Would you believe this excuse?

Question

When my husband asked his brother why they didnt want to have Christmas at our house again this year he said it's because his wife is allergic to our cats.
Which is a somewhat legitimate excuse except that last year we had Christmas here in our new house with all wood flooring, locked the cats up, cleaned really really well, aired out the house and when I asked my sister in law how she was doing with the allergies she insisted she was fine, that she had less problems here than in our apartment with carpet (she wasnt stuffy at all, which I can always tell she is when her cat allergies act up).
Now they dont want to have Christmas here, because of the cats. Instead, we are going to their tiny tiny condo, there is no parking (usually have to park about a mile away and have someone come pick us up) there and about 15 people to sit on one couch. I am so uncomfortable there and always end up sitting on the floor.
So my question is, should I believe the cat excuse?

I wouldnt mind going to their house if it was big enough, it's just too cramped, and 2 years ago we got our car towed. Our house is perfect for entertaining, lots of parking, and lots of places to sit. We also have more than one bathroom and when I go to their house I have to wait forever to go because a line forms.
Can't she just take an antihistimine? She's allergic to everything else in the environment too, not just cats.

oh, and we just had Thanksgiving there...so technically it's our turn.

and they had Christmas at their house the previous 6 Christmases to last years... lol it's not their turn!

Answer 1

as a cat owner..
I would have to say "who cares"...

does it really matter what excuse a person uses?? maybe they just want to spend Christmas alone and dont want to hurt your feelings...

why should you have to go to their tiny tiny condo?? why not just spend the holidays with your hubby and cats? visit them on the following day...

there are medical things a person with cat allergies can do.. its whether they want to or not....

just let it go, dont worry about it.. spend holidays by yourself..

Answer 2

I can understand both sides of this one. I had the small place with crap parking where people got towed & boy did it put dents into the social life!
But I also understand wanting to be comfie. I have allergies. I will say I'm fine. I will go to the event & 2 wks later still be paying for it because the allergic reaction caused my sinuses to end up with an infection eventually. Everyone is different. In my desire to please I say I'm ok to someone but I'm not. It's also tricky with In-Laws.
Maybe she just wants a chance to do it & the allergy is the easiest excuse to get her foot in the door? Maybe for whatever reason she is uncomfortable at your house or really has her heart set on doing it & expects because she put up with your place last year she should have it reciprocated this year. It's once a year. Maybe tell her you can stop by for a bit but can't stay the whole time? Hope you can work it out & keep the peace. It's not fun.
Maybe if you are close enough you can tell her you really think it would be great if it could be at your place & would she please come over & help you set it up? Maybe tell her point blank it's cramped & she can host it her way at your house?
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Maybe she's being honest, maybe not. You'll probably never know. So, calm down, and focus on what YOU need/want to do. If you feel that uncomfortable at their house and you don't want your Christmas ruined then talk to your husband about hosting it at your home. If your brother-in-law and his wife don't want to go then they won't! You don't necessarily have to spend it together. But try to understand her concern about the cats and reassure them that the cats will be away and the home thoroughly cleaned. Maybe she is as concerned as you about a "bad" Christmas experience. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would simply veto the condo for the reasons you mentioned. "Sorry, Sally, but your condo is just not big enough for all of your guests. The parking is so bad, and by the time the food gets to the table, it's cold. I'm planning on cooking Thanksgiving at my house this year, and whoever would like to come over here is welcome. Including you. Otherwise, we'll just kind of split Thanksgiving into two groups, and everyone can convene at my house for dessert."

OR

"Neither of our houses seem to fit the bill for the whole group, and we have all been working tirelessly and we're exhausted. Let's all meet at the Marriott for their wonderful Thanksgiving buffet. That will give everyone a break--no cooking--but we can all see everyone. I'll make the reservation."

TX Mom

Answer 5

When dealing with family, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and just deal with things. I would end up going and dealing with it. But, maybe during the party you could get the group to plan a little for next year. If there are so many people, maybe someone else has space for next year. Keep it neutral. Sometimes it's hard to be honest to family cause you don't want to hurt their feelings.
If this is the worst they do, you are doing quite well. Sounds like she dealt with the cats last year, your turn to deal this year.Good luck, I have 4 houses to go to in one day, so I will be feeling the chaos with you!

Answer 6

yes and know. I get all stuffed up when visiting a certain relative's house. They have cats. I think no matter how hard you try to clean and lock up the cats it still affects allergies. On the other hand, it could be they just want to stay home for the holiday so it's a convenient excuse.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like your sister in law wants to hold the family christmas gathering at her home. Which is understandable, but obviously she does not have the space.

If you are not the only one that feels this way about how cramped and uncomfortable it is there. Perhaps go to her and explain the situation. Tell her that with the size of the family, her home just doesn't work. Explain to her you are willing to do it at your home, but you would love her help? I think shes anxious to feel involved around the holidays.

I hope it all works out for you. Happy holidays!

Answer 8

Actually yes. I had friends over knowing the guy was allergic. I spent the whole day cleaning. He seemed fine to me while he was over but the next day his girlfriend told he he really was more uncomfortable than he let on. He had been polite and didn't want to ruin the evening by complaining. After that we always we to their place or went out.
I think this may be the case. She didn't want to ruin the day last year but doesn't want to go through it again.

Answer 9

Beleive it. After a certain amount of time (usually quite short) cat dander builds up. No matter how you dust and vaccum. I know, I have cats and my friends who were fine at first in my new house (also with wood floors), have had a harder time as more time has passed and cat hair works its way into nooks and crannys. I vaccum and dust like a maniac 24-48 hours before they come over (gives stuff I stirred up time to settle - at their request) and some of them take benadryl and STILL have a terrible time after about an hour or less.

Answer 10

As much as you don't want to believe it, it just might be true. If her allergy is really bad, then no amount of cleaning will get rid of all of the cat hair. In saying that, if the allergy is that bad, then she wouldn't be able to be near you or near the clothes you wore around your cat. It sounds like an excuse, maybe they just want to rotate Christmas get togethers!