Freaked out about pregnancy, don't want kids because of it, why would anyone?

Question

I'm at the age where everyone I know is starting to have babies (late 20's early 30's) and it's not something that I EVER think about other than how gross I would feel with a pregnant belly and how ugly I would look with stretch marks and baby fat! I just don't understand WHY anyone would want to go through that for a baby. Not only that but you don't have your own life for years after the kid comes.

Am I the only one who feels this way or are there other women out there who don't want kids for these reasons?

Just to add...I know I'm selfish as to how I don't want my body to change. Those are not the only reasons. I want a life, I want a career and I don't want my kids raised by day care people. I don't have a mother who can babysit while I'm at work and I just don't see how it's possible to accomplish a lot in life while having children. Anyone who is in a high power position and has children neglects them. That's not fair to the kid.

Sorry anyone who I KNOW (or work with - I"m not saying everyone in the world) who is in a high power position neglects they kids for work.

Answer 1

I know how you feel. I am pregnant now and my fear has been losing my life.

But I keep thinking of all the wonderful times I'm going to have :)

This is life.

Answer 2

I am sure there are other women who feel this way, but most don't. Most women want to bring at least one child in to the world. You will still have a life with one. Not at first, but it does get easier as they grow older. I think if you decide not to right now or in your childbearing years, you may regret it later on when you are unable to have any. Most of your friends, sisters or brothers (if you have any) co-workers will have children and I think you will feel that you are missing out. You won't able to relate to any of their stories or give them any advice. Yes, it is a lot of work and sacrifice, but it is worth it. These kids will be there for you when you are old and gray. If you are a good mother your kids will be there for you in the tough times when you are sick or down. Who is going to be visiting and calling you when you are 90 years old and in the nursing home? I think you will be lonely one day, but that is just what I think. Only you know how you feel and only you can choose your future. I hope you don't let the thoughts of a gross pregnant belly and stretch marks keep you from experiencing an awesome gift from God. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

You are not alone in thinking the way you do. I know plenty of women who just do not want to be mothers. I am a mother of two. I love my children, my husband thought I was sexiest during my pregnancies, and I thought so too! :) Every woman is different. What is good for one, may not be so for the other. If you do not have that maternal instinct you don't HAVE to have one. Some people are just born this way. Really there is no way to explain why some people have children. It is more than giving up your free time, or figure. Motherhood is the best experience in the world to me. I can remember being pregnant and waking up at night just to feel the baby curl up against me inside. ( I still let my oldest son who is 5 sleep next to me like that...I smile and remember:) I honestly do not remember what life was like without either of my two boys! :) My husband and I used to love to go on nature walks and once the boys were born we loved showing them the same things that interested us! Now we slow down even more to look at everything! I really don't want them to grow up. :)

This is MY feelings and the way I see it. You do not have to feel the same way I do. I don't see anything wrong with why you feel the way you do. Some women are just born mothers, some have to go through it to get the urge, some never have a mother's bone in their body. Some, unfortunately, have children thinking they will love it, then they abuse that child in the end. I think everyone has the right to make their own choice in regards to motherhood. You just rely on your instincts and stick to them. Who knows? In the end you may be a better Auntie to all your friend's children than a mother! :) Nothing wrong with that either! :)

Answer 4

I haven't had kids but have had weight issues so my body looks like I could have (lol). I don't want kids for many other reasons though. Just a few
-The world is full - we really don't need any more people to stuff up the environment
-I can't imagine ever feeling like I'd be able to have sex again. Mums and sex just don't go together in my head.
- I've seen those childbirth videos in school - out with the scissors and away they go - OH HELL NO.
-No more time to myself.
I'm around that age where everyone is having kids too, and I can't help but feel so different.

Answer 5

Actually, I think you are QUITE wrong about having your children raised by a day care. My husband is the SOLE bread winner for our family. He has a great position in the company he works for and I am quite content on being a stay-at-home-mom. I did have a carrer and I was enrolled in school. However, we chose to start a family and enjoy our children while we are younger. If you really think about it once your children hit the age of 5 they will be going off to kindergarden and you will have several hours to do as you please. I plan on finishing school and getting my dream job, Birth Center Nurse, and at that point my husband plans on opening his own business. I agree with you about your body not being your own afterward but I feel that it is completely worth it. I have never been a person to show of my body so really the only time my husband or myself see it is when I'm naked. If you feel this way then that is how you feel. It is your life, do with it what you will.

Answer 6

there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children.
But from a mother of 2 and pregnant, I want to tell you how I feel about the excess weight and the stretch marks, and the scar from my c-sections. These are my badge's of honor!! I put on 65 pounds with my first child, I went from a size 3 to a size huge!! most of the weight was water, I had toxemia, but there is some still there, then with my daughter I lost 15 pounds at first then gained 35. No big deal, My husband still says I am the most beautiful women he has ever seen and I feel beautiful so that is what matters! here I am 8 weeks pregnant and I already know I am going to gain more weight, oh well I can always lose it just like I have done in the past. As for stretch marks, no big deal they are hardly noticeable, mostly on my boobs, but who cares, no one sees them but my husband and me, and of course the doctor, like he counts!! As for my scar, the incision is so small, hardly noticeable and easily covered with the top of underwear. I love being a mother it is a true blessing and I would not give it up for anything in this world. the pounds fade, but the bond between mother and child lasts forever!!

Answer 7

No there are others that feel this way but what you have to realise is that as strongly as you know you don't want any others feel just as strongly about having them.

Stretch marks are seen as being a story book telling the story of the journey you and your baby have gone through together. Also some don't get stretch marks.

If you don't pig out on cake 24/7 then all that grows is your belly and that really does spring back within 2-3 months as long as you haven't eaten for 5.

Some also don't want to spend their lives working and getting rich because at the end what do you really have to show for it? a shiny coffin. By having children it's like making sure a part of you lives on.

Answer 8

There are plenty of women who are child-free, by choice. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting--or not wanting--to start a family. Some are happy with their lives as they are, others come from abusive backgrounds and are very sensitive about the issue. I've heard many women say they would never want to go through a pregnancy, so you're far from alone.

It may seem selfish to those who have chosen a different path. However, I think it would be far worse to have a child you *don't* want.

I would like to have children someday, but many of my friends are child-free; I stand by their decision not to have children as much as I stand by those who have decided otherwise.

Answer 9

i have always thought pregnant women where beautiful and amazing and know i am pregnant and get to experience how amazing it is to have a baby growing inside me i had a great life before i got pregnant married a great man traveled alot i dont work my husband does and his job requires lots of travel so i go with him and i dont plan on stopping when the baby is here i will take a break for a couple of months and then i will be back on the road with our baby i was a teacher so i plan on home schooling my child anyways and i can do that from anywhere we go having a child does change your life but it does not take your life away a good parent should be able to keep there life seperate

Answer 10

Thank goodness you recognize that you are not ready and hopefully you will take the necessary measures to prevent pregnancy!
Not everyone wants to have children but your reasoning tells me that you are simply not ready to make this type of commitment. It is normal to feel a little nervous about how your life and body will change but if it causing you anxiety or you are just repulsed by it , then it may never be for you and that's OK.
I loved kids but never saw myself as the "mother type" and now I am having my 2nd child and couldn't be happier.

Hang in there, don't listen to judgmental people but try and keep an open mind who knows what your future will bring.

Answer 11

I know how you feel. I felt this way for a long time and even now sometimes.

But the kids become the 'career' and you become passionate about them like you do when you love your job. Only its a lot more personal than your job.

Your life is what you make it whether you have kids or not. .