, a lot of girls her age do.
Second you need to let her know that you heard her conversation (and without blowing your top) explain to her that you think she is far to young to handle the consequences of a sexual relationship, but because you cannot be with her 24/7 you need to be sure she understands the risks of pregnancy and STD's. Make an appointment to go with her to a health care professional to discuss these things. At least then if she is having sex she will have all the facts at her fingertips.
Good luck - I'd be heartbroken if I heard my daughter saying that!! I can't imagine what a shock it would have been, but take a deep breath and then be mummy again!!
2007-12-11 14:31:26 · answer #9 · answered by Dark Fairy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
13 year old having sex. Well, im sure she is a good girl. she just got cought up in trying to be an adult. talk to her.. as akword as it may seem. What she did is natural.. not really for a 13 year old. talk to her about safe sex, about respecting herself and her body. and tell her how much more nicer sex is with someone they love. find out who she was talking to.. alert the parents. Your daughter may have been joking or pretending to me more "grown up" then she actually is. SO definately talk to her.. then... take her to the doctors to get blood work done. she might be alittle upset.. or emotional about it. Dont make her feel bad about what she has done. dont do that "Im disapointed" thing, we hate that. Make her feel better. I told my mother i wasnt a virgin anymore 2 weeks after it happened. i was 16, she handled it VERY well.. but of course.. i was was 16.. almost seventeen. Im still very hurt by the guy who took my virginity. and my mom has been there for me every step of the way. and after everything is done.. isnt that what a mom is for?
2007-12-11 14:31:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you over heard her convasation and that you didn't mean to hear. Say that you are sorry and ask her if what you heard was true. If she says no then maybe she is just not ready to tell you. If she says yes make sure she knows that you don't approve of it and if it happens again (and you hope that it doesn't) that she uses protection and it maybe a good idea that she goes on birth control. Just make sure that even that is not safe sex. You may need to have the sex talk with her if you have not already.
2007-12-11 14:30:34 · answer #11 · answered by shadylane1992 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋