I am dating a man not very long now but I recently told him that if he knows that he has no intentions of getting serious with anyone to let me know because I am VERY ready to have more than a "friend" in my life.
He is now very stressed out by this. I tried to explain that I wasn't saying WE would get married, but if he's not even open to the possibility of being in a serious relationship ever again then I don't want to waste my time.
Am I wrong to say this????
btw, we're both divorced for four years each. His ex had a baby with another man and mine had one with another woman while we were married to them.
2007-12-11 07:47:45 · 8 answers · asked by SillyGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are right to say this but his response is okay too - he can react however he wants. If he's freaked out by it then take that as he might not be the right guy for you. Don't ignore red flags!!!!!!! That also means don't tell him to hide his red flag so you can pretend it doesn't exist.
2007-12-11 07:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a woman, I know we don't see anything wrong with this. I think it is wise. But men, as we all know, don't see things the same way as we do.
Many men have intimacy and commitment issues, especially if he has been through a bad marriage, and you must have really hit a sore spot.
I have even freaked men out by just asking if they were going to call me again. I mean for reals, I'm not asking you to marry me just if you're going to call. They acted like that was too much pressure! So telling a man, point blank, that you want a serious relationship probably really sent him over the edge.
I think the fact that he is so worried, is your answer. He obviously isn't ready for that step yet.
2007-12-11 16:13:05 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. It is actually good dating etiquette to be open about your intentions. This way both parties know of the expectations and there are not misleading. However, it's a very delicate issue to present. For it could very well be seen as an ultimatum to get married. But in your case, it is not because you have not dated him for very long. I really don't understand why he is putting all the pressure on himself. You told him you wanted to get serious, but it does not have to be with him. Did you make that clear with him? That is does not have to be him?
2007-12-11 16:05:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you were not wrong to tell him what you did. It was very fair to let him know that you are not interested in something indefinite or casual.
The fact that you stressed him is probably your answer right there. He's not interested in getting serious right now.
If you are looking for something serious, never be afraid to let your partner know. That way you don't wind up like so many posters on this forum whining about how they have 3 kids with their baby's daddy and have been with him for 15 years and he still won't marry them.
2007-12-11 15:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand his stress, as it probably came across as if you were husband-hunting. Perhaps if you'd asked him what he wanted out of a relationship or if he was open to one, he'd have taken it better than being told if he didn't want to get serious then you weren't interested.
It's not so much what you said, as how you said it (at least from your post). Hopefully he'll settle down and be honest about whether or not he's open to anything serious in the future...
2007-12-11 15:54:41 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you are just being open and up front before you waste any time together. you have to be on the same page for future possibilities. goals etc
2007-12-11 15:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by jslorri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's going to happen, it will happen. You may have scared him.
2007-12-11 15:52:20 · answer #7 · answered by GJax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can proceed whatever you thing u r right
2007-12-11 15:51:46 · answer #8 · answered by carlos mora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋