i wont admitt it,
buy everyone knows
they say move on.. but my heart tells me stay close
stay close to you, although you fade
you never do to me, b/c your all i ever see
and when i was with you .. i didnt love you as much as i do now
even though i now only hear your voice in the background
underneath my smile that i enhance to make you think i never miss you
at night i cry knowing ill never be with you.
even though you broke my heart,.. and still dont care
i lost the will to even share the love i have that wont disapear
and yes, it kills me to witness you dont love me
but i cant let go of something that was once everything to me
and as the days get cold and the looks get old
i wish i would just let go
soon i will this i know, as i let the memories fade dismissing your pressences' of broken hearted gold.
like the necklace of yours i still wear,
goodbye my love
ill just forget you when your near.
2007-12-11 13:12:33 · 12 answers · asked by sixxss 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
um no answer number 1 iam not emo.. wtf<3:)
2007-12-11 13:17:46 · update #1
it`s pretty good.
2007-12-11 13:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Geno Bisconti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might want to edit the length of the lines to create a better flow of words. You might also want to correct some spelling errors/grammar mistakes.
With my taste in poetry, this is a decent poem. I would try to stray away from cliche ideas however. Usually poetry has a meaning below the surface. Perhaps try to dig a little deeper. Or try using figurative language. That would help to bring more life into your future poems.
But whatever you do, keep writing! =)
2007-12-11 13:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by Band Aid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joker can write poetry! LOL. this does not look novice - evidently especially state-of-the-artwork. The imagery and the symbolism are signs and warning signs which you be responsive to what you're doing. i've got self assurance the form desires artwork, however the 'tough' high quality certainly suits it. Is there a call? greater please!
2016-10-01 09:49:52 · answer #3 · answered by karcz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use P&S mostly too, but ther is a section for poetry and you'll receve proper feed back there.
2007-12-11 13:15:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Despite grammatical errors, its pretty good.
Hone your talent, and keep writing!
2007-12-11 13:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Adorkable 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very lovely. Keep it up.
2007-12-12 00:16:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't really flow..
but it's still nice
2007-12-11 13:16:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ooooomg. that is great ! you are amazing. !
2007-12-11 13:20:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
r u emo?
2007-12-11 13:14:41 · answer #9 · answered by E 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
awsome!!
2007-12-11 13:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by hee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋