We have been separated for 3 months and recently she found out that I've been going to therapy on my own and she now she's willing to go to MC with me. The catch is that she's will to go to MC to help me but she still wants a divorce. The first session went well, she cried and vented. That means she still have feelings for me. Anyhow, I just found out that she just back from Hawaii with her gfs and her cousin. Her cousin's boyfriend is stationed in Hawaii so they got a free place to crash. Two things that bothered me about her taking this vacation. 1.That Hawaii was supposed to be our honeymoon destination. 2. one of girls she's going with is going thru a bitter divorce. Will this trip with her girlfriends influence her to be more determined to file for divorce or will this make her think more about reconciliation? The last I heard from her she still want to go to MC with me. I feel that she's stringing me along. Am I thinking too much into this?
2007-12-11 06:54:27 · 14 answers · asked by DMa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been together for 8 years and married for 1 yr. We didnt get to go on our honeymoon because at that time she wanted to get a management position in her company. Therefore we plan to go to Hawaii for our 1 yr wedding anniversary.
2007-12-11 07:03:57 · update #1
It may or may not. Sometimes women jsut have to get away from the whole situation to see things more clearly. No one can really say what her decision will be. It's been my experience that my friends help me see the whole picture, good and bad. My boyfriend and I have had some rough spots and without my friends I don't think we would be together. Try not to worry too much. Give her some time, everything will work out in the end.
2007-12-11 07:05:55 · answer #1 · answered by ♥TaZ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah man... you're reading way too much into this.
Sure she still has feelings for you. She'd have to be an automaton not to. The more you fret and worry the more secure she'll feel about having you to come back to.
Nothing is more appealing to a woman than a man who is gettgin on with his life. So get on with your life. Go to MC and work on things but you should also work on yourself. Improve yourself. Find out what in yourself you could improve and work on that. Take a class or read a book or whatever. Broaden your horizons and don't worry about what she does.
Your best shot, buddy, is to be the best man you can be. Not for her but for you. If she can see that you're moving forward and growing and that you're doing it for you she might get interested again. But don't do it for her. You've got to be genuine about this. If you do this just to manipulate her it will be a flop. Do it for you and you'll benefit and she might really dig that.
If she goes on her way, you'll be that much more appealing for the next girl you meet. Either way you win.
So turn off the skull cinema and get out there and live life. Go out with friends and learn new things. Go to new places. Go on a trip of your own. Get fit get into healthy foods and learn to cook new stuff. Learn about wines and gormet foods. Teach yourself a new language. Go travel somewhere interesting.
A guy who is lamenting the loss of his relationship is pretty unappealing. It also makes it look like she's got you to fall back on. She won't feel quite that way if you're out having a good time and you're growing and moving forward. She'll realize that if she wants you she's going to have to work at it too. You can't hold this together on your own so don't try.
Be kind to yourself. This chasing her around stuff is hard on a man's ego. Be the best man you can be. If she comes back, great, if she doesn't then have some faith that there's a better woman waiting for you somewhere and that she'll come along.
Good luck.
2007-12-11 07:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said Hawaii was supposed to be your honeymoon destination. Why didn't it happen? You don't say how long you've been married, just how long you've been separated.
A honeymoon by definition takes place right after the wedding.
I think this matters. It's like a broken promise right out of the gate.
2007-12-11 07:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by Elt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she going to marriage counseling? Is she trying to save the marriage, or is she just going so she won't feel guilty? If she still wants a divorce, what is the point of coming to counseling with you?
I think it's time for you to take charge of this situation, and stop letting her walk all over you. You're letting her call all of the shots. Tell her to make a choice- work towards reconciliation, or file the papers.
2007-12-11 06:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling is for folks wanting to salvage things...any counselor worth their weight will weed out the wishy washy from the start....otherwize its a waste of time. One cannot be moving towards divorce AND doing marraiage cousneling!! Continue with therapy for yourself in either case. Just because she is hanging out with divorced folks does not mean she will "catch" the divorce bug. You cannot control who she has as friends anyway, so why waste any energy or thought on it. I doubt anyone could talk her in or out of a divorce anyway. I know no one could have done that when I was separated, even tho my then husband was sure that it was a conspiracy!! LOL
2007-12-11 07:02:08 · answer #5 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Didnt you say that she was willing to go to counseling with you but still wanted a divorce? What is the purpose of her going with you then? Unfortunately her going to Hawaii and it supposedly being your setination for your honeymoon, well again, didnt you say she wnats a divorce? It sounds like a very ugly situatuation. And one that is not going to be rectified unless she has a change of heart.
2007-12-11 07:00:39 · answer #6 · answered by hottie phat girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women do have minds of their own. It's not so easy for our girlfriends to influence us one way or another. If she wants to work it out with you, no one can convince her to do or not do otherwise. You're very insecure, and I'm guessing you have screwed up big time! There isn't anything wrong with her taking a trip with some friends---more women should break free and do that! Relax, and stop analyzing everything to death. If you have questions about what she's considering, ask her!
2007-12-11 06:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I definately think surrounding herself with such negative energy and situations that her friend is going thru and being subjected this on a trip will lead to girl talk and venting. It is hard to say. Depends on how she really still feels inside and if she is liking her freedom and wants it back at this point.
2007-12-11 07:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by jslorri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will never know until you talk to her, a lot of girlfriends (friends) will incourage the girl in the direction that they are already heading so the girl will feel socure in her disision but you know her better than any one so if you think that she is set in her ways she is probably going to get the divorce no matter what any one says.just remember the power of suggestion. good luck, and sorry about all this
2007-12-11 07:08:45 · answer #9 · answered by Major Horse Lover! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, guy, you have actual subject concerns. For starters, according to risk it replaced into particularly and invasion of your privateness that she replaced into snooping, yet are you able to blame her? What might you do in case you concept she replaced into cheating on you? Oh...wait...it variety of feels as in case you in all risk does no longer observe considering which you're off with another lady on the facet. adult adult males such as you supply all adult adult males undesirable reputations. you're component to the clarification why alot of ladies persons have believe subject concerns. you comprehend what, there are rather some dazzling adult adult males obtainable that could on no account betray their girlfriends or better halves. there is unquestionably no way which you would be able to condone cheating on your spouse and then attempt to learn sympathy via calling her a continual, nagging, "B*t*h". She merits alot greater suited than you're giving her. She ought to kick you butt out of the domicile without mercy and supply you some black eyes as properly for talking down upon her right here. She's your spouse you fool! this is not important which you're making reliable funds, you're needless to say greater interested in attracting different women persons with it than working to have a reliable, uncomplicated, and good marriage. i won't even have faith which you had the heart to submit right here. Oh, and via the way. you're no longer a guy. adult adult males manage their lady (observe:singular no longer plural) with admire.
2016-11-02 22:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋