not a good marriage...kids are the best...i feel so lonly so sad.. feels like happiness has nothing to do with me..my husband never counts me in his life .i am here just to serve him when he feels like coming home..kids are getting bigger.they are going to go soon .do i have to die lonly and sad. what can i do. i wish i had a family.i don't want to be just a mom and that's what i have become. if i did not have my kids there is nothing for me to live.how can i change things around me with no family noone to love..no job ..no life..
2007-12-11 14:16:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counseling is a crock. They are only going to tell you what you, obviously, already know. You had an awful childhood. Your parents raised you wrong. Truth is, we all choose to be who we want to be. If you insist on waking up with tears in your eyes rather than a smile on your face, then that day will be full of disappointment because you are looking for the negative that comes from it. You should try the smile thing. Choose to find all of the positives everyday. Overlook the negative. Sure, life has it's pressures. We all deal with them. The sad part is, we all deal with them differently. I live by a motto: "It's not what life hands you that matters. In the end, it's how you handled it that will be judged."
2007-12-11 14:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can change what you are doing. You have a computer, go back to school on line. Pick a career. Get a degree and find a good job. Find out what you like to do. Stop being just a mom. Explore the world, there are a countless number of things to do. But you can't find out unless you explore. You have the Internet, the world is at your fingertips.
Happiness is a choice, not a gift from others. Count your blessings not your wants. Your children will grow up and move away. Then you will be free to do anything you can afford too.
Get out of the house and find new people. Go for a walk around your neighborhood, meet your neighbors. Join a good church that goes by the bible. They have lots of activities going on. Look into getting a hobby. Volunteer somewhere, like a hospital, an old folks home, a soup kitchen line as a server.
Stop being a victim and start being a survivor. Lots of people have abusive childhoods and go on to do many good things. You can too. Show your children you are not a quitter. Change your life for the better, you can do it. You just have to dare to risk.
I hope the best for you.
2007-12-11 22:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most importantly, I would say get some counseling to deal with your past. That's the best thing you could ever do. Perhaps you'll learn that your past has a lot to do with the relationship you have with your husband. I'm not saying that you're the reason and there's something wrong with you. However, your childhood past, plays a role in the type of "relationship" you've attracted with your husband. You grew up in a very unhealthy environment, so unconsciously you attracted a similar marriage. Your marriage may not be physically abusive but emotionally and mentally it is..
1. Deal with your past issues, confront them...
2. Enroll in some classes.
Learn to live and enjoy life without revolving everything around your kids.
I agree with George below 100% stop being the victim.. You're now an adult..
2007-12-11 22:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by Haley K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you feel lonely, the best thing to do is to help others. Volunteer at the church.. lot of friends there, or any charity.. soup kitchen, hospice.. etc. And also help yourself. Maybe go to a community college and check out a hobby course you could take starting January.. even if it's an art class. The kids being done growing up is a victory, it's an amazing time for you because a new adventure in your life is about to start. What do you want to do with it? What are your dreams? It's time for you to invest some time in yourself. Get your hair done, buy an outfit and go make a few friends for yourself.
2007-12-11 22:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first thing is you need to realize that you are not a victim anymore. Whatever happened in your childhood is not your fault and it only effects your life now if you let it. You sound pretty down, so you have depression issues, if so see a therapist.
The truth is you are 100% in charge of your life and your happiness. All your barriers to happiness are mirages. If you have a lousy marriage fix it or end it. If you want a career, figure out what you like to do and how to get one. While your kids may not need quite as much day to day parenting they will still need your love as they are becoming young adults and parents themselves --- no one ever grows out of needing that kind of love and those that get it are lucky.
You have been very selfless in your marriage and as a mother so now is the time for you to start giving back to yourself....you have eraned it and you deserve it.
Be strong, don't be afraid, and start making changes.
"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" Abraham Lincoln
2007-12-11 22:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to get a job it will make you feel alto better about your self, do something that You like....take a long bubble bath and just let it all out, i did and i cried forever and i found just a little piece of me begging to be happy. We can be happy if we just let all of the CRAP go ... be happy for yourself, your kids and husband it can work, bring back the young person in you that wants to be happy and make it happen...shes in there somewhere..... I did ... E-Mail me if you want to talk k
2007-12-11 22:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go out and volunteer in your community. You need to be around people. Maybe you helping people will make you feel better about yourself and that you're doing something worthwhile.
2007-12-11 22:24:27 · answer #7 · answered by rosezz50 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take things one at a time and improve them. Stop worrying about the problems in your life and be brave enough to worry about the solutions to those problems and get to work.
Good luck. I will pray for you.
2007-12-11 22:21:52 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your last words...." no job.... no life" well do something about it.
your kids do things when you tell them to but... since youre MUM you need to motivate yourself or do things that interest you.
join scrapbooking, kids clubs, find a new man, dance lessons...
what things did you always want to do and never did?
get a job and youre own car for one.
2007-12-11 22:33:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious counseling NOW. Call your local mental health board and get a referral.
2007-12-11 22:21:09 · answer #10 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋