Should I give up on my marriage?

Question

My husband has an exgirlfriend and a daughter 16. An exwife with 3 kids and 2 of them which are his and the oldest was1 when him and his ex married. When we got together I did not realize everything involved. He had a past of drinking and recieved 3 dui's which occured in his last marriage. The two women have become best friends and when he went to court he lost visitation and custody rights because of his past. He went 4 yrs without being able to talk to his children but now they are coming back into the picture. Since he has no rights he has to do what the women say to talk and see his kids. His kids have no interest in having a relationship with me (They have called me names etc). If he goes to visit them he must be with the ex and me and my children are not to be included. I have tried to stay strong but can not emotionally handle this as I know he must do what they say to have a relationship with his children. I Have 3 kids that are use to my husband but may get pushed aside.

I knew he drank some but not how much. I thought it would be a normal situation where he would get his kids on weekends etc and we could all be one happy family. The exgirlfriend and exwife are not nice people. The ex was mad because she left him but probably thought he would always be around until he meet me. It has been 6 yrs and she is still angry. I did however find out that after we were dating for about six months he spent a night with his exwife and I did not find out about it until about a month before we were to get married so I have some fear I guess. She controls the situation to the point of having to be with him when he sees the kids. A good example is that he is going to visit them on Saturday and his ex will be there to. We are struggling with money and I am having a hard time paying bills let alone buying gifts for all the kids but we have to pay for his exwifes lunch to. Makes my blood boil.She is also single and I feel because she plays games that the games will never

Answer 1

I dont think you should give up on your marriage. Only because unless he is doing the same wreckless drinking, at least he has changed. His kids and visitations are completely out of his control. However, if I were you, I would consult with a lawyer maybe? To see if you can make an appeal based on the fact that the women let him see their children anyway eventho he technically cannot. At least can his other children be involved.

I dont necessarily think you need to be there when he is with his other kids. But I do think that your kids have a right to be with him while he is with his other kids. I would also hope that your husband is handling things respectfully, and not letting those women talk to their kids about you.

But again it's all a sticky situation. But regardless it is something that is uncontrollable. Unless your husband is spending drastically less time with and supporting your own kids, then I would try to handle it best you could, make sure you stay honest with your husband about how you feel, and possibly seek out a family therapist that maybe can help you deal better.

You sound like a good woman. Don't give up.

Answer 2

What a f--ed up mess. And it's not YOUR mess. You must feel really resentful of all that baggage.

What you didn't tell us - or I didn't see - is if your husband still drinks. 3 DUI's is pretty bad. That's somebody with a serious problem. If he's in recovery then that's different but if he's not then I'd toss in the towel right there. This is too much crap for any woman to put up with.

If the man is in recovery and he does not drink and he treats you right and you've got a good thing going then you would do well to be as supportive as you can.

You need to tell us more before we can say very much about what you should do.

If you add more information I'll say something more intelligent.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Dear, these are his problems (his ex - his mess). You butting into it isn't going to help anything. So, just let him finally get responsibile and see the children, while you go on your merry way and get your hair done. Make a quilt or something you enjoy. Don't insist you and your children be included (you're all better off without the trauma, don't you think?)

This is why I never recommend a woman marry a divorced man with children - you will never be first. And neither will your kids.

In addition, he must have a drinking problem which may have been the underlying cause of these failed relationships, so you may want to go to Al-Non, a support group for families of alcoholics.

If it doesn't work, join his little ex-wives group - sounds like they are fun.

Joy to you!

Answer 4

In this situation he needs to put his foot down or he mans up and tell thems that you are his wife an that nothing is ever going to change that and that they need to accept you. And the only reson why those kids call you names is because there mother tells them to. But anyway live up and stress about your situation and if you see he is not a good man for you then get up and leave you need a man in your life not a whip that gets pushed around.

Answer 5

if u love him u would stand by him but he has t start telling u everything he does i cant believe u actually entered into a marriage with a man u didnt really no. how come he has no rights t his children every man has rights. go see someone t help or you are going t fall apart.It sounds as tho hes in the middle all the time he cant do anything right i actually feel sorry for him i bet hes tired of arguing all the time.

good luck

Answer 6

Whatever you do. giving up on the marriage is only half of your problems.

You need to start making better decisions in your life. Think things through before you act.

You also need to know that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness.

You probably would benefit from professional counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 7

That is a really hard one......I don't believe that you should give up on a marriage just because of this....you never know what the future holds. As long as your husband is there for you and your children and doing his part then I would stick in there for awhile. God Bless

Answer 8

He is your husband. For better or worse. He hasn't hurt you physically and he apparently is staying true to you. He just has a LOT of baggage.

Stay with him and figure out how to create some fences between you and his troubles. But don't fence HIM out.

You and your kids come first. Beyond that, be true to thine husband.

Answer 9

let him see his kids first~ alone ~ with out you. he hasnt been able to in so long.
talk to him tell him how you feel about the whole situation. if that dosent work then try couseling.
good luck hun

Answer 10

don't give up on your marriage . time will take care of some problems. hang in there . talk to your husband about the kids calling you names and disrespect. you should at least get that.im sure it hard on him too.