I had an appointment today and the ob said that my husband should be massaging my back at least 4 times a week to help relieve my back pain (I am 24 weeks). He seemed really preturbed when I handed it to him. I have struggled throughout our ten years of marriage to get him to give me more than a 5 minute massage every month or two (if that). I finally gave up but now I have a doctor telling him he needs to and he's upset. I don't understand why!! Anybody have any insight?
2007-12-11 11:27:13 · 10 answers · asked by jujube 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Don't get me wrong, he's a very caring and loving man, he just doesn't like rubbing my back and I don't know why. He is a great dad and loves the idea of us having another baby even though it wasn't planned. I just don't know why he is having an issue with this doctor's note. He's always willing to help me out by taking care of the kids and letting me sleep when I need it. I am really perplexed by his behavior with this issue!
2007-12-11 11:40:29 · update #1
Your husband is being a jerk. This is a time when you should be treated like a queen (as well as when you're not preggers, ha ha!), and he needs to be sacrificial to help you.
It seems like you like massages in general, and that makes you feel loved. Now it serves another purpose, because your back is hurting. Tell your husband you feel special and loved when he massages you. If he cares, he'll do it.
**Have you ever heard of the book "The Five Love Languages"? Here they are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. While all of these are great, each of us has one that TRULY touches our heart and makes us feel loved. When you know which one is most important to your spouse, you DO it, bottom line.
Good luck, and congratulations on your pregnancy!
2007-12-11 11:36:50 · answer #1 · answered by Irritated Lactivist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you get massages every month or two? You're a lucky woman! My husband hasn't given me a massage in years, and I never had one when I was pregnant!
He's mad because he doesn't want to do it, but now has confirmation that he can't ignore it. It's also possible that he thinks this is a ploy for you to get extra "relaxation" just for kicks.
So, give him an alternative. Check your local day spa, and get the prices on pregnancy massage. Let your husband know that you'll be stopping by the spa for 30 minutes, four times a week, and that it'll be easier for him (wasn't that nice of you to do him such a huge favor?). I'm guessing that when he hears the prices, he'll be a lot more willing to help you out. :)
2007-12-11 19:37:19 · answer #2 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a pregnant belly for your husband to wear on his back and see how he feels. A lot of guys are just insensitive to the fact that we really do get sore when we are prego. Next time he asks for dinner or why the dishes arent done tell him its because your back hurts too bad and you cant do it.Or go to a chiropracter and when he wonders where the money is going tell him you have to pay someone to do what he should be doing.:)
2007-12-11 19:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by Kel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is just upset bcause if this has been a semi-issue in the past, then he probably thinks you told the Dr to write the note to get him to do something he really doesn't want to do. I would drop it. Honestly. Yes, a backrub 4x a week would be great...but how many woman have gone through pregnancy without it!? Good luck!
2007-12-11 19:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by MamaBear 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he's not comfortable giving massages, like he doesn't know how or doesn't think he's good at it? Maybe you could get an instructional book or video and look at it together.
Also, do you ever give him massages? I know during pregnancy it's extra important for you to get them, but it might make him more inclined to give you one if he gets one in return. Plus if he's used to getting them he will understand why you want them so much!
2007-12-11 19:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by Sky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mad? Who knows about that one. Men are strange. My hubby never wanted to touch my belly or feel the baby move. He said he would get to see it move when the baby came. And he is the most loving father ever. If he won't do it, you can lay on a tennis ball and roll around....it should help.
Good luck!
2007-12-11 19:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by been_there_done_that 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is a jerk (no offense) Not much you can do about that other than going to a masseuse and paying them to massage you.
2007-12-11 19:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe hes insensitive, Lol, i dont know, but you really need to be talking to him about it and asking him why he feels that he doesnt need/want to help you. Say that this baby isnt just yours its his aswell... Or stop doing something for him until he helps you...
2007-12-11 19:33:45 · answer #8 · answered by ~Nik~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband has selfish male syndrome! it generally comes along after the words HONEY I"M PREGNANT when they realise your life is now not just about them
2007-12-11 19:32:24 · answer #9 · answered by queen_of_a_bitch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should make him carry around extra weight around his midsection so we can see how he likes it!
maybe one of those fave prego bellys!
2007-12-11 19:32:12 · answer #10 · answered by lorenzo and lily's mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋