My husband won't have sex with me? Christian help please! I want someone who understands divorce is no option

Question

I am 22 and he is 26
Ok, I know I may be over reacting right now. We have sex maybe once every 2 weeks but its like "making a quota sex"
My husband and I were dating for 2 years married 7 months I was a virgin the WHOLE time. Now him on the other hand he has been having sex since the age of 14. He had just decided to become celebate a couple months before he met me which was great for me because I wanted to WAIT. Anyway. I don't know how any of you were when you started having sex. But I want that stuff ALL THE TIME! I am willing to do it any time, any where, any way he wants. I just want to give him pleasure. I get pleasure by his pleasure. I could go to bed with no close on and still that doesn't excite him. I have to coax him into the mood. He could care less if I wear lingere. I am in great shape by the way with abnormal breast sizes everything a man could ever want! It wasn't always this way even though we weren't having sex the temptation was always there. HELP!

By the way My husband is in no way shape or forn gay, I know that beyond the shadow of a doubt, secondly I know he is not seeing any one else, we both had that happen in our parents marriange and know the deep mental and emoitional scars that could lead to. His last girlfriend cheated on him with 6 different men in the same weak, so he does have a minor fear of me stepping out but he in no way holds that over my head, he is very trustworthy, he is a wonderful man, I love him to death, everything about him turns me on. EVERYTHING I wish so bad I pray to God for him to turn it off. I have talked many a time. He says he doesn't know why it is like this, he says sex to him isn't really sooooo important (it can't possibly be boring I would do ANYTHING he asks for) I dont think it is fair, and I get mad at him, then I feel bad because I got mad at him. I have no outlet, only to come on here anonymously any more thoughts?

Answer 1

How long have you been married? 7 months? You honestly need to talk to him about it, if you have not yet. I am in exactly the same boat as you. I am a christian. Waited my whole life for my husband. He did not wait. He was only with one other girl though. He regretted that mistake. We have been married 2 years now. I have struggled with the whole intimacy thing also. He could go months without doing anything. I, on the other hand want it all the time. At first i just tried to deal with it. That didn't work too well because I would just keep getting more and more bitter toward him. So i finally talked to him and he told me that it had nothing to do with me. it wasn't because i don't turn him on. It was because he doesn't want to just have sex to have sex. it means more to him than that. However, that still doesn't help me in my wanting it all the time. So l struggle with that a lot. My husband is also not very affectionate. I am always asking him to cuddle with me or to hold me. I hate having to ask him because i feel like he is a robot just doing what i want him to do. When I talked to him about that, he said that he tried to give me what i wanted but i just kept wanting more. No matter what he did i just kept wanting more. So my advice to you is to talk to him and try to be content with what your husband can give you. I will pray for you and your situation. God bless!

Answer 2

It sounds like that he may have a erection problem, and he should see a specialist about that. It's very possible he also may have low sex drive and is having stress in his life. Only way , you can do is to talk to him and let him know how you feel about the whole situation, and it's possible that he may not be aware of what you're feeling, so communication is the key here, and get some help. You need to take a step back, and find out what he really like, and use that to your advantage. Cook him a romantic dinner, give him a massage.. give him a oral sex.. there's so many possibilities out here, and I think you need to work hard on trying to communicate with him. Get a counselor. and start trying new things.

Answer 3

Generally I would not say this, because everyones' sex drive is different; but there are definitely some red flags waving here. But, I don't see any reason why this episode should end your marriage.

Often people don't feel like having sex. They are tired from work or from children, lack of privacy or time, sickness, anger,...there could be many reasons. On top of that different people have different sex drives and differing turn-ons.

Starting to have sex young doesn't 'use up' one's sex drive. At 26 he should be plenty eager for intercourse. At 96 maybe not...although I'd bet he'd still like to think about it a lot.

What you need here is more information about what is going on inside of his head (that's where the sex drive is) I suggest you have a frank, supportive talk with him about this if you have not already had one.

I have no doubt you two can work through this together.

Answer 4

There may be one main reason why your husband won't have sex with you.

He may be working in a stressful workplace, and may come home from work tired, out of energy, uptight, stressed and that can totally take away the feelings, desires, and mood from having sex. You may think that the problem is you, that he finds you unattractive, that he doesn't have these feelings towards you, etc but it may just be that from his hard day at work he has no energy and in turn no libido. Qutting his job and starting a new one may help, as it helped me, in regaining his libido, energy and drive.

What you can do is sit down with him, and talk about it, and find out reasons why he has a lack of desire. Work it out together, and start with putting sex into your weekly schedule. He may do this reluctantly at first, but eventually he will see that you need it and desire it, and it is his duty to please his wife. Soon he will start enjoying it again, and will want to do it more often.

Answer 5

Well , I can feel your feeling. It happened to one of my friend too. But their problem was , the husband used to be GAY . They married for almost 4 years, they only had sex for 2 times. I mean twice in four years. The husband also created 10001 problem when my friend was asking for sex.
Therefore, please have a nice and deep talk with him. What is his problem? Well, he might be close closet GAY , married just to cover his real identity.. well have a talk. If you cant see any future for both of you.. Seperation or Divorce are probably a best solution. YOU might meet some guy who love you whatever you are ..

GOOD LUCK dear

Answer 6

I am a Marine recruit who will probably become the next Pastor at my church so I think I can help. Haha.

Now... if there was nothing wrong with your chemistry (aka. attraction) he'd seriously be all over you. You are married. He is supposed to live and serve you and you reciprocate. But when he is (sorry for saying this) being a jerkarse, you are allowed to take the lead in something like this.

I do smell something fishy about this. AS long as you know for sure there is no secret affair because apparently you are attractive, make him a great dinner (not too much that will make him sleepy), interrupt his tv and just keep kissing him. Don't stop. He's going to think you want something short or w/e but touch him, carress him, kiss, blah. For a while. If he says stop, say alright, but keep going. If he pushes you away, push him on the couch or w/e. Unbutton his clothing or do whatever it takes to WAKE HIS **** UP!

Ephesians - Chapter 5:25-33 "25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26. to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27. and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-
30. for we are members of his body.
31. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
32. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself..."

You were pure. Now he has to constantly make himself and yourself one flesh or he's a c0ck.

Colossians - Chapter 3:19

"19. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

He is being harsh as hell. If all of what I said fails, talk to him very directly about it. BUT TRY WHAT I SAID.

Franklin

God Bless

Answer 7

There's something wrong with this picture...Talk to him to find out what's going on and what he's feeling. Is he working long hours and just tired?

It's possible that your husband could be having affair..with all you describe..it's impossible for him not to want you as much as you want him...Good luck & and talk to him!

I just read your additional comments...Regardless of what your and his parents did...doesn't mean you, your husband or anyone else wouldn't do..never know..With all honestly...you sound like some parents that say "oh no...my child would never do that!" Being a parent..I know that there're certain things my child will not do around me just because but once left on there own, when I'm not around...who knows! So please be careful when you say...without a shadow of a doubt..my husband isn't or will never.. We're all unpredictable... With that said, there's something still wrong with this picture. Remove the blinders!

Answer 8

Time plays a big part in sex and marriage. We didn't marry them just for sex. We married them for better or worse.
Is he on any medication, that can sure do it too. As a Christian the reasons to divorce are adultery and abuse.
I am not seeing either in this one. Sex doesn't make a marriage. Love and trust make the marriage and devotion, commitment to the one and other.======

Answer 9

Gee. did you see sex and the city and charlotte waited and then found out that trey was impotent thats why he was so keen to wait for sex until they married...D'oh...this is why it was such a good story for the show...its a married persons worst nightmare..
I actually believe in sex before marriage 100% partly 'cos of the importance of sex in a relationship and if you arent compatible then its an issue that comes up in a relationship...you cant know that incompatibility until you have sex...if you 'wait til your married' then you find out and you have a contract with your name on it as you do..
So, dear...what to do...?Some versions of the pill reduce sex drive?get a vibrator?wear sexy lacy things?- er...talk to him...he may have issues around sex...I hope hes not gay...is he depressed? do you intimidate him?
I dont know..good luck...your'e too young to be married for starters in my opinion plus..you dont have a sex life...this is indeed a big problem...I wish you luck sincerely.
Edit:
I'm getting the two thumbs down here but actually I am sympathetic to you. there is an issue with your husband about sex that and you may well have married someone with a low sex drive and you have discovered you have a high one..so yes I have sympathy..my advice still stands about the pill to reduce sex drive or sex toys for you even if you dont like my opinion.Good luck.

Answer 10

Get him to see his Dr. Several medical conditions can cause this, diabetes, high blood pressure, hormonal problems, to name a few. All of these can be treated. Other things to try... next time you shower, just wear your towel around the house for a while. My wife wears just a Tshirt that comes to mid butt. Drives me crazy. Maybe it will work on your husband.