What is the point of being/getting married if both people work?

Question

To me, that just leaves room for one to get to know someone else mostly at work and become intimate with them (cheating). Less time is spent with each other. Also, there's a greater chance for one or the other to choose work over family and marriage.

For example, I remember when my boss's wife needed to go to the hospital because she has cancer. He asked his boss (the owner) if he could go with his wife to the hospital. She (the owner) said, "No, if you want this job, you need to stay and work." Therefore he did, but everyone knows how much he loves his wife.

I really don't understand that, and part of that is I'm not married but thinking about it. So, I guess i'm wondering if there is a point, then how do you make it work?

I honestly enjoyed and learned from all of your answers thus far. Also, I did go through and rate. Some of your answers stood out to me: Diana, Buggy, Maire, Arklatex, Lynn and LuckyLav.... I think you really understood what I was trying to ask. My question is misleading and i'm sorry for that. Time management, love, working to servive really answered my question.

People like Valerie X-oops and KaDy who said my question was stupid. Well I appreciate your stupid answer for my stupid question. KaDy, i'm talking about married ppl. However, you both still put it in a perpective that I can understand.

As for SD Girl... "how old are you." I think you were trying to be funny so let me say this: there are ppl who are older than me who have not experienced less than what I've experienced. Yet there are people younger than me who have experienced more than me. So you can save that question for next girlfriend/boyfriend, while the two three of you waste your time asking "how old are you"

sorry i meant to say people who are older than me have experienced less than me... sorry

Answer 1

Actually, both people working should not be a deterent to getting married. If you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, then marriage is the way to go. Both of you working should not change that. When you are together, make the most of your time. When at work, if you love your spouse, you will not cheat. You will be tempted, but in the end, love will win out, and you will not cheat. As far as the co-worker whose boss told them to choose between spouse and job, he made the wrong choice. The spouse is the only choice. I have quit jobs that came between my wife and I. Love and trust make a marriage work. My wife and I both have always worked. We will be married 30 years in May. We have 2 children, and always had time for them. Remember, in a marriage, FAMILY comes before job. There are jobs out there. I once left a job for making me choose between family and work. I was out of perminant work for a year. I worked 2 part time jobs for that year. I put in many more hours than on the old job. But a family makes the most of the time they have together. I found a better job, and was there 8 years. Marriage is a wonderful thing. You not only get to live with the person you love, but you are committed to that person. If you are afraid your spouse will cheat with a co-worker, then he would cheat if he stayed at home. Your love for eachother should be the force that keeps you both from straying, not your jobs.

Answer 2

For a marriage to work there has to be a lot more than physical attraction. You both need to be walking in the same path, at the same speed with the same goal in mind. Otherwise you will just end up going on separate paths that end in divorce. If one is say a Catholic and the other a Protestant, it can work if one or the other isn't really religious and doesn't care. But if both are zealous then there can't be the respect of each others faith that is necessary to keep the marriage together. Once there is no respect then everything else starts to fall apart as well. Once the physical part of marriage is gone, then do you want a best friend left or someone you think is nuts?

Answer 3

It all has to do with your attitude going into marriage. Anyone who doesn't go into marriage with the attitude that divorce is not an option is setting themselves up for failure. People who really love each other and are serious about being married will stick together through thick and thin, and they will also respect each other to the point where they avoid even the appearance of impropriety (READ: They won't get into situations where people would even think they're messing around on their spouses).

Here's a spin on your question: How do families where only the man works keep their marriages alive? Can't tell you how many times I've heard about the stay-at-home wife/mom who ends up having an affair because she hates her stay-at-home life. So many cheating women have said they felt "trapped" when their lives consist of keeping house and caring for children. When the woman works, at least she has a chance to have her own career and something that's all her own to be proud of. Children don't count -- it takes two to make them, remember?

You say there's a greater chance for them to put work before marriage -- again, that comes back to attitude. Do you work to live, or do you live to work? Yes, there are times when you may have to put in some overtime, but there are also times when you have to put your life in perspective and see that busting your @$$ to climb the corporate ladder comes with a cost (like your free time, your marriage, your family, etc.). So married couples who want to stay happily married will know that they have to balance their careers with their home lives. Some of it is trial and error, but for the most part it's those folks who make marriage their number one priority that seem to find the best balance.

Answer 4

Marriage traditionally was conceived in one respect as a contract between a husband and wife; the husband worked all day and brought home the income, while the wife took care of the house, cooked, and raised the children.

Sixty years ago, the latter was not a trivial task by any means, the wife, for example, often had to get up at 5 in the morning and churn the butter. Cooking took the better part of all day. Clothes were dried on clothelines, -- the world was a much more difficult place.

But with the advent of technology; microwaves, cars that facilitate transportation to restaurants, dishwashers, washing machines... the latter tasks became substantially easier, and required less time.

Meanwhile, government waste and mismanagement of taxmoney soared -- taxes went up; the prices of goods went up; gasoline prices, etc. People needed more income to survive than what they needed yesteryear.

Many women thus decided it would be better for the family to work and supplement the husband's income... Unfortunately for many women today -- with overpriced homes and ridiculous mortgage payments -- the instability of the workplace for their husband -- staying home is no longer a viable choice for them. They are almost coerced into the workplace in order to survive -- unless of course, they married a rich man :)

Answer 5

The point is most likely the necessity in this society. Most families find that one income isn't enough to support children, but again your "catch-22" is well taken, as if both parents are working, who has time to raise the children?

I have always put family first, and never been much of a "career woman". I have been blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids most of the time and work part-time around their school, and even part of the time to work at their preschool and be right down the hall. There have been conflicts between work and home, but usually they get resolved without compromising the important priorities--I guess in high-pressure corporate jobs that may not always be the case.

My ex (childrens' father) did put work first, and our marriage didn't survive it. That wasn't the only issue, but it was a big one. I have since remarried to a man who is very successful in and committed to his military career, and we have had to make some sacrifices because of it (moving, living apart, etc.) but if you love somebody you will work it out.

I think couples who spend every waking moment together may run into trouble too with getting on each other's nerves--work gives each person a creative outlet that isn't all wrapped up in the other and makes them a more interesting person to be around. And of course, there's just the financial issue--if you can barely afford to make ends meet, that can sure put a strain on a relationship--with both working, you are likely to be able to live more comfortably.

It's all a trade-off, and part of the give-and-take that is involved in any marriage. Each couple finds a way to make it work, except in some cases where it doesn't!

Answer 6

It all has to do with your attitude going into marriage. Anyone who doesn't go into marriage with the attitude that divorce is not an option is setting themselves up for failure. People who really love each other and are serious about being married will stick together through thick and thin, and they will also respect each other to the point where they avoid even the appearance of impropriety (READ: They won't get into situations where people would even think they're messing around on their spouses).

Answer 7

well lets see i'm married all it is,is a last name and lots of money to get married....married or not if you two are going to be together for the rest of you life you two will be no matter what marriage these days doesn't keep you or your spouse from cheating or anything else and you can still have a costly divorce soooo all marriage is a promised commitment made between you and him that you'll stay together for the rest of your life's that you make to god...but working all the time doesn't change the fact that you two are married it can change feeling being away all the time and sometimes it can make it better depending on the ppl..my grandpa has been with his partner for over 60 years never married and they never lived together and there the happiest ppl ever.. and making it work marrage is hard no matter what you think because you live with this person for 5 years before and have a kid together would make it easier it doesn't if you love him and want to marrie him and make that commitment to you both and god be my guest you two will just have to make time to spend with each other if you two want it to work it will if not then it wont

Answer 8

Please tell me that this question is a joke!

If you are thinking about getting married with this attitude then do society a favor and wait.

Life presents us with many difficult choices, isn't it better to have someone to walk with you through them? If you don't work who will support you? Welfare? Now that's a way to live!!

You need to get real! You make it work by making it work and working together. Your bosses boss was a complete jerk. Most employers would be more than happy to help in anyway they can (unless they are jerks).

If you think that your spouse will or should be there at your side 24/7/365 your nuts. Life happens, problems come up. Sometimes you have to work and can't be somewhere else you want to be, that is called being reaponsible and grown up.

What if your husband has to go to work as a truck driver, and be gone a week at a time? Would you divorce him or work with him and support him?

Please don't get married yet, you have a lot to learn.

Yoda out

Answer 9

You get married because you love each other and you want to spend the rest of your life with each other. You need to go to work so you can build a life for each other too. Being exposed to other people does not necessarily mean that one will cheat. If you are truly commited to the relationship then you will not allow yourself to be tempted but if you're not, it does not really matter if you're not working because any place or even your neighbor is a temptation. About your Boss' situation, that was very inconsiderate of your employer for not letting him go with his wife. That's entirely a different case. And also working is necessary even if you're single because you have to eat unless you were born rich or money is not an issue.

Answer 10

Usualy work is just a part of your day, not your whole life. Your real life is when you go home and spend time with your husband and maybe kids. Most people dont think they might cheat if they get married if you think this would be a problem for you, definitly dont get married. Maybe you dont love the person enough to stay faithful to them. As far as the wife with cancer thing, he may have had to keep his job because of the bills they have to pay, that doesnt mean he doesnt love her, he probably just went to see her after work. That boss should have let him go also, I would have found a new job if I were him. Good luck!