i'm freaked out because my psycho ex husband now knows where i live. what do i do???

Question

i tried to keep it from him, but somehow he found out.

this is a guy who was quite abusive, & controlling
and VERY sneaky & underhanded about it--never any marks, never any evidence....

i'm scared... i don't know what he's capable of--but i do know that when i asked for a divorce he basically kept me prisoner for over a week & it was * h e l l *... and it only ended because he then decided to try & kill himself in my car & i plugged in a spare phone while he was busy & called the police. when they got there they took him down & took him to a 'mental health facility' for a bit...

i have no evidence of any abuse. ever.
i'm remarried, just bought a house, and am 29 weeks pregnant. i'm very apprehensive about him knowing where i live... esp being so vulnerably pregnant... and my husband is LIVID...

what can i do??

i've got nothing to show that he was ever abusive, much less any current evidence of anything!

can i still get a restraining order?

he randomly contacts me, but nothing about the messages sounds threatening at face value...
i just got a text from him out of nowhere saying "you must have moved"

he sends me money to go toward the debt we accrued during the marriage, and one just came today to my new home--even though i have a po box set up in another town to receive them.

technically, going into the mental health facility was "voluntary" even though they cuffed him & took him there in the police car, he signed himself in...

get_christie's_love- stfu.
~i said it was *technically* "voluntary" because he wasn't forced to sign in. by the police
~the payments are part of the divorce settlement.
~*I* do not text *HIM*

if i could take the thumbs up away, i would. *****.

Answer 1

Rut-roh! Been there, done that. First off, you don't have to have proof to get a retraining order. In fact, I went armed with proof, recorded phone calls where he says he will kill me and my kids, calls where he was so freakin' high he didn't make sense and said he was running from a tree, that the tree's were trying to kill him, like wtf, right? The judge wouldn't listen to any of it and handed over the order gratis. Its basically just your word against theirs, and if the person who you are filing against has a problem with it, then the judge would see that as even more reason to give one. Why would it bother someone if they were ordered to stay the fork away from you if their intent was pure? It wouldn't, so the *need* for one kinda speaks for itself. He will be asked to come to court, but they very rarely actually show up. This was my biggest worry through all that, how could I tell my story with him glaring at me making death threats with his eyes? He didn't show, whew!

I would go down to the courthouse tomorrow and check into the victims advocate center. There, they will assign you a caseworker who will help you get your paperwork together. You will then go see the judge, same day who will most likely issue the order. I would put together whatever I had, just in case, like any legal docs, anything that shows he was committed- whether voluntary or not, to support your case. Even if you have nothing to take- GO.

Immediately after you leave the courthouse, go to your local cop shop, ask to speak to the lieutenant. Explain what is going on and show him/her the order. The court will also fax over an order, but that can take a few days. Then ask to have patrol beefed up in your area, and they will drive by about 4-10 times a day. I was friends with our head detective, andhe had someone on my street almost 24/7 for a week (he'd heard the calls, lol). I'm guessing you might not know anyone in your department, but if you do that's the best person to talk to no matter how embarassed you may be.

Second, whoever said you need to learn how to fight...ummm. yea... if she hadn't learned she wouldn't be with him, duh!

Be proactive, always on the lookout. Survey your street everytime you come home (prolly already do), lock your doors and windows. Tell your neighbors about your problem. Neighbors LOVE to be nosy and like being in on a secret, like Desperate Housewives. They might be your greatest asset in fact. Tell your coworkers and especially the secretary (if there is one) or whoever works the front of your building to be on the look out. Also speak with your buildings security if you have it. Provide all neighbors, friends, co-workers, security, and police with a current photo of him.

DO NOT buy a gun, and do not lure him to your home so you can have him arrested. Keep all guns away from hubby! I MEAN IT!!! Even with a restraining order it would be hard to prove it was self defense and not manslaughter. The police HATE domestic calls and consider everyone guilty until proven innocent. We have very few rights, even if they show up, then leave before the po-po get there the po-po will not do anything about it.

Do you have somewhere else you can stay after they serve the restraining order? This usually pi$$es people off worse, and the 1st couple of days after you have to be extra careful. Plus, you HAVE to KNOW where he is so they can serve him which can get a bit tricky. You can also request to be notified once he's been served. Do NOT play the victim under any circumstance, be proactive and take this dumb ******* on. Just be smart about it ;)

The victims advocates are wonderful people and will walk you through most of what I've already told you. They are your friend, trust them with all your personal info. Good luck hun and try not to worry excessively.

Answer 2

Yes, you can get a protective restraining order against him if you show the Judge you are in fear of your life and your unborn and new husband. Just tell your new husband not to do anything stupid unless its in self defense and is protecting his family and/or property as the baby will need a father. Get the order and definitely notify the police immediately anytime you feel he is near you or your house. Keep a high profile with alot of people around you as he will be less apt to approach you. I am bound by law notto inform you with the use of deadly self defense until a crime has been committed so Im not going there but it is a very viable option here in your case if youre afraid as much as you say. Good luck

Answer 3

I don't know much about this things (restraining orders or how to get one), but please don't wonder around alone.. Wherever you go have your husband or a sister or friend come with you, maybe you could get some pepper spray or something to keep in your purse just in case, he sounds like a total a$shole so be careful.. He's probably over it by now & won't do anything but.. better safe than sorry..

I have been in a similar situation, my ex bf tried (almost succeeded) to kill me a couple of years ago so i understand how scary it can be.. epecially since he promised to come back & ''finish the job'' however i did get a restraining order but don't know how to get one since my parents got it for me (i was underage).. I hope this guy stays away...

Take Care & God Bless!

Answer 4

Restraining order, as others suggested, would be a first step. I would also try and document any unwanted contacts/harassment, either in person or by phone. This will help substantiate any claims and allegations made against you or that you may make. Documentation will be invaluable if this escalates into a stalking situation. If this go far enough, and you have documents, you may qualify for a concealed carry permit and arm yourself to protect yourself and your family! Good Luck

Answer 5

Yes, you can get a restraining order from him.......You fear for you life is the best reason to have one., and if he was placed in mental health facility then they believe he needed it so you have cause for a restrain....Get one and notify the police in your area of what is going on they will patrol around you home. I know I walked your path once and now I am remarried and Happy as can be!

Answer 6

Buy a really good ALARM- with 2 way monitoring, so he an't cut you off by cutting the phone lines.
Go to the police and at least put it on record that you are nervous about him- try to get a restraining order.
Get a big Guard DOG and train him.
MOVE if necessary.
Totally sucks... but if it is the only way to protect yourself.

Answer 7

You are not going to like what I say but the reality is that a retraining order is not going to prevent a mentally unbalanced man from harming you .This is the only advice that I can give you.Find a way to protect yourself .If it comes to getting training on how to use a weapon than so be it.I don't want to scare you but the only one who can protect you in this situation,is you.Good luck.Be careful.

Answer 8

you need to get a restraining order. go down to the police department and file a report NOW. that way if he shows up and you do have to call the police, they will have documentation about what the hell is going on!

Answer 9

Get a restraining order ASAP. Just because you don't have any physical evidence, I am sure you have people who can testify how nuts and abusive he is toward you. It is not about you anymore..you now have to protect your unborn child. Next time he tries to kill himself...LET HIM!!

Answer 10

Tell the local police and they can can put a no contacted order out and he will not be able to call you or come by your house and if he does he will go to jail. Congrats on the new life. ♥♥