I forgave her because she showed true remorse for her actions. The child is a year old and I love him to death; and I know he loves me. The other guy wanted nothing to do with the child and that made it easier on me. My wife and I have a great relationship now, I'm just concerned about how the child might feel as he gets older.
2007-12-11 06:12:45 · 24 answers · asked by curious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Bare with me for a minute please..I had the same thing to happen to me eight years ago. My wife and I were just dating and lived in a small apartment. It didn't work out so we split up. She called me on a few different occassions and I said I wasn't interested. 6 months later she sent a package in the mail. It showed all the proof of her being pregnant ( testing positive, ultrasound, images etc ) I got back with her and she admitted right off the bat she was with another guy, but was kindof forced to b/c she had no where else to go. That's along story to. I took her back and we worked on things. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Our relationship blossomed, I fell in love with the baby, even though biologically he's not mine, but I did however, after 5 years sign papers to add my name to the birth certificate. The boy doens't even know any better. I love my baby boy, he does more than you'll ever know, he's my buddy and alway's will be.
Guess what ? A sister and another little brother has come along since this fiasco. I couldn't be more happier than I am today. I have no regrets. Everytime I look at him now, I don't see that someone is the donor. I see every quality of me inside of that little man and that's how it's going to stay. And if your wondering : His mother is the love of my life, my soulmate and my best friend. Things happen for a reason!
2007-12-11 06:33:39 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Knowe Nuthing 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you now legally the father? Is your name on the birth certificate or have you legally adopted the child?
If not then make the necessary changes. While the child is young all he needs to know is that she is mom and you are dad. You can let the child know as he grows that you adopted him and love him because he is a part of his mother and you love his mother.
The child doesn't need to know about the affair until he's much older--if at all. Don't lie to the child if he asks, but it's not necessary to tell the child about the affair unless he's going to hear it from some other family member. No one wants to hear that their parent cheated.
Good Luck!
2007-12-11 06:35:53 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The child is extremely lucky in that he has a father (that's YOU) that loves him. The sperm donor is thankfully out of the picture, and now you and your wife and your son can go on being happy.
I realize that this isn't always the ending that a lot of other couples have, and it says a lot about you and your wife and the paths the two of you have taken back together.
Don't pay attention to those that will demonize a child in that 'he'll be a constant reminder'; this child will be an extra bond for the two of you together.
2007-12-11 06:23:19 · answer #3 · answered by bethanne 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The child might be upset when he is older but as long as you love the child and never treat him like a mistake. Then I am sure the child will be thankful that it has a father that love him even if its not his biological father. Also I don't believe that you should ever lie to your family so if the child ask then I would tell them the truth.
2007-12-11 06:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are one hell of a good man. I could never do this.
I could raise another man's child if I were to marry a woman with children from a previous relationship, but not if she cheated on me. I would never trust her.
I would suggest that if you have it in your heart to be this child's father, that you not tell him the details of infidelity, he needs to respect his mother, and not pedestalize the dirt bag whose child you are raising. Your kid will do this if you tell him about what happend. Tough situation.
I feel for you brother...a man who can love so unconditionally should never have to go through this. You are the finest among us.
***One more thing, make sure that the sperm donor is LEGALLY out of the equation, get a lawyer and have him give up all parental rights to the child...save your sanity now. This guy might recant someday, might as well nip it in the bud.
2007-12-11 06:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
If as you say that you found out that your wife was having an affair while she was married to you, and she became pregnant, and she had the Baby, and did not tell you that the Baby was not yours, she assumed that you would not be able to find out about it. Now, you want to know if you will be able to forgive her for being unfaithful, my answer to you is no, because you will never be able to trust her for not telling you the truth about the affair and, the Baby to boot. Marriage between two people should be based on honesty,love, and faithfulness. If you feel you will not be able to trust her again, terminate your marriage before the Baby gets older.
2016-04-08 08:40:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go through the legal necessaries of having the bio dad relinquish his rights and you adopting the child. Make sure that he is legally out of the picture since he wants nothing to do with the kid. I would not keep the fact that he is adopted from the child...that can come to bite you later on. I don't think he necessarily needs to know about the infidelity but he needs to know that you're not his bio dad. It's much better for him to grow up knowing it then to drop a bombshell on him later.
2007-12-11 07:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by aly_des 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything, because the child is not going to ask. He/she will grow up seeing you everyday as DAD.
You have other things to worry about, like child safety, friends, and the big one dating. Yes you have a while before hen, but the child only knows what it sees daily, and that's Mommy and daddy and the love you show towards each out. If one day the subject comes up, tell the truth and let him/her know that your love for him/her will never change, you raised him/her as your child and loves him/her as your child.
2007-12-11 06:55:02 · answer #8 · answered by harold 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For now, you don't tell him. I think in most states, if the parents are married when a child is concieved, the husband is the father. When he's older and notices that he doesn't look like his siblings, you may want to let him know that you love him, and that his dad couldn't take care of him, but aren't you lucky because you got him and he's such a great kid.
2007-12-11 06:20:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let me preface this with, you are a better man than I am.
I could not find it in myself to look at that child daily and not think of his mother's infidelity.
I do think I could love the kid but think I would come to hate his mother.
That aside, a child's father is the person who raised him.
I think you explain that you are his father but not his sperm daddy. Do not explain more until you are asked.
Then hopefully the years of personal education you have given kick in and you can give just enough to answer his question without judgement.
2007-12-11 06:29:05 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋