which he hates, so he's off - saying he can't stand coming home to a drunk - that I'm mean to him - all of which he is repeating to the girl and his co-workers!
Meanwhile, I'm still thinking everything is OK, until I go to be with him one weekend & he points this girl out to me : long striped hair, short, voluptuous body (I'm tall & athletic with short hair) &, of course, 20 years younger than me too.
To make a long story short, the girl dumps him when she finds out about me (he told her we were separated!) & was actually sweet to me the few times I saw her.
All that is fine, but since then, hubby has confessed to 2 other 'instances' of cheating in the past 4 years. I admit that he's always said he's a polygamist, but I never really took it seriously. I guess now I must! I know he loves me - believe it or not - & as long as I know MY feelings come 1st with him, I won't be threatened. Am I nuts to accept him bringing another woman into our home? Like 'Big Love'?
2007-12-11 07:40:32 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks, Brent. you may be the only one who actually got it right. I'm not young - in any sense of the word. I have been in an abusive situation before & the relationship I have with my husband is anything but...except perhaps for this. And I am asking for opinions & I appreciate any & all! Thanks!
2007-12-11 08:27:27 · update #1
Wait, are you my wife?
2007-12-11 07:46:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, love does not only mean 1st, it's exclusive. Making you the priority does not mean he could also have options. Does not work that way. I have a very good question for your husband, if he is so called polygamist, is he okay with you bringing home other men? Because that is the true meaning of polygamy. Marriage where there are more than one woman and/or man. If he is okay with that, then fair enough. If he is not okay, then you know what he is, selfish, selfish, selfish.
2007-12-11 07:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
finally, the part II of the question... (thanks Nikki)
it's like this. few years (actually, decades) ago, I dated a beautiful girl, has almost 'loyalty' status in her country... got millionaire parents but down to earth, smart, (again) beautiful, sweet, very giving, and very very unselfish in bed, etc.. your basic 'dream girl'. she treated me like a king.. actually, she treated me too good. maybe i had a case of "if she thinks I'm all that, she may be not all that good"... but i was dumping her for no real good reason. when i was breaking up with her, she suspected another girl. and yes, i had interest on this other girl who worked as an exotic dancer. so i was braking up with her and she tells me, 'i rather share you than lose you... and i want you any way i can have you'.
if she said in more in line of "you're a rat, you've been lucky to have someone like me and you're dumping me for some skank!?", i would have probably married her. but no, i lost every bit of respect for her and i did dump her. (that exotic dancer, she wasn't worth it. she knew how to dance and all the acts, but she sucked(figuratively) at everything else. or maybe i meant she sucked(literally) everyone else.
do you wanna be a wife, or a collection?
i bet if that other woman moves in, your hubby probably makes you two do each other.
make sure that's on a web cam site. i'll put up a dollar to see that.
2007-12-12 00:14:12 · answer #3 · answered by KJ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't mind being second best while he's out catting around - that's up to you.
Personally, I have too much respect for myself to put up with that sort of cr*p.
"but since then, hubby has confessed to 2 other 'instances' of cheating in the past 4 years."
A note to Richard - if he's not telling her about his flings, that's not an "open marriage", that's cheating.
2007-12-11 07:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If only society would accept polygomy then it would be fine. Unfortuneately they dont so it gives the appearance that you are making a mistake. For practicle purposes, having a third income would help greatly. Think of dividing chores up with an added person. Too bad it is not the norm.
2007-12-11 07:52:01 · answer #5 · answered by Frank the Tank 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes.
If he's a polygamist, then those girlfriends would be wives, and you would all be breaking the law.
Just because he is 'Honest' about his inability to remain monogamous does not mean that it should be okay, but if you are okay since you know he loves you, then nothing anyone here posts will really matter....
2007-12-11 07:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by bethanne 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave him. Don't listen to women that don't know crap and lie to themselves. The next guy you meet will also cheat on you but he might also beat you on top of it. Here are the facts of life:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth ask me anything!!!
2007-12-11 13:49:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah thats really not a healthy relationship. i guess it may be fun for people like you at first but few years later down the line, it gets old and you want steadiness. Personally, i am not down with that cus thats sick, but if you are into it...good luck, tooo many STDs out there and you guys are both in BIG danger if you continue living that lifestyle
2007-12-11 07:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by sexyexotik 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many European women accept their husbands 'extracurricular activities'. No one should judge you for what you do or what works in your own marriage. I just know my ego can't take my husband being with someone else; guess you are more understanding than I.
You are not nuts; just more honest than many.
2007-12-11 09:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say you are nuts. But you must really know yourself well to accept this. And, even more important, what is it with this drinking thing? Get some help and be nice. No one wants to live with a mean drunk. I divorced one myself.
2007-12-11 07:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you've watched Big Love, you'll see that the women get the short end of the stick.
2007-12-11 07:51:33 · answer #11 · answered by S K 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋