What do I do about my marriage?

Question

Ok, So I got married recently. Im in the military and my wife is also. We are stationed on different sides of the united states. Im in florida, shes stationed in California. The problem arises at the fact that shes not only pregnant but I wont see her but maybe twice in the next year. She can move to florida in June while the baby is dude in April, and im Tasked to get deployed in May. I love her to death but i don't think it will work out. I think at some point someones gonna be unfaithful. Im not saying i cant keep it in my pants but im a attractive guy who settled at 20 years of age. while she 24 had her share of partners and was ready to settle. Im happy I got married, shes the woman of my dreams but i don't think i can not see sher for almost 2 years without having any sex. Likewise she a ninfomanic her self I haven't seen her since Nov, and Wont see her till may of 2009. After my year deployment! I know if she stays away form home we might have a chance. Im just confused!

Well, Maybe i worded what i wanted to say inncorrectly. First of all I think she would cheat on me, it not something i want to do. I know her well. Also you cant just quit the military its not a normal job. Its more of a contract. Joint spouse is a privilage not a right in the military. The saying goes if they wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one. First of all. We talk everyday sometime 3 times. I think the 2 year separations gunna kill it. We didnt know we were gunna get split up before we got engaged. or before she got pregnant it kinda just happened.

Answer 1

I'm also in the miltary and having a relationship is def more of a challenge when you throw a deployment in the mix. my advice - when you are about to make the choice to sleep with someone else remember a few things-- all the lovely reasons why you married your wife, how much you will enjoy spending your lives together raising children (a lifetime vs a few moments of pleasure) what will you choose. whatever you choose remember you cant right the wrong and if you truly love ur wife it will eat you up And last put not lease pray about it :)

Answer 2

Ready for some reality from an old fart??

You sound to me like a spoiled 14 yr old kid!! The best thing that this lady could do for herself AND your unborn son is distance herself a million miles away from you-- you SETTLED at 20 yrs of age??

You have the maturity of a junior High school kid-- do the lady a favour and stop playing the victim.

If she truly WAS the woman of your dreams- you would be ABLE to wait for as long as it took. Both my folks were separated during the Second World War for SIX years and the question of fidelity NEVER came up.

Tell the lady EXACTLY how you feel and get a divorce. At least THAT way, she will be able to find a REAL man and not some poor excuse who "can't keep it in his pants"
She deserves better........ and BTW the word is spelled "nymphomaniac"

Answer 3

My advice is to just not ask each other too many questions. You either want to be married or you don't. If you do, then you will take it as written that each of you is honouring your vows and you will stick to that, even if it isn't true. You have to make the choice to work around the realistic human element over the romantic image. You both have hands and access to pornography, there is no reason to cheat unless you miss an emotional connection. If you maintain that, even at a distance, have phone sex, or video sex, or whatever it takes to keep your relationship going. At 24 she has no need to settle at all, so don't kid yourself over that, she married you because she loved you...not because she was old and used up!
Think outside the box, and inside your pants and move on.
Don;t look for an excuse to sleep around. You already are sounding like you decided to give up on things before they even had a chance. Don;t be confused, make a decision and stick with it. Consider the fact that there is a child involved now, and let's be a little less horny and selfish shall we? Oh, yeah, you are 20...sorry...let's forget giving up the horny part...LOL
good luck honey...don't give up on the show before the curtains go up!

Answer 4

I can see why u have a problem with not seeing ur wife but did u ever sit down with ur wife and thank about what it would do to the both of u if u did get married knowing that u are so far away from each other?????? U say that she is the woman of ur dreams well that is a sign right there if she is the woman of ur dreams then u can wait and love her and be there for her anyway that u can and the baby. Love can do anything and if she is the right one then hold on tight.

Answer 5

ok, you have got some deep problems. but i think you need to think about everything your going to be losing if you don't think it will work out, and what you will be gaining. If your problem is being unfaithful it is easily understood but you have a baby on the way and when that's the case your problems arnt as important anymore its all about him/her. When you get back after your year and your happy cause you were able to get laid throughout that time what do you to come back to. your marrige is gone and you have a child with no wife to share in its company with and it has to grow up with that. Maybe you should talk to her about this tell her how you feel and talk about maybe having some leeway while your stationed there if she is truly the woman of your dreams she might understand. the fact is you will be gone and she will be here and you have to live with that. Try not having sex in that time and when you come back for holidays it will make "it" all the more better! Just think about what your about to give up by doing this and is it worth it? Truth is sex or woman of your dreams i dont thik that is worth it. But hey im not you, do what you feel you got to do!! =D

Answer 6

You know, you committed yourself to marriage,
and you're having a baby,
in addition to being in the military.
It's a full plate.
But there is more to a relationship than just the sex.
Did the decision you both made have full resolve?
Only you know that.
The two of you must have felt you could survive this separation situation, or you wouldn't have gotten married recently.
It isn't about the problems, it's about working the problems.
It's hard, but it could be done if you both want to make it work.
There is a baby coming along who could use 2 parents.
Okay, some doubt and confusion is normal.
You wouldn't be human if that didn't creep in from time to time.
You both need to avail yourself of every resource you can.
You need to be able set up all the communications you can, especially while you are deployed.
There will be so many adjustments.
You will have a very self-sufficient wife and mother on your hands. She will have to be.
Your job is to remain faithful to her.
No one night away is worth her.
Believe that.
She needs to believe that no one night away is worth you.
Period.
On that foundation everything else rests.
This can be done if both of you want it to be done.
The end result will be worth it.
P.S. don't reenlist.

Answer 7

You got married for a reason. Don't give up. If you are worried about sex, try some new things. I have heard that phone sex can be fun in long distance relationships. It's not the same, but at least it is something. About your age, yes you may be younger and feel like you have given up more, but you both gave up the right to have other partners. So, be creative, on the phone and maybe through email. Whatever can get you to going. You have a baby on the way, and you need to give her as much support as you can being across the country. I hope everything works out. Don't leave without a fight!

Answer 8

This is a toughie. I'm assuming she wants to stay in the force? (And you do, too?) Have you asked for assignments at nearby bases?

Regarding being faithful, I'm questioning why you're so worried about what MIGHT happen. Yes, you're young, and yes, your wife is miles away. But you must have some sort of self-control, don't you? Self-pleasure will just have to do in the meantime. Give celibacy a go, it won't fall off if it doesn't see some action!

I can't imagine what you guys were thinking when you got married. Sounds like you didn't really figure out where you were going to be, how this relationship was going to work out before you got hitched.

Good luck.

Answer 9

YOu should have thought of that before you F'd her with out a condom. What were you thinking. Well atleast your thinking logically. there is no way in hell two young people can live apart for so long and remain completely faithful,, You need a deep emotional attachment in order to do that. You need to feel real shitty, and guilty if you even flirt with another person. and you cant do that if you dont have a deep connection. BUT you cant leave her now man. youve already done the deed. dont try to explain it to her logically either, cause she wont get it. just take it a day at a time and what ever happens happens, try your best not to cheat and break it off with her if you think you are no good for her.

Answer 10

um, why are you just thinking about this now??? She is pregnant. YOu love her so much that you are thinking how you may not beable to be faithful?? if you love her you'd be faithful, use your hand and do what you can to see her when you can and the baby. Are you seriously considering on walking out on your baby before it's born. You 2 are married and she pregnant, try what you can to get staitioned near eachother, and seriosly, if you are getting deployed, and thinking of your weenie, that is a scary thought for the men and women who depend on you for your roll in the military. You should have thought about all this before you got married and got her preg. Little to late dude. but go ahead and do her a favor, walk out now before you cheat, and get the child support all set up!!!