Recently my husband and I got into an arguement wherein I told him that I was not happy and thought we needed to separate. We all know that people can say very hurtful things during the heat of discussion. I would like your opinions on this: I have recently been under a lot of stress because of him and his drug use. He has recently gotten help and is sober. During this period of time, I gained about 20 pounds, and I know that is no excuse. If he told me that I was fat, and he was embarrassed to go places with me. Do you think that he loves me and was just trying to hurt my feelings?? I know that I need to lose weight. Do you think that he was just trying to get me to realise that?? He came back home later that day after I practically begged him to. I love him so much and we have a 2 year old. I do not want him to be brought up in a broken home. What do you think???
Thanks for your opinions.
2007-12-11 07:00:34 · 10 answers · asked by rsrose13 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband should love you no matter what size you are and calling someone names doesn't spur anyone on to self improvement, it just makes them feel bad about themselves. Anyway, he's got a drug problem, so how can he bring up you putting on weight? You sticking by him through his drug problem should be showing him how much you love him. A drug problem is much more serious than a few pounds you can lose. He seems to be very immature and self-centered. I know you have a child, but you shouldn't have to be begging him to come home. Maybe he is having a rough time getting through this drug thing. Try to talk about things and get to the root of the matter. I don't think it's really your weight.
2007-12-11 07:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by karenhjones 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he's a drug addict and he only loves the drugs. If he loved you and the kid, he'd be off the drugs. He said what he said because he wanted to lash out at someone and you were the easy mark. If you lost the weight, he'd find something else to hurt you with.
It's time to woman up and protect your kid. There are far worse things than being from a "broken home", which by the way, yours already is--healthy, thriving, functional homes don't look like yours. And if you want to stay with him for religious reasons, ALL Christian sects and Judaism say that abuse, addiction, and adultery are the big 3 deal breakers that nullify a marriage contract.
I've been in your kid's place and I didn't enjoy being raised in a home with an addicted dad. I was overjoyed when my parents got divorced. If you won't leave for your own mental health, then leave for your kid.
2007-12-11 07:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is deflecting attention away from himself by pointing out your weight. You should not feel ashamed of gaining a little weight, and there's no reason for him to be "ashamed to be seen with you." Sounds like he's done plenty of things to be ashamed of already. Don't let him push you around like this, and don't beg him, ever. You need to have dignity and self respect, or you will never get any respect.
I admire your desire to bring your child up in a two parent home, but don't forget that quality matters, too. Do you want your child to watch his father belittle his mother all his life? A two parent home is great, when both parents are ready for the committment. Doesn't sound like your husband is.
2007-12-11 07:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's sad! Sometimes relationships have up and down periods. My husband and I have had rough patches where I would have said no to this question. For the past year though it has been wonderful, and I can say yes, I am truly loved by my husband.
2016-04-08 21:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and most importantly it is not healthy for your child to be a witness to this type of behavior and secondly there have been reports on children living in abusive homes wether verbally, phyisically, or emotionly, ect... and seperated homes mom in one home and dad in another and results are seperated homes there is a list of long lasting effects that an abusive home has on children. and for the two of you, if you cant grow up and actually treat each other with some respect that you might as well cut the strings your not doing each other any good and it wont get better it no one can relize whats important most of all!! Your CHILD!!!
2007-12-11 09:08:04 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he probably meant it and it means that HE IS SHALLOW. After what you share together...you are beyond "looks" being the priority between you two. He should love "who" you are not what you look like. dont beg him...it makes you vulnerable and weak and pathetic in his eyes and he will use it to control you and use it against you. Its male nature to do this if you already have some of these traits which he has shown he does. Tell him when he is so perfect..he can ridicule you...til then to stop his hurtful words . If he loves you then stay...if you dont......then go and do so now. theres the door. be strong....thats very important right now
2007-12-11 07:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by jslorri 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that his feelings got hurt & he might have gotten worried when you brought up a separation...
2007-12-11 07:08:24 · answer #7 · answered by Promised Attitude 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you both need some help-try counseling-you stayed with him despite drug issue-he can tough it out while you lose weight-he's really selfish to say that to you
2007-12-11 07:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You know what i think???
I think you have him thinking you need him too much.
He is one of those guys that takes advantage of your love for him. No man who cared about you would be making you feel bad about your body.
He is an azzhole. Sorry, but he is!
2007-12-11 07:04:30 · answer #9 · answered by Violation Valerie X 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
better to live apart than for him to be a bad example to your child... better to be alone than to live w/ a man who does not care about anyone but himself...
you don't want your child to end up like him and you don't want your child to end up w/ someone like him, either...
leave, and tell the spouse to shape up while you are gone, or it's over in a few months... good luck...
2007-12-11 07:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋