I have been in a few fights with my wife that have lead to her either attacking me or destroying something of mine and i have had to stop her by force. I have thrown her down and pushed her back or away but she continually comes back at me with anger and kicks and punches. My intent is never to hurt her even when shes beating on me or destroying something of ours...but none the less due to my anger issues I have still laid my hands on her in these instances. She views the fights in a total different manner of me beating her up or abusing her or hitting her when i have never hit her. How do i stop this pattern and make her see what she is doing and why i have done this to her in defense.
2007-12-11 14:00:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She gets half a mind to call the cops and it doesn't matter what happened, who started or anything, YOU are out of the house and INTO jail. So many states have passed laws to protect those in domestic violence situations that someone is going to jail if the police are called.
What kind of man are you that you have to get violent, even in self defense? What's wrong with swallowing the pride and walking outside or down the block to the bar, or anything that gets you out of that situation now?
15 fights in 18 months, build a ring and buy gloves, charge admission and at least try to make a profit!!
2007-12-11 14:07:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best place to start is Councelling and you guys really need it if you want to save your marriage, you do not want to bring kids(if you don't have any that is) into a violent relationship untill you sort your and your wife's anger issues. Clearly you have anger problems also so I don't feel you can deal with it together by your selves without getting some help, you both need to see that hitting or destroying things which mind you, you both have worked hard to save and buy (if that being the case) and then just destroying it is not the way to go. You have to also figure out why your wife gets so mad is it something your doing to contribute to her anger, when next time she gets this way may I suggest you walk out of the house and not stay and fight back, cool off and come back and chances are she may have cooled off and you can start to mend your problems. But like I said I truely think you guys need therapy FAST. Good luck. Violence never solves anything.
2007-12-11 22:10:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems both of you are hot-tempered and very passionate. The first years are also the hardest but not impossible to pull through. You two love each other and just need to keep that in mind and remind one another....CALMLY.
Avoid instigating one another and avoid spitefulness. IT IS WRONG TO HIT ONE ANOTHER, regardless whoever struck first...but it is GOOD YOU KNOW it's not appropriate, healthy behavior, it's a start. If it ever leads to it again, stand your ground and NEVER HIT BACK, she's wrong for doing what she does but you need to help her realize her monstrous behaviour with calm words and telling her how her actions make you feel. Since this is the cycle, you need to concentrate on changes on your part FIRST, then HERS. Same goes for her. You can't change each other, only yourselves and meet in the middle.
So stay calm, keep your cool, remind her nicely of the person she married and of the future you two plan together and want. Don't give up on each other.
Lastly, try to get to the root of the disagreement before it gets the best of you both....you're still learning each other's quirks...work on NOT DOING things that makes the other snap (like tone of voice, yelling right away, spitefulness, crudeness, defensiveness, fighting when you're tired/stressed, reacting first before hearing you out, etc.) "Sorry" goes a long way but know what you're sorry for and don't over-use it. Change is not overnight, give each other some slack...a successful marriage takes lots of hard work.
2007-12-11 22:51:48 · answer #3 · answered by EXACTLY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to sit down and found out what you both want in the marriage. Things will only get worse over time if you both don't stop with all the fighting. Sounds like you should go to marriage counseling or else you will end up divorced.
2007-12-11 22:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a divorce, asap. Violence is the worst thing and in a marriage, there is never room for it. I think you both have issues that you need to resolve, anger wise and etc, before you get back together or date anyone else. Someone could get seriously hurt.
2007-12-11 22:05:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a mess she must make!
She definitely needs to learn how to have a disagreement like an adult. She's acting like a child and you are supporting her poor behavior. You both need to stop it now.
I suggest you both get some coaching on how to have a disagreement without it becoming some sort of professional wrestling match.
Good luck to you.
2007-12-11 22:06:19 · answer #6 · answered by krinkn 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Call the police and have her arrested for domestic violence. Don't hit her push her away. Tell her if she doesn't get help that you are leaving. She needs anger management .
2007-12-11 22:06:51 · answer #7 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER touch her......because when the cops do get called, you will be just as guilty as she is.
She's an abuser. Yes, women do it too. get OUT of the house ASAP and tell her if she doesn't get rid of it, you'll file for divorce.
I have a difficult time you didn't see this coming.....
2007-12-11 22:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave. Don't ask questions you know what the results are going to be your just denying it when you wind up in jail you will have wished you listened to me. Sorry.
2007-12-11 22:05:07 · answer #9 · answered by snrugglebau1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you wife has some unresolved issues... by the way is this a same sex union?
2007-12-11 22:44:15 · answer #10 · answered by libbyM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋