Lets just say "Terri" (an American) is married to "F" a Muslim. F wants to send money back to his country monthly (a significant amount). Terri does not really agree because a) she is concerned that the family is not poor and could live with out it and Terri and F do not have a lot to spare. B) F came into the marriage with a lot of school dept and when he asked his family to sell his land to help pay for it, they said no(Terri, makes more and their money is combined so she's helping him out w/ debt accrued before the marriage) c) F's father has 2 wives and Terri does not agree with that and also she was told by F that Muslims can't get a 2nd wife unless they can afford it (that should tell you that if he has 2 wives he must not be in need of money).
Why should she have to donate a large amount of money every month (when they don't have much to spare) to support a man with 2 wives when she is against the fact that he has 2 wives?
2007-12-11 06:33:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Furthermore, he shouldn't have a 2nd wife if he can't take care of the 1st.
Also F's parents both travel. It does not sound like they are in need of help.
If F has land and they were in need of help, why wouldn't they just sell the land?
How can you justify have more than 1 wife?
If you are an American woman, would you send the money (leaving your money really tight)????
2007-12-11 06:33:33 · update #1
f no
2007-12-11 10:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by adolph l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is between Terry and her husband.
It is wrong for her to use the 2nd wife as an argument not to send the money because she disapproves of polygamy. that is a whole other country with laws where polygamy is legal. re: having enough money to support 2 wives--yes I agree, but it could be that they've hit financial difficulties since then and need assistance.
She has a much better argument about she and her husband not having the spare money to send.
If it were me, first I wouldn't marry into a different culture without understanding what would be expected of me as a contributing member of the family. Many family members living in third world countries or just in poverty rely on working adult children to support the parents. Next, I would work out a budget with my husband where we could afford to send money to family. They wouldn't necessarily get the exact amount that they wanted, but they would get what I could afford to send.
If she has reason to believe that they are using the money for nefarious purposes, then she also doesn't trust her husband--after all he's sending the money. and her relationship may already be over.
2007-12-11 06:52:35 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No! I would not give any more at all! There is not a just cause, helping out now and again is one thing, but to drain one source for the blessing of another source is morally depravedness. Besides it might be Ollie's will to bankrupt one infidel for the benefit of a m'madean, but who is Ollie anyhow?
The other answers to your questions on polygamy and all, is best answered by understanding that any mixture of totally unrelatable religions and social customs make it difficult for a unbalanced relationship to function with unity.
This must be why most religions have somehow and somewhere stressed the need to marry within the cause.
Terri needs to get to the bottom of this by declaring that her role and purpose in life is not to be the supporter of the inlaws, irregardless of the faith.
If that causes a problem then Terri should stress that in the Western world, getting direction from an Eastern doctrine, that a man leaves his mommy and daddy, and the woman leaves her home, and the two become one flesh, a new union of partners.
I would like to hear the outcome of this dilemna. I have enough information and my own depth of mistrust of islam that my conclusions are darker than what I have revealed in my basic writings here. I am just to wonder, why a man would ask his wife to sacrifice in this manner, this reveals a misplacement of priorities, and lack of commitment to the union of marraige.
But any religion that allows men to marry little girls, and have multiple wives, that are second class citizens should be questioned by the healthy and sane, at any given rate for just reasons and justifiable causes of questioning.
2007-12-11 07:08:25 · answer #3 · answered by etienne primeau 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Terri should have know what she was getting into in the first place. She married a Muslim so she must know how that works.
The only solution to this problem is for F to get an extra job and send the money he makes from that to his family. He should not take a penny from Terri.
2007-12-11 06:41:57 · answer #4 · answered by soul_plus_heart_equals_man 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First and for most its hard to know much about the person you have married if they are an immigrant. You really DON'T KNOW his past history or if HE is the one with another wife over there. Since he has to send this money every month I would have a different bank account so that you and he really see who is funding what bills in YOUR household. These are some issues that should have been addressed BEFORE marriage. True love waits for no one but some guys and gals who are trying to get their GREEN CARD take advantage of us Americans.
2007-12-11 06:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by trixie08 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they are combining money and debts, then she has a say and if she says "NO!", then no it is.
If he feels it necessary to send money to his family because they have had a change in circumstances or because he feels it necessary due to the culture he was raised in, then he should be willing to A) Seperate their accounts and send the family money from his own earnings B) Pay ALL of his own student debt and C) Also shoulder a fair share of joint household expenses.
If he seperates their finances, pays his own debts and a share of household expenses AND has money left over to send to his family, then he is free to do so without comment from his wife.
As far as his father having more than one wife, well.... Its a different culture of people who were raised with a different way of thinking. Its not an Americans place to pass judgement. These people have been practicing polygamy since long before we even discovered America, much less developed our culture. There are also cultural and religious practices at work here that we do not understand.
Make no judgements where you have no compassion.
2007-12-11 06:46:56 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My ex girlfriend, who is Muslim, mother and father had a similar thing happen. he made a promise to his brother on his death bed that he would look after his family. So he sends a significant amount of money back. while his family go without. The mother and father argue constantly over this. He feels honour bound. The other side of the family take the mick and it seems like they see him as a mug. They are also rude to his wife.
I think this could fester and cause major problems in your relationship. I doubt very much that (a) will stop sending money but you should make sure (b) does not contribute any of her own money as her principles will be conflicted.
2007-12-11 06:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by peter 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hell no I wouldn't be sending them any money. It is true that they can have more than one wife, if they can afford it. So obviously he can afford it. You said yourself that you can't spare it so why are you sending it? And not to sound rude but if your husband's dad has more than one wife don't you think your husband might do the same one day?
Get out of that relationship before you go broke and/or your heart gets broken!
2007-12-11 06:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, when people marry outside of their culture this is the kind of problems that can come up. Teri should seek advice from a counselor that understands the Muslim faith. What sounds outrageous to us as westerners may not be all that uncommon for them. This is her marriage and she will have to decide if these are things she can put up with or if they will be deal breakers.
2007-12-11 06:52:40 · answer #9 · answered by dunns_kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heck no i would not send no money, it's hard enough to live off what we get these days and you want to send money ( alot at that) and we need it more? i don;t thinks so i wouldn't even marry anyone who has money problems any ways, and yes i consider that money problems when you worry about you and your family but not your other scnificant other. like i said i can't split money with other family who don't need it, they can do for them selves, i would not send NO money family or not cause there a big differance helping out family and smooches, smooches just take and take and never try to help out them selves and that's what it sounds like. NO i would not.
2007-12-11 06:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by elizabeth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do mean to be a racist, really. But this is particular a Asian attribute! Well, ofcourse generation is changing, probably you got one who's not into the 'changing' generation. I would request you to stand your stand and do not donate any money to them. Ofcourse, you need to send some money to your family or save up for your own family, don't you??! Are they going to eat their own daughter-in-law's money? That doesn't fall into their religion, does it? If keeping two wives does, then spurlging on the daughter-in-law's money is a complete n0-no..Ask them!
Well, not really in the right frame of mind, but well, this is the third story I am listening to in one day, hence completely angry.
2007-12-11 06:43:05 · answer #11 · answered by August 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋