My husband refuses to try or to talk to me about our problems. I am tired of doing it all on my own. When do I stop and say Divorce? How long to I give it my all? We dont have sex, we dont talk, he told me he doesnt care about my feelings.. What more do I wait for? What holds me back is our kids. I could easily stay married to him, never argue or fight ( if I just went with the flow) but it would be killing me inside to live with him and believe that he doesn't love me. When do I stop trying? Do I tell him? I have begged him to work this out with me..What do I do? And for how long? I asked him if we should split for awhile, he said sure and told me to wake up the kids and leave..rather than him leaving..so seperation wouldnt work, he has somewhere to go , we dont. What do I do?
2007-12-11 08:31:12 · 15 answers · asked by loladoreen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He won't leave.
We don't have kids together, the kids are mine.
I have given him the silent treatment before, for a week. He said later that it bothered him but he never came to me and aksed what was wrong or anything. He has a lot of emotional issues. He refuses to go to counseling.
I don't know what more to do. My 9 year old cries because he is afraid were going to divorce...the whole thing could be fixed if he would make an effort,or talk to me. I dont understand why he wont- I do, because he has big emotional/intimacy issues but I would like to think that I am worth it.. worth taking the risk. but Im not apparently
2007-12-11 08:49:20 · update #1
Should I ask him if he wants a divorce and if he says why, explain that we are having theese problems and he is refusing to work on them. Which leads me to believe he wants a divorce.
2007-12-11 09:24:03 · update #2
You could tell him that you cannot live like this, and unless he is willing to make some adjustments then you will leave. If he continues to blow it off, then it is up to you on how long you can take this behavior from him. Staying together for the kids isn't doing them any favors. They know how miserable you are and this is not a healthy environment for them.
2007-12-11 08:35:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
>My husband refuses to try or to talk to me about our problems.
Bad sign.
> When do I stop and say Divorce?
We're getting there...
> How long to I give it my all?
That depends on a lot of things.
> We dont have sex
That's bad.
> we dont talk
That's really bad.
> he told me he doesnt care about my feelings..
That's not good either.
> What more do I wait for?
Him to start beating you?
> What holds me back is our kids.
Why should that hold you back? Do you really want you kids to think that marriage is about two people living together like you've described?
> I could easily stay married to him, never argue or fight
You may think that sounds easy now. I don't buy that.
> it would be killing me inside to live with him and believe that
> he doesn't love me.
I don't think he loves you.
> When do I stop trying?
When you feel you've had enough.
> Do I tell him?
You'll have to at some point, won't you?
> I have begged him to work this out with me..What do I do?
If you've tried everything I don't see what more you can do. I suppose you could work on yourself and hope he comes around but that doesn't look lilely.
> And for how long?
You'll know when you've had enough.
> I asked him if we should split for awhile, he said sure and told
> me to wake up the kids and leave..rather than him leaving..
Don't do that. If it comes down to it, get the papers ready and kick his @$$ out. He sounds like a real touchy feely, warm and friendly kinda guy.
> so seperation wouldnt work, he has somewhere to go ,
> we dont. What do I do?
Don't leave then. File the necessary paperwork and throw him out. If he wants to talk at that point maybe you could work something out. But I doubt that is going to happen. If you leave you'll be a weak position. You need a good attorney.
You sound like you've had enough but only you can determine that. What's in it if you stay? What can you gain by tossing him out?
Good luck to you.
2007-12-11 08:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to care so little for you that you would be better off consulting a lawyer and leaving. Do you have friends or family you could stay with for a while? Your son is crying now but he would be better off in the long run if you move on. Your husband has pretty much told you to go ahead and leave. I'm all for staying together because of the kids in most cases but as he said he doesn't care about you, it would be best if you leave.
2007-12-11 09:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get in touch with a lawyer. They will help you start gaining important information about the divorce process and your rights. Also, a close family member or friend will be needed for venting or a shoulder to cry on. Your husband's lack of compassion for your needs is heartbreaking.
In response to your additional information, I believe it to be important that you be up front with your issues. The silent treatment can not assist him in knowing the core issues. You might consider altering some of your technique before placing all the blame on your husband, maybe your also enabling the communication.
2007-12-11 08:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by BIRDY85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he literally said he doesnt' care about ur feelings..
it's already decided for you. he quit a long time ago =T. sorry to say, but YOU need to realize that and keep the kids in a better, loving situation! sounds like he doesn't even care if the kids are there or not...how is that staying in a loving home?? no way.
figure out how to proceed w/ divorce, and the judge will decide who gets "kicked out of the house". if he has a place to go, maybe the judge will side with you. good luck
2007-12-11 08:46:06 · answer #5 · answered by tarmee2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The lusty area of any courting is approximately 2 years. in case you and he are no longer having an incredible time, and in a bonded marriage, and you notice extra unfavorable than effective, and no destiny, then certainly bail. i do no longer see that any toddlers are in contact, so your existence remains all approximately you and his all approximately him. If he's flirty with different women individuals, quite he's no longer husband fabric...wasn't then, ain't now. And for effective, no longer sire fabric. And in case you have any loopy nutty thought that a sprint one is bonding, please be re-reported.... toddlers are no longer bonding they're divisive, as a number of those single mothers will inform you...because of the fact into an rather warm perfect courting (which you at present confess is lacking) is now this shrieking youngster demanding of the mum and doing away with from the attention to him, and giving it to the youngster. it relatively is barely one extra undertaking to deal with... toddlers are a woman undertaking, no longer a daddy undertaking, and few men are waiting for the jolt until eventually now age 30. So, definite, hon. If he's being a jerk, and you notice no reason to proceed, you guess, bail. existence is tooooo short, and amazing, mature men toooooo obtainable to manage a ding bat for a husband.
2016-12-10 20:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I begged my husband for years to change, and I eventually just couldn't take it anymore. I knew he somewhat loved me, but not enough to change, and try to make our marriage work. When I finally had had enough, as I am sure you are already to that point, I called it quits with him, and now, he is doing everything and anything to get me back. I have moved on with someone else, and it is killing him because he knows what he had is done & gone. We had 3 children as well, and you know what? I say this all the time...children can tell when one of their parents...especially mom is not happy. What are we teaching/showing them if we are constantly miserable in our relationship, and continue with it? They are most likely going to go down the same path with their future spouses...if they should chose to marry. I wish you the best of luck, because I know how hard this must be for you, but to stay for the sake of the kids, just isn't the best solution. You have to be happy to make them happy.
2007-12-11 08:48:59 · answer #7 · answered by Shannon29 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take some time and read your question again...slowly. I do feel for you, the situation doesn't sound too good HOWEVER it seems to me that you fell into one of biggest wife-trap there is: trying to improve your husband.
Thing is, nobody likes to be told that they need to work on themselves, weather they do or not. Just stop what you are doing and try smiling. You will be amazed at the result. Men are not as comfortable with expressing their feelings as we are. However men and women have one thing in common: we don't like to be criticized by our spouses.
2007-12-11 09:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried marriage counseling? If he refuses to go, try to talk to your minister or priest, rabbi, if you have one. If all else fails, seek the advice of a good divorce attorney to see what options you have.
The kids will be better off because they probably already know there are problems. Good Luck
2007-12-11 08:40:54 · answer #9 · answered by miamiwings 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
truth of the matter is if you file divorce with temp custody of kids the courts will make him move out cause the house will be placed where the kids are....theres a way to get it started if thats what you want and yes i agree staying with him does your kids no favors i was there and i stayed too long my daughter is still in therapy cause i was too dumb to leave when i should of
2007-12-11 08:39:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋