Okay, i am 22, and my fiance will be 37 on Monday. We met online, ramdomly... when we met, i was underage, but didnt start even talking about dating until i was 19. i hid my relationship with him from my parents, telling all kinds of lies. We started dating Aug 23rd 2004 and got engaed March 17th, 2005.... i finally broke down and told my parents about him, basically telling them everything except that we are egaged. i do not wear the ring whenever i am aroundd them. I want to move to where he is after i graduate from college(i graduate May'08. I know that my mom does not approve of this at all, but ifeel as if she is not even trying to get to know him. The only thing that bugs her is the age diff. I understand, but he is really a good guy. My mom asked if i was going to marry him and i said i dont know maybe, i do not want to tell her i am engaged, until he actually asks my dad, which i know my dad will say no. My mom has also asked i will move there(my fiance is in Louisiana, and I
2007-12-11 07:22:01 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
am in Arizona). I told her yes, i will move there when i graduate. i think that she doesnt take me seriously. Also, my mom has told everyone about my sister(identical twin)having a bf, but no one knows about mine. I think she is ashamed of me or something. I guess I am asking how I can weave in and get through to my mom. My mom is easier to talk to then my dad. My dad doesnt know anything unless my mom tells him. We have never talked about "my fiance" or bbf as they know him. I really do not wnt to throw away this relationship, because i really love him, but i feel as if i do not do what my parents want " or how they would do things" i will be the black sheep of the fam. my parents are very old fashioned and think that they have raised me "better" than this. My sister knows of him,. but i do not think she knows everything. we dont talk about the realtionship i have. i feel like i have commited a sin or something. Please i need suggestion, i get really depressed and confused over this.
2007-12-11 07:26:49 · update #1
Trust me, i did not see myself in this position, but now that i am in it, i would not change it for the world. My bf is not a bad person, he means well. I think that if you all would get to know him, than you would all see that. My mom does not give him the time of day. He does not at all make me doing anything i dont want to do, or anything, which i am sure some of you are thinking. I really cannot imagine life without him....
2007-12-11 07:41:37 · update #2
The ONLY reason why i did not tell my parents is because i knew they woul not like it. i feel like i have worked my butt off to hard to throw it all away......
2007-12-11 07:43:02 · update #3
We plan on making it "official" to them, but until then, i am hiding it. My parents have told me, i have like dishoned(sp) them. I want to make myself happy because i am the type of person that pleases everyone around me instead of myself.....
2007-12-11 07:47:19 · update #4
I'm sorry did u say u were 22 or 12? Well if ur 22 then ur an adult don't stress about what ur parents think it's ur life. If I listened to my parents then I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. The way I see it they'll get over it and if they don't then their missing out not u!
Honey live life for u cuz when ur parents are gone then what? U can not base all decisions around them.
EDIT: Ur just like me, always worried about everyone else. All my life I've done what my family told me to do or what they expected of me. Now that I've finally put my foot down being 31 they think I'm losing my mind cuz it's something their not use to seeing. I finally decided to take a stand for myself and they are not to happy about it. I have always been extremely close w/ my family ALWAYS until now. I haven't spoke to my sister w/ an actual conversation in I don't know how long, we use to talk daily for hrs, my mom, discussions w/ her are to the point and thats it, I use to talk to her everyday for hrs. They don't understand that what I am doing is for me and my kids (long story). I'm not bad mouthing them and I will not unless they give me reason to. When they realize it's my life I'll be here waiting for them to apologize. So u need to do the same, stand up for urself and live ur life how u wanna, if its a mistake its ur mistake to make, not theirs.
2007-12-11 07:27:11 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
The fact that you feel as though you can't be open and honest with your parents speaks volumes about how you REALLY feel toward your relationship.
Please understand, while it may be wonderful for you to have established a relationship with an older man, he will ALWAYS be looked upon as a loser by his peers (and your parents) simply because there is something not quite right about a grown man not being able to relate to women his own generation and having to resort to hooking up with a child.
I am equally unimpressed with you fiance' giving you a ring without asking your father's blessings or at least announcing his intentions. That speaks to his lack of maturity and if I were you, I would insist that he "make it official".
Everything you describe sends up red flags of warning. Take your time and seriously consider how successful a marriage based on deception could possibly be.
2007-12-11 15:38:52 · answer #2 · answered by lunatic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An age difference of 15 years is too great a difference. You may not think so now, but you will begin to regret your decision in just a few years. Think of him getting older 15 years faster than you. He will be on the couch falling asleep, with his bald head, wrinkles and dentures, belly over his belt, and you will be this fine young thing still ready to party and being tied to a boring old man, that everyone thinks is your father or much worse your grandfather. You will want lots of loving and he will want lots of naps and go to bed early leaving you up alone. You will want to go do things he will be happy to stay home. Men usually die before their wives that are the same age. Are you ready to be a widow at a young age?
In 13 years you will be 35 he will be 50. Take a good look around at men in their 50's and then their 60's. It's one thing to grow old with your man, but it is a whole other thing to watch him grow old while you are still young and vibrant. Listen to your parents. They have lived a lot longer than you have and they do know more than you. They love you, and want the best for you.
2007-12-11 15:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those are movie stars with all the support and money they need and they get divorced?!?!? It doesn't work!!! Before you do something stupid like getting married here are the facts of life:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth ask me anything!!!
2007-12-11 21:52:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you in college?
Is it to teach the professors all about life? Do you think that someone older is maybe a bit wiser?
Your parents have been your age. You have not been your mothers age?
When he was 20 you were five. Can you not see this is NOT a good plan?
You must because you keep hiding this from your parents.
You are kool, You take their money for school and what not but you keep this pedophile on the side
Why not let him pay for your schooling.
Are you having sex with him?
Imagine you have a daughter. She is 15 and her boy friend is 30. Would you have a problem with this? No? Would you send your daughter off to be a hooker, if she really thought that the men she was doing were really nice guys?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
2007-12-11 15:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by tlindsey3417@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As a 37-year-old who would love to date a 22-year-old, let me ask you to look at this relationship seriously. Maybe a bit of what your parents have to say is right.
We need more info on the guy. If he's 37, he BETTER have his act together by now. He should be a professional with a good job if he wants a 22-year-old.
What does he have to offer? A lot of 37-year-olds I know are failing the game of life at this point. Is this guy?
2007-12-11 15:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by Kyle W 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. Have you ever spent time with him. You are too young to get married. Have you ever dated anyone else? You need to experience life, and that's what your throwing away. Your parents sent you threw college so you can throw that away to have some older man's children, and never use your degree. Try to look at the big picture. Listen to what they have to say, and respect them because they are your family. This guy could be a murderer or worse. There is so much to life you shouldn't get married so soon.
2007-12-11 15:37:14 · answer #7 · answered by MessieJessie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
although you say you did not date until you were legal..this man still started a relationship with you while you were under age. no normal 30-something year old man would start an on-line "frienship" with a underage teenage girl unless his head was all about the sex. perhaps you should wait a little longer before marrying this man. how much do you know about him? was he married when he started talking to you? you are still young. take your time and dont rush into anything. i dont want to tell you he is bad as i dont know him personally but i would watch out if i were you.
2007-12-11 15:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by Heather 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would say that the 37 yr old guy is the only winner here.. as it's every older guys dream to bag a hottie like yourself.. It's you that will notice him slowing down and not wanting sex as much within the first 10 years.. cause you see he'll almost be 50!
2007-12-11 15:29:47 · answer #9 · answered by Latin G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just wait until you are a little older and have kids, if some old pervert wanted to date your young girl how would you feel. I would shoot a man 37 if he even looked a my daughter. I really wonder about a man that can not get someone his own age, He is probably a loser and that is why he takes advantage of young girls.
2007-12-11 15:32:04 · answer #10 · answered by Timbo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋