My husband and I are both 22 years old. We've been married for 3.5 years. He is in the military. I dropped out of my University school in 2004 to join him in his duty station. Now 3.5 years later he is nearing his military discharge. He is going to Iraq 1 more time in Feb and I am moving back to my hometown. I got re-amitted to the University that I dropped out of and will attend the Spring 08 semester.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM:
My husband convinced me to get off of birth control about a month ago because he is concerned about the long term affects. Well, this month I had a pregnancy scare because I was late on my cycle. I got my cycle and decided to get back on the pill. When I told my husband that I got back on the pill he flipped. Basically, he wants to wing it and if I get pregnant I get pregnant. He refuses to use a condom.
Isn't that selfish of him? Or is it me?
I mean, I am going back to the University and he is leaving to Iraq in Feb.
2007-12-11 08:37:12 · 34 answers · asked by Bella 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he doesnt want you on birth control he should wear a condom. It sounds like there is something going on in his head he isnt saying out loud, like he wants you to get pregnant. Maybe he feels weird about you going to college while he is gone and that youll meet guys and he figures if youre pregnant no one will bother you. Talk to him and ask him to just be honest with you and figure this out together.
2007-12-11 08:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok ask yourself, do you want to have a baby at this time, sounds like the answer is no. only because you got scared that you might be pregnant. In my opinion school should be first. Get this out of the way and your career should follow. Place yourself on the road to success. Then when your comfortable with your financial situation,then by all means. pop a couple of them rug rats out. so its not selfish of you if you want to get on the pill again. your allowed to make those kind of decisions ....now its really nice of your husband to be concered about your over all health and he can give you all the advise he wants but its up to you to use it or not. and about him not wearing a condom with you, thats his decision
your his wife ,he wants to feel the love if you know what I mean. so I dont think thats selfish of him either. But maybe tell him he better use one if he's ever with a different girl. or you'll kick his a** one more thing. good idea for the pill, if your going back to college, cause you just never know. hey, good luck and take care.
2007-12-11 11:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by jason h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is selfish of him to disregard your feelings. You are suppose to be in a partnership not a dictatorship. Maybe he wants you to have a baby. Maybe he feels threatened by your new idea to return to school. So he feels if you are pregnant then you can't go to school & be more successful than him. Or it can mean he is just afraid he will not make it back from Iraq & he wants to have a baby, a piece of him that will always be with you. Casually bring this up to him. See what he says. & if you decide its still selfish and wrong of him not to consider your feelings then you can always hide your pills or get on the shot. Yeah it's wrong & deceitful but If he's not considering your feeling what options do you have? If your not ready to have a child yet then don't. You have a choice too.
2007-12-11 11:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by Monique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is concerned about the effects of birth control, he really does not need to be. A lot of women take it. Just make sure you do your breast exam. If he is trying to get you pregnant, then yes he is. However, it's not that bad. At least he is trying to get you pregnant and not someone else! Tell him how important the education is to you. Once you have a baby, that's pretty much it. Let him know you have every intention of having a baby with him but after you get your education. Your husband might also by a little jealous of your drive to go back to school. Assure him that you are still you and no amount of education is going to change that. You will always be in love with him and you want to have a family with him. But for now, you have to do this for yourself.
2007-12-11 08:51:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah its totally selfish of him,what is he thinking? He knows that the two of you both are working on certain goals in your lives and neither one of you have time for a baby right now! Why would he want to leave you alone to go through your pregnancy by yourself?Hmmm, I would seriously have a sit down with this guy and see if you can find out whats on his mind, this doesnt sound right. You should definetly stay on birth control,because surely you know time is a major factor and u dont have that if a new baby were to be brought into your worlds, be mature and dont 'wing' anything, a child is nothing to 'wing'. A child should be planned and wanted. So stick to your guns on this and hopefully every thing will work out..
best of luck to you,..
2007-12-11 08:47:36 · answer #5 · answered by I DONT CARE 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe he is being extremely unreasonable, and, sorry to say, I don't believe the real reason is because he is concerned about the pills long-term effects. More probably, he is concerned about you finding someone else while he is in Iraq, and hopes to get you pregnant to insure that you will be faithful and still be there when he returns. Since there is the chance that he may not return, god forbid, it is very uncaring of him to even give you the possibility of raising a child alone. It's your body -- stay on the pill until you are both settled.
2007-12-11 08:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by 13th Floor 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's controlling you and bullying you. It's your body. Since when has he been an obs/gyn doctor? The only person who can give you a BALANCED and professional view of the pill is your doctor. Nobody else, OK?
"He flipped". He's a controlling jerk, and needs to back off.
"He refuses to wear a condom." What a clown. He knows nothing about how to communicate with his wife in a loving and sensitive way. If you were married to me, I'd show you some respect, and take time to discuss it with you in a sensible and caring way, listening carefully to what you had to say.
2007-12-11 08:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is insecure with you coming back home and it is your body. If your not ready for the responsibility of a baby . I would stay on the pill. You both have time after you finish School and he gets out of the Service to start a family. It is hard to go to School and raise a child. Finish now, while you are still able.
2007-12-11 08:48:45 · answer #8 · answered by Babe 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think either one of you is being selfish, I can see it from both sides. You don't want to get pregnant right before you go to school, if you want to finish you need to give it your all and not have to worry about morning sickness, lamos class, yada yada yada and on top of all that have to do all on your own while he is over in Iraq!!! But from his point of view maybe he is afraid he will get hurt over in Iraq or god forbid die!!! And before he leaves he wants to make sure he has a child with the woman he loves just in case something were to happen. You both need to sit down and discuss why each of you want or don't want a child at this time and come up with a compromise. Good Luck
2007-12-11 08:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by Star City Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say he's being selfish. But it does sound like there is an ulterior motive. You should sit down with your husband and get to the root of the problem. Does he want you to get pregnant because he's afraid he won't get back from Iraq? In that case, there are alternatives.. such as freezing his sperm.. Or does he think that your marriage is not secure unless he leaves you pregnant.. Is he afraid that you will leave him while he's on tour? There is an underlying issue that needs to be resolved.
2007-12-11 08:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by Caligirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋