I am 22 years old. I got divorced from my first husband when i was 19(together for 2 years,married for 1) we have a 4 year old daughter together. as of now i have been with my present husband for 3 years/just married in march....we have 2 children together.....question being is my ex and I have recently reconciled and realized we would both much like to be together again..... ..my present husband has been a jerk(BIG TIME) until he started working offshore and being gone for 1 month and home for 12 days......so i really just dont know what to do.....i still have big feelings for my ex and my husbands actions arent convincing me to stay........please no hurtful answers....i just want some opinions on what you would do if you were in my shoes?
2007-12-11 11:46:00 · 12 answers · asked by heather w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
truthfully, i think you should back off from both. you seem to have a problem being by yourself. odds are, you've got feelings for your first husband simply b/c the current one is being an ***. 2 bad marriages and 3 kids by the age of 24 should be telling you something.
sorry- 22 yrs old. that's even worse.
2007-12-11 11:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, why on earth would you get pregnant at 17, married at 18, divorced at 19, remarried and reconciled by 22. Good lord, girl, you have three children. Have you thought about slowing down? This isn't a contest. Instead of making any life altering decisions that is not only going to affect you, but your children as well, time to get some professional help and decide what it is that you want and need in your life. Time to decide what direction you need to go to make a good, healthy home for those wonderful children you have. Forget the men. They're secondary and a dime a dozen. You now have three reasons to get your life on track. Go to a therapist and find out what is important to you, what you want in life and what kind of home you want for yourself and your children. Once you figure that out, then you can invite both your current husband and your ex into the sessions to see if either of them fit into that picture. However, don't put the cart before the horse. First priority is making a home for those children of yours. That means getting your life straight. Then finding out if that means there's room for any man in it. Get thee hence to a therapist. Good luck, you can do it.
2007-12-11 11:55:02 · answer #2 · answered by dstluke 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are truly in a rough situation. If you are being treated by your most recent husband, I'd leave.....BUT I don't think it's a good idea to just automatically go back to your ex (live with) -- you sound like you need to learn to live alone and love yourself and know in your heart that you can take care of yourself and your kids -- I wish I had done that. I have an exhusband and we divorced and I remarried also but we've been together for 25 years now. The problem is, people in their late teens and early 20s THINK they know what they want....BUT we change a LOT between the ages of 19 and 25......after that you're more sure of yourself and what YOU want and NEED in your life. Good luck -- kids involved makes it extremely hard.
2007-12-11 11:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's time for some counselling for yourself..and maybe your present husband.
Think hard about it..think about why you left your first husband..Was it his fault or yours? Did he change for the better? Did you? Lust or Infatuation does not equal love.
Maybe if you're not wanting to be married to your second husband anymore..you can separate from him..but not divorce. This may give you the time to look within yourself and see what you really want..I wouldn't go back to your first husband just yet.. You need sometime for the sake of your children to make sure that if you do..it's for the right reasons.
2007-12-11 11:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You my dear need to cool your jets.
You are not even 23 and have 3 children and two husbands.
Do you suppose for a moment that your EX will work out any better this time? I doubt it.
Work on your present marriage.
Leave the ex alone.
You say your current was a jerk until he found a job!
Well DUH....
Guys do not react well to not being able to support their families.
It sounds like he is doing the right thing and you have no clue what the right thing is.
Cool your hot pants and do right by your current family.
2007-12-11 11:52:30 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, don't have anymore children whatever you do...as this makes yours and their lives complicated and it's just not fair on them!
Secondly....you have to be very careful jumping from one relationship to another....why did you leave your 1st husband in the first place....so consider that very carefully before going back to him....
Thirdly....Maybe take time out from your marriage if it's bad...and really work out what is best for yourself and the children....don't rush into anything whatever you do....you have to think about your children and how this will affect them!
2007-12-11 11:56:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really dont think i can be on your shoes i wont really marry someone without thinking all the consequences, but what do i know right? i havent really married someone so i cant really answer that question perfectly but from what i see it,, i guess your suffering from your latest husband so you want to come back to your ex.. then go ahead,, the deal is to where you will find your hapiness.
2007-12-11 12:08:24 · answer #7 · answered by blackcatXIII_1112 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just dont get married and be with whomever you want.
I really don't know why ppl needs to be married anyway.. especially if they can't stay and respect its sanctity.
You're 22! You still need some growing up to do.
2007-12-11 11:51:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be with either. You left him he maybe a good person but he is in the past. Try picking your partner next time maybe youll do better. That is what I intend to do
2007-12-11 11:50:21 · answer #9 · answered by Kj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you stay single for awhile date different people and find out what you true feelings are.
2007-12-11 11:51:25 · answer #10 · answered by married & still inlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋